


Catching Butterflies

by BipLing



Series: It Happens Under Moonlight [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Arguing, Bar date, Best Friends, Brooding, Canon Autistic Character, Cockblocking, Denial of Feelings, Dinner, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional Constipation, Emotionally Repressed, Exes, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Introspection, Jealousy, Jock Straps, Kissing, Lazy Mornings, Leather Jackets, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Morning Cuddles, Office Party, One-Sided Relationship, Original Character(s), Original Universe, POV Alternating, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Friendship, Sleepy Cuddles, Spring, Suicidal Thoughts, Summer, Summer Love, Summer Romance, Surprise Kissing, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love, Winter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-05-08 21:27:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 45,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14702676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BipLing/pseuds/BipLing
Summary: Raleigh is just starting out in a new city, but with some help from his new coworker and rediscovered best friend, he's starting to feel secure for the first time in his life. After an office party goes awry, he finds himself emotionally confused.





	1. New Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I'm rewriting CB yall : ) C  
> ~art by bipirate on tumblr~  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely edited the first chapter to make it... better? thinking emoji

 

Carter sits in line for coffee, a giddy energy about him. For most people, today is simply another day at work. But for him, today is the day he gets the pleasure of introducing a new hiree to the office. The sun glares down at him from behind, a warm hand on his back. 

He approaches the counter, his hands tucked into his slacks pockets, a not so subtle smirk on his lips. The smell of fresh coffee hovers over him, laying a glance onto the short barista at the counter. “Morning, Matthews,” he quips, getting a death glare in return. His brows are low in clear irritation. Zach never was good at hiding his feelings, letting them sit clearly on his face like condensation on glass. He rests his folded arms against the counter, swathed in shades of green. 

“What do you want, Concord?” 

“Coffee, of course.” He raises a finger, “Black-“ 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You always get black.” With a sigh, he makes his drink, quirking a brow at his expression. “What’re you so peppy for? It’s only seven o’clock.” 

Carter shrugs, “Oh, simple zest for life. But, seriously? We’re getting a new person in the office today.” He teases in a sing-song manner, he practically vibrates with energy, a mixture of anticipation and adrenaline filling his veins. “I can’t wait to meet him! I’m sure you’ll like him, too.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“Oh, just a hunch.” He takes his coffee from the counter after paying, smiling into Zach’s face. Of course, he wouldn’t be the one to tell him that a face he could only assume Zach would be familiar with would be joining them. It’s not like many people were named Raleigh, right? “Have a good day, Zach.” 

“Don’t call me that.” 

Carter rolls his eyes, muttering. “Don’t ever say I didn’t try to be nice.” 

Zach scoffs, “Anyway, goodbye, Concord.” 

He tosses a loose salute to him as he takes the first sip of his coffee, turning to head back to the elevator. Today would be a good day.

***

Zach stares at the hot blonde idiot leave, the need to wash his hands overpowering him. He can’t believe they brushed at all, but Carter loves to consistently push the envelope. What did he even mean by mentioning a new hiree? Trying to make him jealous in an effort to want him back? Ridiculous. He’s watched plenty a useless intern pass by, leaving after a few months. It would be the same with this one too.

***

Raleigh stands in the elevator, fingers kneading his bag’s strap. As the floor numbers tick by, his gut only fills with anxiety, a black hole threatening to suck the entirety of him up. He wishes it would before the elevator reaches his floor, that way he would not have to worry about making the first introduction.He hopes he doesn’t stutter or make a fool of himself. Scenarios pass by in his head with people he has yet to meet, leaving him grimacing. The ding signals his stop, the chrome doors silently slide open, and fluorescent light fills his vision as he takes a tentative step out onto fine tiled floors.

All around people rush by him like schools of fish, stacks of papers and clipboards in their hands, effectively funneling him to the edge of the hallway. He keeps his eyes downcast, pushing his curly hair out of his face. Maybe he should call it a day, go home, and pretend this never happened? His gaze wanders along the floor, stopping at a cluster of stationary feet. He trails up the tall frame, pausing on a man’s soft, handsome face. His short hair and trimmed scruff are sun-bleached, swept to the side with product. He clearly works out, dress shirt tight along his chest. Raleigh observes how his eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles at one of his assumed coworker’s comments. He must feel eyes on him, because he sends a brief look to Raleigh, who returns to staring at his feet, hoping he doesn’t think it’s him. 

Despite this, the smell of cologne intrudes his lonely space, fingers twitching against his slacks. He steals a single look. There he is, hands tucked in his pockets, that grin still on his lips. He speaks softly, leaning in a little, head cocked.

“Hey, buddy, are you new here? I don’t recognize you.” 

“Yeah.. I’m supposed to be starting today, but I think I might just go home instead.” 

“Oh, so you’re the newbie we’ve been expecting?” His smile drops. “Why would you want to leave?”

“I don’t know? Maybe I’m just overthinking it.” 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m always happy to see another fresh face here..”

“Raleigh.”

“Ah, Raleigh. I’m Carter.” His grin flashes back to life and Raleigh returns it in earnest. Carter shakes his head, glancing to the side for a moment. When he looks back, Raleigh catches a glimpse of his bright blue eyes. “You know, just between us, but your smile’s really cute.” 

He freezes. Did he really call him cute? “S-Sorry..?” 

“..Was that a bit much?” 

“No, you’re good.” He bites his lip, glancing over Carter’s shoulder. The group stares at them, whispering amongst themselves. His grip on his bag tightens. “Sorry for distracting you, by the way. My bad.” 

“Seriously, don’t worry about it.” Carter scratches the back of his head, chuckling. “Listen.. clearly, you need someone to get you used to the job, yeah?” 

He nods. 

“Well, I’d be more than happy to help.. if you want, that is.” He stares into his face. It takes a moment for Raleigh to answer. 

“I, uh.. yeah, I’d like that.” 

“Great!” Carter steps closer, voice low. “My office is just around the corner if you need anything, alright?” 

“Okay..” 

“I’m what they call a-” He rolls his eyes, making air quotes with his fingers “-Team Leader. Whatever that means.” 

“I’ll keep it in mind.” He grins. 

Carter rests a light hand on Raleigh’s shoulder. “I expect I’ll be seeing you sometime later, then?” He is too preoccupied with the unexpected physical contact than with answering the question. If he wasn’t sweating before, he is now. “..Raleigh?” 

He blinks, refocusing. “Y-Yeah! Sorry, I got distracted for a second.” He makes brief eye contact, immediately glancing down. “I’ll make sure to stop by.” 

He pats his shoulder, stepping back with a little parting wave. “Okay, well see you then.” 

The rest of his first day passes by in a blur, Raleigh trying to absorb all the office jargon and rules. His head is cloudy by the end of it. Only a few hours in and he is ready for a break. He leans on his desk, hand resting against his forehead, staring into his computer screen. A shadow falls on him, someone peeking over his cubicle wall. It’s Carter.

“Hey, Raleigh! Would you be able to do a little favor for me?” 

“Sure?”  
Relief washes over Carter’s face, tapping his fingers on the edge of the wall. “Would you be willing to grab some coffee? It’s on the second floor, so you won’t have to worry about walking all over the city.”

“I don’t really have anything better to do, so.. yeah. Who am I getting it for?” 

His voice lowers, a light blush on his cheeks. “Oh, just me.” 

“Oh.” Raleigh blushes as well, processing the significance of Carter asking specifically him to do this. But, is he projecting? It could just be that newbies always get coffee for everyone. But, getting it only for Carter? It has to mean something, right? He stutters. “I’ll get right on it - what kind did you want?” 

“Just black is fine.” Raleigh nearly jumps out of his seat, slipping his bag over his shoulder. “Oh.. you don’t.. have to go right now. Whenever you’re free is fine.”

“I mean, I’m free now..?” He takes a tentative step towards the elevator, eyeing Carter. Defeated, he can only raise his brows and shrug.

On the ride down, Raleigh is surprisingly cheery, quietly humming a tune to himself, rapping his hands against the leather of his bag. He has no clue where the coffee shop is exactly, but he’s sure he can find it in no time. A few minutes of wandering around the hallway, trying to follow the scent of coffee brewing, he stumbles upon it. It makes up a mere corner of the cafe area, a lone barista at the counter.

“How can I help you?” His barista is shorter than him, with dark brown beach waves tied up into a messy bun. He has a short, bushy beard.

“Can I just get a black coffee to go, please?” He sits near the end of the counter to wait for his drink after paying. 

“And the name on your drink?” 

“Raleigh.” The moment he speaks he knows that he made a mistake. He should’ve lied and said something else. His hands grow shaky.

The barista’s brows furrow, concentrating as he makes his drink. He laughs rather uneasily, “That’s an uncommon name, right?”

“.. Uh, I’d say so?” He forces a frown. “Why? Is something wrong?”

“Oh, no. Just thinking of someone I used to know - I mean, not like you care. I haven’t seen him in years.” He sets his coffee down, forcing out words. “Here ya go.” 

“Thanks!” He turns to leave. 

“- Uh, y’know.. you don’t really look the type to drink black coffee.” He states. 

“Oh, I don’t. It’s for my coworker. Thanks again for the coffee.” 

But, the barista doesn’t stop gazing into his face, as if expecting him to say something. An awkward tension enters their corner. He hoped he wouldn’t recognize him. “What’s your last name, if you mind me asking?”

“.. Boivin.”

“Oh, thanks.” He narrows his brown eyes, hand cupping his chin. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry for being awkward, I thought you were someone I knew for a second.”

“No problem!” He motions with the coffee before departing back to the elevator. “Thanks.. again!”

The moment Raleigh leaves, Zach’s closes his counter for rest of the morning. 

***

When Raleigh returns, Carter is nowhere to be found. He follows the vague path to where his office should be but is only greeted by an elderly receptionist, her hair pulled into a neat bun. She glances up from the file on her desk, adjusting her pince nez. 

“You’re Raleigh, right?” Her voice is sweet as spring, smiling into his face. 

“Yep. I don’t think I’ve met you yet..?”

“Oh, I’m Karen, sweetie. Carter’s secretary.” She smirks. “He was just telling me about you.” She eyes the coffee, pointing over her shoulder with her pen. “Just right through that door.” Raleigh stares at the door, a deer in headlights. Should he just walk in? That seems too easy. Maybe he should knock? “You can just go in, Dear. Carter won’t mind.” 

He stiffly walks over, twisting the knob as slowly as he possibly can, stepping into the office. Before him is Carter’s silhouette, sitting on the edge of his desk, chatting on his phone. A vase of tulips and a family photograph are on the corners of his desk. He peers over his shoulder, pausing mid-sentence. 

“-Hey, listen, I’ll call you back - Yeah, I know, don’t worry.” Another pause. “Alright, bye.” 

He eases off the desk, brushing himself off. “Ah, Raleigh, I wasn’t expecting you to get that coffee so quickly.” He nods to his desk. “You can just leave it there, by the way.” As Raleigh goes to set the coffee down, he notices Carter’s sleeves are rolled up, revealing full sleeves of flower tattoos; pink hydrangeas and red chrysanthemums. He must have been caught staring, Carter questioning him with a softly worded, “You okay?” 

“I’m fine - fine!” He flushes red, clenching his clammy hands into loose fists. Carter steps close to him, one hand reaching across to take the cup, brushing against him. He takes one long sip, releasing a soothed breath. 

“You look like you have a fever or something.” Carter presses the back of his hand to Raleigh’s forehead, which only makes his blush more intense. “Feel pretty hot to me. Are you sure you’re not sick? Do you want to go home early or something?” 

“No, I’ll be fine.” Raleigh holds his hands splayed out, laughing at himself. “I just need to cool off, I guess.” 

Carter sighs, giving him a knowing look. He places an arm around Raleigh’s shoulders, tugging him in close. At this distance he can clearly make out the strong scent of his cologne and vanilla-scented shampoo. “Listen, I know how hard it’s been for you - first day and all - not knowing anybody or where to go. So, I was thinking, maybe..” 

“Yeah..?”

“Would you entertain the idea of going to a little office party I’m holding this Friday?” He flashes a perfect smile, eyes zeroed in on Raleigh’s face. “It’d get you introduced to some more of the crew and help get you adjusted.”

“It’s.. kind of on short notice.. I don’t know.”

Carter gently shakes him side to side. “Oh, c’mon, I’m sure everyone will love you.” He leans in a little closer, Raleigh able to smell the bitter traces of coffee on his breath. “Would you do it for me?”

He had retreated mostly into his shell, but that gentle request has Raleigh thinking twice. Maybe it would be good for him to go? God knows he needs to get himself out there, what with having just moved to the city and all. He knows absolutely nobody. Maybe he’ll find a friend there? He gives an enthusiastic “Sure! I’m in!” 

“Alright, now I’ll be expecting you to show up.” He sighs. “I just know you’re going to enjoy yourself. Scout’s honor.” He pats his back one more time. “You feeling any better?”

“Yeah, a little bit.” He smiles. “Thanks, Carter.” Raleigh backs off, bumping into the wall next to the door as he gropes for the knob. “Uh, so, yeah.. I’ll just.. be going.” Carter opens it for him, watching as he stumbles out of the office. Karen side-eyes him, a wide grin on her lips.

“How’d it go?” 

“What went what?”

She beckons him closer, whispering with her hand shielding her mouth. “Whatever went on in there, Dear. You were in his office for a lot longer than it should take to just give him coffee.”

His blush is back. “No - no. I don’t know what you’re implying, but I didn’t do it.”

She raises her eyebrows, leaning back in her chair. “Whatever you say, Raleigh. But, just know I’m not judging you.” 

“But there’s nothing to judge me for?” He groans, returning to his cubicle. “Okay, Karen. Bye. I’m leaving now.” 

“Goodbye, Honey. Hope the rest of your day goes well!” Karen gives him a little wave. He waves curtly back. 

***  
The rest of the week goes by without much happening, besides various coffee runs for the office. Somehow, he always gets Zach, despite his best efforts to avoid him. The last thing he wants is to deal with his old high school best friend on a daily basis. He had hoped things would be different, a brand new start, but clearly that wouldn’t happen. The past loved to pop up unexpected. 

Regardless, the day of the party is upon him and he is stuck in his closet, picking out a proper outfit. The last thing that should happen is him embarrassing himself like he did the first day, so he has to look as professional and put together as possible. Which, is a tall order for him, with how anything and everything gives him anxiety whiplash. He stands in front of his mirror in a soft blue button up, a white cardigan, and some nicer jeans he forgot he owned. A final brushing of his hair and he decides it’s as good as it’s going to get. 

On the drive there, he contemplates turning around multiple times, pretending he’s sick and acting apologetic the next day at work. But, there’s no way he could do that - not to Carter, at least. He would never admit it, but he might have a tiny crush on the guy. With the way he’s been acting towards him, maybe those feelings might one day be requited? With his luck though? Probably not. The least he can do for now is admire from afar. He stares into the chrome of the doors, fidgeting with his outfit. He hopes tonight turns out to be worth it, stepping into the elevator. 

***

Zach steps out onto the office floor. He silently curses at himself, regretting even showing up. A soft jazz instrumental pours through from the PA system. Cliques are hanging out in their designated groups. The whole atmosphere is laid back; a typical office party. 

Zach isn’t sure where he should be going, but he may as well find where the drinks are and stay in that area. He has nothing to talk about with anyone, usually staying in his bubble behind his counter. He swallows down some lingering anxiety, wandering between the tightly knit packs. He doesn’t expect Carter of all people to pick him out from the crowd across the floor, waving him over with a drink in hand. He’s in a red, short-sleeved button-up and nice slacks. The sleeves are tight against his toned, fully tattooed arms. Carter grins at him. “Hey, Zach! I didn’t expect you to make it.” He slaps his back and Zach tries his best not to fall over. “This was supposed to be invite only, but I guess someone must’ve mentioned it to you?” 

“Yeah, hi. Don’t worry, I’m not staying long.” He glances around, trying to do anything but glower. Carter’s hand is still on his shoulder, though. He had better remove it, or he’ll have to tear it off himself. 

“So, how have you been holding up?”

“Barely.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry I asked.” 

“Sorry? That’s all you have to say huh?” He drags a hand down his forehead. He steals a look to Carter, whose mouth is quirked to the side, brows furrowed. “You couldn’t have told me about him? You had to be vague?” 

“What, you mean Raleigh?” 

“Who else, asshole?” 

He shrugs, “I didn’t want to upset you.” 

“Well, guess what? I’m upset! Fuck you, Concord!” 

Zach gulps down his drink, not caring what he’s drinking, as long as it does its job. 

“Why don’t you just calm down a little bit? He’s supposed to be showing up at some point.” He sighs, “Hopefully, that is.” 

“You just wanna fuck him huh?” 

“Maybe after the third date.” A shit-eating grin worms its way onto his face. “What’s it to you?” 

Zach blushes hard. “It’s nothing! Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone outside of work?” 

“Technically, we’re at work.” His grin only widens. 

“Just fuck off!” Zach makes a move to storm off, but Carter stands in his path. 

“C’mon, what happened to us being civil? We’re just talking.” He leans a little too close for Zach’s liking, the stench of his cologne filling his nose. 

“I don’t want to talk.” 

“Just humor me, why don’t you?” There go the puppy dog eyes. “I really regret leaving things the way I did. So, what do you say? Just for tonight?” 

“If it means you’ll leave me alone from now on, fine. Whatever.” 

Zach sits through Carter’s attempts at flirting, drinking the whole while. Everything blurs together at one point. Carter takes the lead, ushering him into one of the offices and placing him into a comfortable leather chair. The white noise of chatter and music fade to the constant hum of the air conditioner. He can only assume they’re in his office. Carter is leaning against the wall, both of their glasses in hand. He chuckles, shaking his head at him. Thin rays of moonlight pass through the Venetian blinds on the window.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. You just know how to drink is all.” He moves closer to the desk, pulling up a chair for him to sit in, placing the empty glasses down. “I almost forgot.” 

“What about you, though?”

“Oh, me? I’m fine.” He giggles. “I’m not a lightweight. I can hold my liquor unlike you.” 

Zach groans, “I feel fine.” 

“You really don’t look it.” Carter clears his throat, coughing into his fist. “So, uh, you enjoying yourself yet?” 

“What do you mean, I’m the life of the party, aren’t I?”

He leans in close, resting a hand on Zach’s knee. “Don’t give me that. I know something has to be eating you.”

“I mean, kind of.” He glances down to Carter’s hand. “What does it matter to you, though?”

“Because I care?” His blue eyes beam. “Please?” 

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt at this point?” He shifts his eyes up to meet Carter’s. “I’m still fucking pissed at you, you big moron.” 

“What do you mean?” He scratches his cheek. “I didn’t do anything.” 

“Don’t give me that shit! You’re just trying to get a rise out of me.” 

“And it’s working, right?” 

“Shut up,” He grumbles. 

Carter chuckles, shifting his seat closer. He has that stupid smirk on his face, it’s clear he’s trying to make a move. His gaze lowers to Carter’s mouth, a small impulse in the back of his mind whispering to kiss him. It’s not like he could get any lower and more self-hating than this. He sighs, “Carter?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think it’d be weird if we..”

Carter has leaned in more, their lips mere inches apart. “..Kissed?” 

“Ugh, don’t make this weirder than it already is.” Their kiss is soft and hesitant, like feathers brushing on skin. Their fingers slowly intertwine, Carter grinning against his mouth.

“Damn.” They gaze into each other’s eyes in the dark. Carter has to shift back and take a deep breath.

“What?” 

“I forgot you were such a good kisser.” He dives back in, cupping Zach’s face in his hands as he does it again a little rougher. Hair falls over Zach’s forehead, lips pushing back. It has been years since he’s been kissed, let alone touched like this. He wants more, to binge on intimacy until he’s sated, like a content cat. They break again, listening to their heavy breathing mingle, Zach resting his forehead against Carter’s chest. The door opens, light filling his vision. The room is spinning. 

A voice mutters from the doorway, “What the fuck?” 

Zach sits back, both squinting at the door. A silhouette stands in the threshold, backlit, but he can tell exactly who it is. 

“Do you need something?” Carter dismissively asks, shielding his eyes with a hand. “We’re kind of busy.” 

Raleigh clenches his jaw, hands balled into fists. “Yeah, actually!” His voice wavers with emotion, “Carter, what the hell?” 

“Oh, Raleigh? I didn’t-“

“You fucking asshole!” 

Zach stands stares down into Carter’s lap, face frozen in a blank stare, emotions processing under the surface, a moment behind on comprehending the situation. “What the fuck are you doing here, Raleigh?”

He steps into the room, “I was invited? What are you doing here?” 

Zach grits his teeth, fingers digging into the fabric of his pants. “I’m trying to enjoy myself, but clearly that isn’t going to happen.” He shoves out of his chair, turning to look his old best friend in the face. Wild emotions that he’s kept locked down for years force their way out, vines wrapping their way around his heart. There are too many things to feel, so he chooses Anger; all the resent that has built up melts into his expression, an ice-cold glare. “So, why are you here? I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.” 

“Zach, please-”

“Don’t ‘Zach, please’ me! How did you forget me? Your best friend?”

“I didn’t-”

“So you just pretended not to know me? What am I, just some asshole?” 

There’s a beat of silence in the room, tension thick. “Can you let me explain myself?”

“No, I don’t think I can, sorry.”

Raleigh reels back, making a big show of rolling his eyes. “Listen, if it means anything, I’m sorry, okay? I just - it was a lot seeing you the other day. I didn’t know how to react!”

“I don’t know, a hi would’ve sufficed?” 

Carter steps between them, getting himself involved in a dangerous game. He chooses his words carefully, “Listen, I think what we need to do is calm down here and talk things out-”

“Fuck off,” they retort in unison. 

His eyes widen, mouth a tight line. “Now what did I do? I’m just trying to help here.” 

Zach’s flame reignites at full force, blowing up in Carter’s face. “You fucking knew he was coming, didn’t you?”

“I, maybe I did? So what?”

“Oh my fucking - you wanted this to happen, you wanted me to cause a scene, so you could tell everyone about how crazy I am, right!?” He grips fistfuls of his hair, a vein popping in his forehead. “You lured me in here!”

“No? No! I honestly wanted to make up with you! I didn’t expect him to walk in on us!” 

Zach lets out a yell, “I’m not listening to this shit anymore!” He rushes out of the room past them both, making a beeline for the elevator. He shoves past all the partygoers, cursing to himself. 

Stumbling into the elevator, he spies Raleigh manage to make it just in time to join him. “Leave me the fuck alone!”

“Zach, please, I just want to talk…”

He forces a grin, “Oh, so now you wanna talk? What happened to talking before you left me behind?” 

Raleigh goes silent, punching the button to the ground floor. He wrings his hands as the elevator descends. “I don’t think right now is the time for that.” 

“Okay, so when will it be the right time?” Zach leans against the corner, letting his head loll back against the wall, steadying himself with a hand. “I’m still in disbelief - did I do something wrong?”

“No.” 

“Then what the fuck is it?” He fires off question after question, his anger only building back up. “Don’t you remember all those summer days we spent together, aimlessly driving around the neighborhood in my old beat up car?” A tint of nostalgia enters his words, rapidly spreading like watercolor on paper. “Or those spontaneous days at the beach when you just needed to get out of the house for a little while? How could you just throw all that shit away?” His energy fades like a rapidly flickering candle on the last bit of wick, tears smothering the flame. “I don’t think you realize how much I missed you, man.”

Zach looks down to find Raleigh’s hand inching closer to hold his and he cannot stay angry anymore. He breaks down, tears swimming in his eyes and fogging up his vision. 

He latches onto Raleigh for a tight hug, arms around his neck, face pressed into his shoulder. “I missed you, too. I’m sorry for everything.” 

Zach squeezes him tightly, breathing in that familiar Raleigh smell, a thing he hasn’t smelled in several years. As bitter as he is still, it comforts him. They stand, hugging for a few minutes. “Promise me you won’t leave again, okay?”

Raleigh takes his sweet time in answering. “I promise. Now, we should be getting you home, yeah?”

“I can drive by myself, I’ll be fine.” 

He leads Raleigh to his car, tossing him the keys. They take the drive to Zach’s apartment, going the roundabout way. The streets are bare this late at night, the neon signs painting their skin a rainbow of colors. They stay relatively silent, only discussing how to get Zach home. 

He stands in front of his apartment, Raleigh helping him down the stairs. Zach tries to get his key in the door, but his hand is too shaky to get it in properly. He spends a couple minutes like this. “I’ll fuckin’ get it, I’m fine.”

“Here, let me help..” Raleigh steps up behind him, standing a few inches taller. When did Raleigh grow so much? He delicately wraps a hand around his wrist, the other on his waist. Zach freezes, Raleigh needing to push the key in for him. His breath tickles his ear. “There. You okay, by the way?”

“I’m okay.” He covers his face with a hand. Zach pushes his door open, turning to face him. “Thanks for driving me home, by the way.” Zach pulls him in for a quick hug. As he pulls away, he leans up to quickly smooch Raleigh’s cheek. His lips are parted in stunned silence, only being greeted by Zach’s bashful face. “I’m sorry, was that weird?” 

“Uh..” All he can do is sputter dumbly, effectively tongue-tied. 

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” 

“Huh?” 

“Y’know… work?” 

“Right, right. Well, uh, good night.” 

“Good night, Raleigh.” Zach has a wide grin on his face, waving as he slowly shuts the door. 

In the safety of his apartment, he releases all his energy in one sigh. He slumps down against the door, yanking off his shirt to toss it onto the floor. The lamplight hanging outside his door lights a dim path down the hall to his bedroom.

Stripping his clothes, he lies face down in bed, all the night’s events swimming through his head, the outside lights bathing him in green. Why did he kiss him? For old times’ sake? He rolls over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, squishing his face with his hands. His eyes flutter, threatening to close, even though he still has questions in the forefront of his mind. What about Carter? How should he act tomorrow, like them making out never happened? It wouldn’t be very difficult.

Zach groans, pillow over his face to block out the light. 

His eyes open to bright light and a gentle breeze on his face. He is back in his hometown, lying at the base of a magnolia tree beside his old beat up BMW. They’re parked on top of the hill overlooking the rest of the neighborhood, enjoying the early summer afternoon. The tree is still in bloom, petals scattered around them. The first eighteen years of their life they’ve spent here, driving on the same old streets, with the same boring houses and neighbors. He steps out from the backseat, rapidly melting slushies in hand. He sits down beside Raleigh, handing him his. They sit in the shade of the tree, noisily slurping their drinks. 

“So, you ready for senior year yet?” His tone is cheery and upbeat. 

Raleigh looks forlornly down at the distant houses below them, running a hand through his short hair. “No. I’m kind of scared, actually.” 

“Scared? Why?”

He whispers. “I didn’t think I’d ever make it this far.” 

Zach frowns, glancing down at Raleigh’s hand, sliding his over it. “It’ll be okay. You’ve got me, don’t you?” 

“But what happens after we graduate?”

A silence wedges its way between them. “Well.. we’ll both be going to college, right?”

Raleigh shakes his head. “No. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it. I mean, I can barely handle school as is, what with..”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s just something I’ll have to live with for a while.” 

“But, don’t you want to at least try and come out to your parents? Your mother is already supportive of you, right?” 

He sighs. “She is, but - I just know my dad would kick me out or something if he found out.”

Zach stutters trying to grope for words. “Well - I - I’m sure my folks would let you stay with us for a little bit?”

“No. I don’t want to be more of a burden than I am, Zach.” 

He grips Raleigh’s hand tightly, an edge sharpening his voice. “You’re not a burden! Stop saying that!” Raleigh looks back to him, tears in his eyes. “Whatever happens, I’m going to be right here, alright?” Zach turns bashful, Raleigh scooting a little bit closer to him. “I mean, you already know how I feel about you. I don’t need to say it any more than I have.” 

“I know…” He grins, looking at Zach through half-lidded eyes. They both feel the kiss that’s about to come and lean into each other, the humid summer air caressing their skin.

At that moment, a distant alarm fills Zach’s ears. He wakes up, covered in a sheen of thin sweat. Did he forget to close his window last night? He checks the clock on his nightstand; it reads five A.M. He mutters to himself, “Fuck my life.”

Zach has a raging headache, hungover from the party last night. He takes a long look in the bathroom mirror at the bags under his eyes. Hopefully coffee, of all things, would fix him in time for work.


	2. Wax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night after the party, Raleigh wants to just avoid the fallout of the previous night. Carter proposes a breakfast "date" to apologize.

Today, Raleigh takes the stairs. Only a single flight up and he decides to grab coffee, despite how late it may make him. The last thing he wants to do is see Carter first thing in the morning. May as well put it off for as long as he can. 

The moment he steps onto the cafe floor, he catches a glimpse of Zach, whose stare is filled with concern. Raleigh shuffles over, rubbing at his eyes. “Hey..”

“You feeling okay?” Zach leans over the counter, elbows resting on the edge. His brown eyes remain locked on his face. “Can I get you something? On the house? It’ll be my treat.” 

“Are you sure you can do that?” 

He waves a hand, dismissing his question. “Oh, I’ll be fine. Besides, you need it.” 

“If you say so.” 

As Zach makes his drink, seemingly pumping an extra espresso shot or two into it, he keeps glancing up at Raleigh. “Did you sleep at all? You look dead, man.” 

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” He punctuates this with a long yawn. “I just need to worry about getting through the next couple hours.” 

Zach hands his latte over, but refuses to let go when Raleigh tries to take it. “You sure you’re doing okay?” 

“Yeah, I said I’m fine, didn’t I?” His fingers loosen enough for Raleigh to slip the cup out. Zach bites his lower lip. 

“I just - after last night, I personally think you should stop trying to impress that Concord guy.” 

“Who?” 

He rolls his eyes. “Carter.” 

“Oh.” Raleigh takes a sip. “And pray tell, why is that?” 

Zach glances around before leaning in close. “He might seem nice, but don’t go thinking you’re special to him or something, alright?” 

“What makes you say that?” His eyebrows dip low. “It’s not like you have a thing for him or anything, right?” 

Zach stares at him, genuine surprise making his mouth drop. “Excuse me? You can believe that if you want, I really don’t care. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

“Okay.. if you say so. I’ll try to keep it in mind, by the way.” He offers a sheepish grin as a dual payment and apology. “Sorry.” 

He rolls his eyes, “No problem, that’s what best friends are for, right? Or did you forget that too?” 

“Oh, shut up.”

Zach snickers. “See you later, Raleigh. Tell casanova I said hi.”

Up on his floor, Raleigh focuses on taking his day slow, to wake up and not fall back asleep with his coffee in hand. He slumps in his chair, lazily typing at his computer with his free hand. He senses someone step behind him, the scent of cologne very telling of who it is. “Good morning, Carter.” 

“Hey there.. morning, Raleigh.” He looks over his shoulder to Carter, who has a hand scratching at his scruff. Gone is the laidback confidence, a nervous air taking its place. “You, uh, doing okay after the party? Feeling alright?” 

Raleigh groans. “Yes.. I’ve already told someone else I’m fine.” 

“Let me guess, that barista from downstairs?” 

“Zach.” 

“Who?” 

“His name is Zach, Carter. How did you forget the guy’s name you made out with?”

“You’re right, I’m just being petty, I guess.” He sighs. “Okay, so you told Zach. Is that any better?” 

“Thank you. He says hi by the way.” Raleigh takes a long sip of coffee. “Now, you were saying?” 

Carter’s eyes shift back and forth, nodding to his office. “Could we maybe talk in there instead? I just don’t want people to overhear us. You understand, right?”

He raises his eyebrows, shrugging. “Whatever you want, Concord.”

“I don’t remember telling you-”

“Zach told me.” Raleigh brushes past him as he opens the door, taking the solitary seat in front of his desk. “Coming?” Carter follows suit and Raleigh can swear he heard Karen giggle to herself. “So, what did you want to talk about?” 

He leans on the front of his desk, arms folded over his chest. Carter appraises him, mouth a tight line. “About what happened, how you walked in on us... kissing.” 

“Uh huh?” 

“I just don’t want people to think I’m dating him.” He picks up on the weight of his words, stammering out an afterthought. “I mean! Yet.”

“So, what do I have to do with this?” 

Carter has backed himself up into a corner. Raleigh sips from his coffee nonchalantly. 

“I guess I’m caught in a weird situation with you two huh?” He closes his eyes, hand pressed to his mouth. “Listen, we’ve known each other a week. I just want to see where this goes before we make any rash decisions, okay?” 

“Whatever you say.” Raleigh checks his watch, having no idea what he’s talking about. “Can I get back to work?” 

“Let me say one thing, alright?” Carter runs a hand through his gelled hair. “I actually meant to ask if you’d want to go out for breakfast tomorrow, so I can apologize for my behavior last night.” He grits his teeth. “I probably gave the wrong impression, I’m sorry.” A light blush blooms on his face as he pauses. “I’m not really used to talking about my feelings like this.” 

Raleigh stares back up, unblinking. “Okay?” 

Carter looks down at the floor, “I’m sorry again, this got awkward really fast.”

“So, can I get back to work now?”

He sighs. “Yeah… that was all I wanted to say. Don’t forget, okay?” He snaps his fingers, scrambling to pull his phone out of his pocket. “Actually, would it be weird to ask for your number? Just so I can give you directions and everything?” Carter patiently adds in his contact info, repeating the number back to him just to be safe. “Okay, that’s it. See you tomorrow morning, bright and early?”  
Raleigh walks to the door, looking back before he steps through. He mumbles, “Yeah, see you, Carter.”

***

“You WHAT?” 

“What?” 

“You actually agreed to go out with the guy?” Zach leans back in his chair, surveying Raleigh with a judging eye. 

“And should I not have?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. It’s not my place to tell you what you can’t do, I just don’t think it’s a good idea is all.” 

Raleigh’s eyes fall low, lips pursed in thought. “Do you think I should cancel, then?” 

“Why do you care what I think? I’m not the one going out with Mister Suave.” 

“I’d just like a second opinion.” 

“Well, if you ask me, the only opinion that should matter is your own.” Zach shrugs. “If you don’t really feel up to going, then don’t.” 

He frowns. “But, wouldn’t that be rude? I don’t want to disappoint him.” 

Zach raises a single finger, leaning over the table. “Raleigh, let me ask you one thing; what has he done to deserve it?” 

Raleigh’s face is a blank slate, gears turning in his head. “I don’t know...” 

“Exactly. But, I’m not making any decisions for you.” He glances at the clock, rolling his eyes. “My break’s over. We can talk about it later, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

As Zach stands from his seat, he grimaces. “Listen, everything’s going to be fine, alright? Go on the date. I’m sorry for making you second guess yourself.” 

Raleigh deflects with a grin. “It’s okay, I think I needed it. I don’t really think about things like that.”

“Glad to see one thing hasn’t changed about you.” Zach snorts, walking back over to his workspace with a lazy wave. “Tell me how it goes, by the way.” 

“Will do.” 

***

Raleigh sits at the table, mug held between his hands. He came early and chose a seat by the window, so he could see when Carter arrives. He needs time to adjust to the idea of it being an actual, well, date. 

His waitress comes over, asking if she can get him anything else. 

“Oh, no, I’m waiting for someone. Thanks, though.” He politely smiles as she goes to her next table. Checking his phone to make sure it still isn’t time, he returns to watching the street. He practices casual conversation in his head, rehearsing possible questions and answers so he doesn’t come out the gate stuttering.

He gets so focused on this, he doesn’t notice the blue puma parking on the curb, or Carter entering the diner and slipping into the chair beside him until his velvety voice fills his ear. “Now, who did you get all dressed up for?”

Raleigh jumps, head jerking towards him. A grin is plastered on Carter’s face. “Oh, it’s just you.” 

His arms are loosely folded, eyes glimmering. “Were you expecting someone else?”

“No, ‘course not.” Carter’s eyes trail over Raleigh’s face slowly, surveying every detail. His grin only grows. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. Just enjoying the view from over here.” 

“What view?”

“You know, the one right in front of me.” Carter cocks his head. “So, what’s up? I didn’t expect you to be so early.”

“I was just waiting on you.”

His brows raise. “Well, here I am.” 

Carter orders himself coffee with an omelette for them to share. Neither have much of an appetite, the butterflies in their stomachs making it hard to think about eating anything. He interrupts the silence with a long yawn. “You okay?” 

“Just had trouble sleeping, nothing to worry about.” 

“Something on your mind?” Raleigh lays his own tired gaze on him, piercing past his dismissive words. 

Carter scratches his beard. “I’m still thinking about the other night… Like I said before, I’m sorry.” His fingers twitch around his coffee mug, picking at the food. “I’ll try to keep myself in check if something like that happens again. It was my fault.” His voice is hollow, like these words are something he’s beat into himself over and over. 

“It wasn’t anybody’s fault. You were drunk - you both were.” Raleigh’s face droops, sighing. “It’s over, right? So it doesn’t matter anymore.” 

Carter shifts in his seat, lips tight. “You can’t just ignore things like this, Raleigh.” 

“I’m not?” 

“You’re-“ He exhales through his nose, eyes closed. “Okay. You’re not. I’ll just drop it.” He clears his throat. “So, it’s come to my attention I don’t really know much about you; you’re like an enigma still. Any hobbies to speak of?” 

Raleigh’s eyes wander. “Reading.. Painting..” 

“You paint?” 

“I used to. I haven’t really had the free time to do it anymore.” He grumbles. “It’s as good as therapy.” 

Carter’s sunshine smile returns, coming out from behind dense clouds. “I’m glad you have something like that - sometimes I wish I had the same thing, y’know?” His eyes fall low. “I guess working out helps, but it feels like I need something else.” 

“I’d be more than happy to set aside some time and paint with you!” Carter cocks a brow. Perhaps he came off a little too eager. “Or, whatever else you want. I’m open to suggestions.” 

The eyebrow stays cocked. He shifts his seat closer, leaning into Raleigh’s bubble, eyes trailing down his face. “I have a few things in mind I’d love to do with you, actually.” 

His face grows warm, images of their lips colliding again at the connotation of his words. That is what he means, right? So far Carter has done nothing but flirt more than usual, not that he minds. Is he trying to compensate for something, though? Raleigh finds his voice. “And what are they?” 

“Let’s just say it’s better suited to talk about in private.” Carter’s fingers lightly touch Raleigh’s knee. He looks down to his hand, then back to Carter’s face. “...So.. what do you think?” After a moment of silence, he slips his hand away, tucking it under his bicep. “Okay, if you’re trying to give me a hint, I got it.” 

“Listen, I’m not saying it’s off the table, just that I’d like to get to know you more before we.. y’know?” 

Carter stiffly nods. “Yeah, I got you. I guess I just got a different vibe.” He glances to the half-eaten omelette. “You hungry still?”

“No.”

“But, you haven’t eaten at all? You can take it home, if you want.”

He sighs, his foot fidgeting. “I’m fine. I’ll just eat when I get home.” 

“You planning on leaving already?” 

“No - Maybe.” 

“Did I do something wrong..?” He crosses his legs, brows low in concentration. “You can tell me, whatever it is.” 

Raleigh opens his mouth to speak, only to close it. He wraps his fingers tightly around his wrist. A part of him wants to give in to Carter’s hopeful wish, to forget about his original intentions and sleep with him. It would certainly be the easier route. Holding out for love is like refusing yourself the pleasure of something sweet, momentary and short-lived. But, he’s fearful. Would refusing him a single night ruin his chances completely? “Can I ask you something? It’s probably stupid, but I can’t help but wonder.” 

“Yeah, shoot.” 

“What exactly are your intentions?”

“What do you mean?”

“Let me rephrase it - are you only looking to get in my pants, Carter?” 

Carter’s eyes shift down to Raleigh’s hands, then back to staring into his. He puts on an uneasy grin. “Let me be frank; I would’ve told you by now if I was.”

“Really?”

The left side of his grin twitches. He rubs at his chin with his thumb. “Yea. Scout’s honor.” 

He almost doesn’t believe him. “I’m sorry if it was a weird question, I just want to know beforehand.”

“Before..?”

“Before anything else happens - if it does, anyway.” 

“Right, got it.” He flips a switch back to his previous chipper demeanor. “So, you still planning on leaving?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel too good, actually.” Raleigh lies. “Besides, I want to check up on my cat.” 

Carter’s eyes light up. “A cat, you say?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I could.. perhaps.. visit sometime?” He raises a hand. “Let me clarify - visit you. But also the cat.” 

He wants to say no at first, he wants to stay holed up in his apartment with his fur baby and decompress. But Carter looks at him with those angelic eyes of his and he’s powerless. He knows he must be making a mistake, but he can’t stop himself. “Sure. When?”

“Why not right now?” 

“Seriously?”

Carter snorts. “I’m joking.” He pauses, the beginnings of a sly smile at the corners of his mouth. “Could I ask you something? How would you feel about going out on a date with me? Say later tonight, around eight o’clock?”

He squints. “You mean this isn’t a date?”

“... No? That’s why I’m asking you out on one.”

“Oh.” Raleigh blushes. “My bad for assuming. But, yeah, I’d love to.”

Carter extends an upturned hand, Raleigh giving him assumedly for a handshake. What is this, some kind of contract? Carter’s fingers unexpectedly caress his wrist as he kisses the back of his hand, grinning against his skin. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” 

“Uh - No, it’s cool. I’m cool.” He pulls his hand back, kneading the cool spot where his lips were. “So, see you then?” 

Carter’s eyes grow bright. “See you then.” 

***

Once home, Raleigh takes a long deserved depression nap, waking up with Cooper on top of him. He glances at the clock in a daze, placing his cat beside him, scratching Cooper’s belly. It reads six o’clock. With a sigh, he decides to get ready. Raleigh's apartment is mostly bare, the decor from the previous tenants. A single crystal vase sits on his kitchen table, all his photos flipped down. He sends Carter directions to his apartment that he asked for over an hour ago. He may or may not have slept longer than anticipated. After fifteen minutes of lying on his couch and pacing, he hears a knock at his door. He checks the peephole, spying a familiar scruffy face on the other end. He opens the door, leaning against it with as much flirtation as he can muster. “Good evening, Carter.” 

Carter gives him a once over, eyes swallowing him up. A leather jacket hugs his frame, a simple yellow button up and tight jeans to accompany it. He gives off a James Dean vibe of effortless cool. He wets his lips, taking a long moment to answer, too preoccupied gazing. “You look nice.” 

“Really? Thanks!” Raleigh tugs at his thin sweater, hoping he isn’t overdressed for what’s to come. Or more like, what he hopes is to come. As much as he wants to wait, he can at least give himself enough leeway for another makeout session or two, right? His fingers toy with his hair as he stares back, eyes burning. “Uh, I think you look nice too!” He blushes. “So, should we get going?” 

“We don’t have to leave right away, you know.” He leans against the door frame, grin cocky. 

“Well, we don’t want to be late, right?” 

Carter considers this, raising his brows and shrugging at long last. “You’re right, we can always save that for later.” 

“That?”

“Oh, you know.” He winks. “Anyways, let’s get going.” 

The walk down is silent, but for some reason Carter keeps brushing against him, he’s so close. He bites his tongue. They hop into his car, taking the short drive to the bar. It’s slow when they arrive, settling for a booth in the back. Black lights shine down on them from the edge of the ceiling. The light-colored furnishings are all bright underneath them. They order burgers and drinks. Carter keeps his hand in the middle of the table, just in case Raleigh wanted to hold his. “I’m sorry for being so forward all the time.” Carter says. “I’m just not used to taking things so slowly.” 

“So you typically just sleep around with coworkers at your leisure, huh?” He sips from his fruity drink, holding eye contact.

“Well.. when you put it like that, yeah. I guess I do.” His finger taps the edge of the table and a twinge of guilt squeezes Raleigh’s gut. 

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.” 

“No, you’re right. I don’t really know how to act outside of a fling.” 

“You mean you’ve never tried to date?”

Carter rubs his fingers into his forehead, avoiding Raleigh’s stare. “I have, but it didn’t work out like I planned. It’s just easier this way.”

“But, don’t you want someone?” 

He looks back up, a grin threatening to break his cool front. “Yeah, I actually do. But, I’m not sure whether I should pursue them or not.”

“What? Why not?” Raleigh takes a bite of his burger, gesturing with it. He eggs him on. “I’m sure if you just told them how you really feel, they’d feel the same way.” 

“I don’t know. They seem like they’re busy with someone else. I don’t wanna get in the way.”

Raleigh’s mouth twists with thought, assuming he’s talking about Zach. But, they’re just friends. There’s no reason for Carter to feel threatened. He fakes a grin. “I’m sure that’s not true!” He slips his hand over Carter’s at long last. “Why don’t you just see where things go before making a decision like that? At least, that’s what I’d do.” 

“You really think I should?” His eyes gleam, brows up in mild surprise.

“Well, yeah.”

Carter slowly intertwines his fingers with Raleigh’s, squeezing his hand. He leans over the table and speaks in hushed tones. “Say, you wanna get out of here, go somewhere quieter?”

“Sure.” He glances down to half the burger in his hand, making quick work of it in a matter of minutes. He chugs the rest of his drink, almost choking on it. 

“You.. you okay?”

“Fine! I’m fine!” He coughs into his hand. “Okay. I’m ready.” 

“You know you could’ve taken your time, right?”

“I know, I don’t wanna keep you waiting, though.” 

“It’s okay.” Carter squeezes his hand a little bit tighter. “I could sit here and watch you all night.”

“Watch me eat?” 

“I mean, other than that.” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “Anyway, I have a place in mind we could sit for a while and talk if you want?”

“Yeah, sounds good!” He snickers, easy going. Buzzed Raleigh has no cares in the world. Just as they’re ready to leave, he senses a pair of eyes on him from afar. Flicking his eyes over his shoulder, he only sees the rest of the bargoers behind him, all focusing on themselves. It must be him imagining things. 

They step out into the humid summer night, thankful for the warm, fresh air after spending an hour or so in the stuffy bar. The sky is alight with numerous stars, dull against the neon lights of the city. Streetlights illuminate their path in a hazy orange as they walk along the street, block after block. 

Raleigh leans against Carter, who has an arm hooked around his waist. Partially to keep him from stumbling over his own feet, but also simply to have him on his arm. They talk about the night, delving into simple topics like music and literature. Raleigh grows more comfortable by the minute, Carter nudging him bit by bit into the moonlight. For once in his life, he isn’t so stuck in his head, blatantly flirting back and forth. 

“God, can I just say something?”

“Shoot.”

“You’re really handsome, Carter.” Raleigh leans his head against a leather-clad shoulder, a big grin on his face. “Like, how do you wake up like this every morning? You’re perfect.” 

“Oh, c’mon now. You’re not giving yourself enough credit.” 

“What?”

“Well… I think the same thing about you.” He flashes his signature grin, his cheeks pink.

“Oh my god, really?” Raleigh shields his mouth with a hand. “That’s so cute.”

“What can I say? If the shoe fits.” Carter winks. Raleigh melts like a popsicle left in the sun too long.

He gasps. “Stop! You’re going to kill me. What will the authorities say when they find my body?”

“That you’re the cutest body they ever saw.” This has Raleigh howling, Carter tightening his hold on him. They reach their destination, the large, sprawling park smack dab in the middle of the city. Large trees reach up to the sky, little lanterns lighting their way on the path, crickets chirp from the grass. Carter continues to tug him along, knowing the way even in the dark. They stop at an ornate fountain, turned off for the night. 

Carter lays his jacket on the concrete for Raleigh to sit on. He leans back, stretching his hand out and accidentally brushes against Carter’s. “Oh, sorry-”

“No, you’re good.” He takes his hand, holding it loosely, massaging the back of his with a thumb. Carter gazes at him from the corner of his eye, seeing the low light painting him in a way he had yet to see. He smiles to himself. “I’m really glad you decided to stay that first day.” 

“Oh? Why’s that?”

He blushes. “Well, I would’ve missed you.”

“I repeat my question; why’s that?”

“Y’know.” He laughs, shrugging. 

“I don’t.” 

Carter swallows a knot in his throat. “I.. I like you a lot, okay? Probably more than I should only having known you little more than a week.” He sighs. “I don’t know, you’re just really cute and I don’t wanna somehow mess this up.”

“You really don’t need to worry about that, Carter.” He looks up at him focused on his lips. Raleigh zeroes in, his intoxicated self making a move sober him would never in a million years; going in for a kiss. Carter notices from a mile away, a hand on the small of his back. Just as their lips are about to collide, Raleigh’s hand slips on the damp concrete, sending them both into the shallow water. All he wants to do is scream at himself for his blunder, but Carter shrugs it off, helping him out with a patient hand. “I’m sorry, that was so dumb of me!” Raleigh wrings his drenched sleeve.

“No, it’s cool. Just a little bit of water. I think I’m better off than you are, anyway.” He picks up his leather jacket, laying it over Raleigh’s shoulders. “You can wear it for the rest of the night, help keep your warm.”

He tugs it close, shivering, wet hair dripping. Carter’s cologne is strong, surrounding him in soothing fumes. “Thanks, by the way. You really didn’t have to.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He bites his lip, looking away. “It really suits you.” Raleigh hides his flustered face in the jacket’s collar, letting the comment sink in. They fall into silence, but neither of them mind it. After chatting for so long on the way here, it’s satisfying having a lull. There’s no need to fill it with pointless words and small talk. Their hands barely touch, both comfortable with the smallest of gestures. “So, wanna call it a night?”

Raleigh lets out a long yawn, letting himself be lead by Carter back to the car. He slumps in his seat, enveloped by the jacket’s leathery softness. The ride is short, but neither of them want to part ways. It’s deja vu, Carter brushing against him on the way up, standing in his hallway like a shy kid with a crush, hands in his pockets. “I had a really nice time tonight.” 

“I did too! Thanks, by the way.” 

His eyebrows lower, questioning. “For what?”

“For asking me out, I wouldn’t have gone out tonight otherwise.” 

“Ah, you’re welcome, then.” He grins. “The pleasure was all mine, though.” 

Raleigh goes to unlock his door. An idea filters through the fog in his mind and he pretends he can’t open it. “Hey, Carter? Can you help me get my door open? I can’t seem to get it unlocked.”

“Oh, sure thing.” Carter steps beside him. As he leans down, Raleigh leans up on his tiptoes, kissing him on the cheek. It’s quick and chaste, but he’s still gratified regardless. He successfully unlocks his door, stepping through, leaving Carter in the hallway with a surprised hand where he kissed him. 

“Good night, Carter!” 

“G-Good night..” He waves, small and bashful. Easing the door shut, Raleigh balls his hands into fists, hyping himself up. He did it! He kissed Carter! 

He sniffs, a familiar scent filling his nose. He gropes along his chest, the feel of the jacket under his hands. He also forgot to give this back. He’ll have to give it back to him tomorrow, if he remembers anyway. For now, he has the pleasure of sleeping in it if he so chooses. That night, he falls asleep dreaming of Carter.


	3. Wane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little blurb from Zach’s pov.

Zach stares at the spot where Raleigh stands, glowering past him at Carter, jealousy gestating in his stomach. He’s had the unfortunate pleasure of watching their sickly sweet display all night. To think he was just about to enjoy himself when Romeo walked in beside him. Raleigh looks straight at him, but he obviously doesn’t recognize his face. He squints, giving it up after a moment to follow Carter out the door.

Zach glances back down into the whiskey in his glass, throwing it back. The burn as it goes down is oddly pleasant. He sighs, he may as well leave at this point, no amount of alcohol could fix his mood. Even though he came out to enjoy himself, his head is too full of what Raleigh and Carter are up to. Are they holding hands? Kissing again? He can only imagine. He tightens his hand into a fist, exhaling a calming breath. As stupid as it sounds, he could cry right now, intrusive thoughts running through his brain like a pack of wild dogs, foretelling doom.

Zach dull, the moon barely shining through thick clouds. He drifts down the sidewalk, hands in his jacket pockets, keeping his eyes low. Worse thoughts slip into the forefront, making his chest ache. Is Carter going to seduce his best friend, only to leave him on the shelf like he has so many other doe-eyed interns that have come through the office? He grits his teeth. No, of course not, it’s all in in his head. He is selfishly hoping that things will turn out poorly for them, that Raleigh will come running into his arms for comfort, like he always has. All he can do is offer a shoulder to cry on and hope he gets a one in a million chance to make his feelings known. The kiss at his door was a bit much, sure, but he couldn’t help himself. There’s only so much he can keep bottled up at one time and it’s not like Raleigh owes him anything. It’s his choice who he wants, after all. Zach is more than comfortable with being the designated best friend. At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Zach steps through the door of his ground-floor apartment, moths fluttering in the light above his door. He flicks on his light, sitting down at his couch, hands rubbing at his tired eyes. As much as he wants to sleep, his sick stomach is keeping him from retiring to bed. He stares at the photographs dotting his coffee table, all from his childhood and high school years. He stares into the face of a seventeen year old Raleigh, who is almost unrecognizable, his hair ridiculously short. They’re sitting on a picnic table, grinning into the camera Raleigh is holding. Zach has an arm around Raleigh’s shoulders. His eyes glisten as nostalgia creeps up on him, bringing back years old memories full force.

 

It was another boring summer day like any other and Zach had coaxed Raleigh out of the house. Just to hang out, he remembers telling himself. But, in hindsight, it’s obvious it was more than that.

Zach and Raleigh sit on the wooden picnic table, leaning back like sunning cats. They’re in light clothes, sweat rolling down their skin. The humid air makes them lethargic, wanting nothing more than to lie around, so what better way to do it than with each other?

Raleigh sits on the edge, knees closed, a little polaroid camera in his lap. He’s weathering the storm, choosing to sit in the heat in content silence. Zach, however, is making a big show of it. “It’s so fucking hot! I feel like I’m gonna melt or something.” He fans himself with his shirt, Raleigh looking the other way.

“It’s really not that hot, y’know.”

“Yeah, I just like to complain, right?” Zach scoots closer to his corner, staring into his face. His hair is tied back. He glances down at the camera in Raleigh’s hands. “What’d you bring that for, anyway?”

“I don’t know, I just thought it’d be nice to take some photos for sentimental reasons, y’know?” He lifts up the cheap polaroid, staring into it. “I’m not sure what I should photograph, though. I only have so much film in this thing.”

“Well, you could photograph us?”

Raleigh stumbles over himself, his grip tight on the camera. “You - you think so? You’d really want to?” Zach can spot the blush on his cheeks, only nodding to his request. Raleigh holds out the camera, trying to fit them both in.

Zach laces an arm around his shoulders, tugging him in close. The simple sensation of their damp skin touching leaves Raleigh’s heart galloping. “You planning on taking it or not?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” His hands shake too much for him to take the photo. Zach, however, places a gentle hand over Raleigh’s long enough for him to nab the shot, the bright flash going off, leaving him staring at the framed photograph in hand. It was the only thing he was able to hold onto after Raleigh left.

All this time he has been trying to convince himself he isn't still in love with Raleigh. It happened back in high school, so why is it that he's unable to let go and treat him like just a friend? Has he deluded himself so much that he is unable to accept how things have changed? As far as Zach can tell he's still his gentle best friend. That he may or may not be in love with still. But, it's not like he ever intended on telling him that. One day he would have the guts to say something. But, who knows when that would be.

Zach slips into bed, lying directly under his fan. It’s one of those restless nights for him.  He closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep, but no matter how long he sits, his mind races. He submits to staring into the ceiling, sweat running down his skin in the stuffy room. Even with a window open, nothing helps. His heart aches for Raleigh, a thing he has avoided until now out of self-preservation. But, now that he’s back to thinking about him, he’s caught himself in his own trap. He rolls over onto his side with a sigh.

He’s going to tell him how he really feels tomorrow, regardless of the outcome, he has to get this off his chest if it's the last thing he does.

He just has to look on the bright side of things.

 

***

That morning, Raleigh approaches his counter at eight o’clock, like he always has. He has gotten into the habit of getting coffee every morning before he makes the ascent to his floor, mostly as an excuse to gossip with Zach. Today, they both have amazing news to tell each other.

Both contentedly hum with subdued smiles on their faces, restraining themselves. Raleigh leans against the end of the counter, simply staring Zach down as he routinely makes his drink. Zach snorts, rolling his eyes. “You got something you wanna say?”

“Maybe.” He actually grins from ear to ear. “It depends on whether you actually want to hear it or not.”

He pauses for a moment, considering whether or not he does, in fact, want to hear the news. It’s probably something to do with Carter if the previous night is any indicator. He nearly forgot about it himself, the events distant in his mind like a dream. It can’t be that bad, right? Probably just wants to gush about how handsome he is or something. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Okay, so, I know you’ll probably be pissed at me, but I went out with him to some bar last night - like an actual date.”

“Oh, really? Good for you.” He raises his brows, putting on his best poker face. “You mean the breakfast thing wasn’t a date?”

“That’s what I said!” Raleigh huffs. “Anyway, it was better than I thought it’d be.” He quiets himself down to an intense whisper. “He even let me wear his jacket. Cute, right?”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I’m glad things are going well for you two.” Zach slides his drink over. “Maybe I was wrong about Mister Professional Hot Guy.” He smirks, but his head is a hurricane of emotions, those same intrusive thoughts from the previous night slipping their tendrils around his brain. “So - so, anything else?”

“Well, kinda..”

“What is it?”

Raleigh dreamily sighs, hand caressing the side of his face like he’s daydreaming. “I know it’s stupid, but I think I might be falling for the guy.”

Panic and adrenaline swarm in. His hands are clammy, heart thrumming in his ears, and his head is cloudy. He isn’t sure what else to say but give a weak, “Uh huh.”

“... You okay? You look kind of out of it?”

“I’m fine! I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” His first honest statement over the course of this conversation. He had been plagued by dreams of the two of them growing distant again, being abandoned and replaced by Carter. His squeezes the edge of the marble counter, his knuckles going white. He turns his meltdown inwards, leaving his stomach in knots. A forced smile twitches onto his mouth. “I’m happy for you. I hope it works out.”

He narrows his eyes. “Really? I thought you were just saying it was a bad idea-”

“I know, but, you’re my friend, Raleigh. Just know, I’m always in your corner.”

“Thanks, Zach!” Raleigh grins back, bright and cheery. He looks so cute with his rosy face after getting all mushy and worked up over Carter. Jealousy jabs a pin into the balloon of Zach’s facade and he deflates before Raleigh’s eyes. “So, do you have something you wanna say? You look kind of… pissed off?”

Bitterness seeps into his words, shaking his head. “Like I said, I’m fine. Besides, it’s nothing. It really doesn’t matter, trust me.”

“Okay, but, y’know, if you ever wanna talk-”

“I’ll let you know if I ever do, okay? But right now isn’t the time.” He immediately regrets cutting him off as soon as Raleigh actually glowers at him. He parts ways without giving his usual chipper farewell, sauntering to the elevator. Zach almost cries.

That is the only time Zach sees Raleigh that day.


	4. Eclipse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like the Moon blocking out the Sun, Carter and Raleigh grow ever closer.

Day after day, Raleigh forgets to give back Carter’s jacket. He walks into the office and all he can do is give an embarrassed grin in its place. Secretly, he wants to hold onto it as long as he can. He’s worn it around the apartment for a week now while he cleans or naps, making sure to wipe Cooper’s fur off it every now and then to keep it pristine. He finds himself lying in bed in the early morning before work, hugging it to his chest.

At the office he forgoes his usual coffee, avoiding Zach altogether. He hasn’t even had time to think of him, with how clouded his head has been with rose-tinted fantasies of Carter. He exits the elevator in his pink cloud, floating down the hallway to his cubicle. He settles into his chair with a dreamy sigh, staring off at a far point of the office. 

“Good morning, Raleigh.” Carter’s soft voice surrounds him. Raleigh’s gaze groggily falls onto him, a sappy smile on his lips.   
“Mornin’.” 

Carter has a hand to his mouth to hide his own grin. “Looks like you remembered the jacket today, huh?”

“Oh, yeah.” He gasps and tugs it halfway off. “I’ll give it back before I forget again.”

Carter raises a hand. “No, that can wait. Besides, it really does look good on you.” 

“Oh? When did you want me to give it back, then?”

“Well, I was thinking you could come drop it off later.” Carter scratches at his scruff, surveying Raleigh’s questioning face.

“Later?”

“Yeah, like at my apartment?”

“Oh.” 

“That’s not a problem, is it?”

“Not at all.” Raleigh glances around, eyes ticking through his day. All he had planned was work, giving himself the rest of the day to get some needed cleaning done. With the way Carter eyes him, maybe he could put it off until tomorrow? “I mean, I do have to feed my cat after work, though.”

He doesn’t skip a beat. “No problem, I can just wait downstairs for you.”

Raleigh’s heart, however, does. “You mean like us driving together?”

“Well, yeah? Why not?” He takes a step closer, leaning with a hand on the edge of Raleigh’s desk. “I really don’t mind it.” 

Zach’s voice slices through the romantic tension, slick with sarcasm. “Yeah, hey guys, sorry to break up the party.” They both cock their heads to look up at him. He’s holding a single coffee in his hand, forcing himself between them to place it on Raleigh’s desk. “You forgot to get your coffee this morning, so I figured I’d bring it myself.” Zach shrugs, a smug grin on his lips. “What can I say? I’m just that thoughtful kind of-” He side eyes Carter, spitting out his next words specifically at him. “-Best Friend.” The trio stand in silence, Carter fuming. “So, what’s up guys? I didn’t interrupt something, did I?”   
Carter speaks through gritted teeth. “Nope, nothing.” He rolls his eyes, bumping past Zach. “I’ll see you later, Raleigh.” 

“Bye!” Zach gives a cheeky wave, turning to Raleigh, who has his arms crossed, eyes burning. “Oh, did I do something?”

“You know exactly what you did.” He scoffs. “What do you want, Zach?”

“Nothing, nothing. Just checking up on my friend, since I haven’t seen him the past couple days.” Zach fake laughs. “You know, like friends do - they check up on each other. You’re not avoiding me or something now, are you?”

“No… Why would I do that?” Raleigh avoids eye contact. 

“Well, I just can’t help but get the feeling you don’t want to talk to me.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

He sighs. “Raleigh, come on now. I know you better than anyone else, especially more than Casanova.” Zach snatches a chair from an empty desk, sitting on it backwards. He rolls back and forth, restless. “Listen, if what I said the other day irritated you, you can just tell me?” 

The hard edge to his voice softens. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, though.”

“Well, I’d say avoiding me is making a big deal out of it already. Promise to tell me if I’m doing anything out of line in the future, okay?” He extends a hand, pinkie out. 

“A pinkie promise?”

“Yeah? I’m pretty sure making a blood pact at work is frowned upon.”

Raleigh makes the promise with a sigh. He smiles with his eyes, despite still being irritated from the other day. No matter how hard he tries, he can never stay mad at Zach. But, he couldn’t let him know that. “You’re just full of jokes, huh?”

“You know me, witty as always.” He grins into Raleigh’s face, briefly looking over him to Carter’s door. “You still planning on hanging out with the guy?” 

“Yeah, why? I mean, I like him and all.”

Zach grinds his teeth, shrugging. “Suit yourself, then. At least try to remember what I said before, okay? Set some boundaries with the guy.” 

“I know,” Raleigh groans. “You don’t have to worry so much about me, it’s not like I’m going to be throwing myself at him once I step through his door.” 

“I can’t help but worry, Raleigh.” He frowns. “I don’t want to see you get hurt again.” 

“Trust me, I’ll be fine.” Raleigh snaps. His thumb threatens to snap the pen he’s holding. “Now, don’t we both have work to do?” 

Zach eases out of his stolen chair and his face crumples. He whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“Everything, I guess.” 

“What do you mean?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing. Nevermind. I shouldn’t of said anything.” He takes a step back to the elevator. “Have fun tonight, by the way.” 

“Yeah, thanks.” 

“See you first thing, bright and early tomorrow?” His tone is imploring.

Raleigh grins. “You can count on it.” As he watches him walk away, a glimmer settles over him like a gentle mist, a certain feeling regarding Zach, the same one he willfully ignored the first time they were alone together. He smiles to himself, a quiet bloom on his face. Perhaps it was a mistake to pretend it wasn’t there? 

The hours pass by in a flash, half of it spent staring into his computer screen, thoughts of both Carter and Zach intermingling as they run circles around him. Carter taps his shoulder with a light hand, bag and jacket slung over a shoulder, stirring him from his perpetual daydream. His eyes and voice are sleepy. “Yeah?”

“You doing okay there?”

“Sorry, I was thinking about something.” 

“And what was it about?” That same cocky half-smirk finds it way onto his face. “Or should I say who?” When Raleigh freezes up, he drops the joke. “I was kidding, but you were seriously fantasizing about someone?” 

“Maybe.”

“Well, now I’ve gotta know who the lucky guy is.” He combs over Raleigh’s expression and body language for hints. “Would it be wrong to say it’s me?” 

A grin quivers to life, gripping at his chair arms. A single look around and he realizes they’re the last ones in the office, the sunset’s warm orange light streaming through a far-off window. “Not necessarily.”

“So, that’s a yes, then?” Carter cocks his head, closing the distance to lean into his space. He bites his lip, flicking his eyes to the elevator. “You have a cat to feed, right?” 

Carter follows Raleigh to the garage, going their separate ways to their cars. The ride home is short, Raleigh rushing up the stairs to his apartment, Cooper meowing incessantly. “I know, I know! I’m sorry!” He fills his food bowl, silently rubbing his belly as he eats. Taking a couple minutes to unwind before he returns to Carter, he lets out a deep sigh. His apartment is the only place he can truly be at ease, the bland decor feeling like home. He gets back onto his feet, slipping into a clean pair of clothes; just some jeans and an over sized floral shirt. He gives his hair a quick brushing before locking the door behind him, throwing a soft goodbye to Cooper. He makes sure he has the jacket in hand.

Downstairs, Carter leans against his puma, arms crossed, waiting, eyes fixed on Raleigh the moment he comes down. When they get in on their respective sides, Raleigh notes the charm dangling from the rear view. “What’s that for?”

“Oh, my niece bought that for me! Cute, right?” Carter grins at him.

“That’s one way to describe it, yeah.” 

“It’s her favorite character from this one series she loves, something about the main characters finding the bright side in the direst of circumstances.” He snorts. “I kind of think of myself in that way, y’know?” Raleigh honestly wonders about it, choosing to nod along in the end. They drive along, Carter’s hand draped lazily over the steering wheel, relaxation exuding from him. The car is icy, a sweet reprieve from the hot weather. Still, Raleigh has his hands pressed in between his thighs for warmth. 

The ride is silent, but it’s a moment of silence neither feels the need to fill. There is no pressure to speak, to start up conversation and break the peace. Raleigh watches the sidewalk drift past them, leaning back in his comfy seat. He barely notices Carter place a hand on his knee, most likely probing for his hand. He would love to do more, but that can wait until later, sliding his hand over for him to take. They sit like this for the remainder of the drive, neither acknowledging the simple gesture as if it were simply part of their routine.

Carter’s apartment is in the nicer side of the city, an iron gate barring the entrance, covered in ivy. Bright white brick practically shines in the sun, the building must be brand new. Carter opens Raleigh’s door for him, ever the gentleman. He offers him a shy smile as payment, watching Carter puff up a little bit, a satisfied grin brightening his face. 

They take the stairs up to the fourth floor, stepping into his humble abode. The wall of icy air hits him as soon as the door opens, giving him goosebumps. It’s fancy and large, at least larger than Raleigh’s. Plush white carpet covers every inch he can see, a matching couch and armchair in the living room. A glass coffee table sits between them. All his appliances are sleek chrome. Raleigh sits in stunned silence, eyes wandering around the apartment. “Wow.”

“What?”

“It’s so.. nice?”

“Well, I try.” Carter unbuttons his dress shirt, tugging it open to give himself some air. A thin trail of blonde chest hair runs all the way down. Raleigh stands by the door, awkward as ever, jacket draped over his arm, blushing like mad. “You can sit down while I get changed, y’know. I’ll just be a minute.” 

“Yeah - right.” He doesn’t move from his spot. As Carter rounds the corner, he tugs off his shirt entirely, tossing it into the laundry basket at his door. Carter comes back in a fresh set of clothes, a peach striped polo and white shorts. They’re form-fitting, an aspect Raleigh cannot keep himself from noticing. Carter leans a hand against the doorframe, expression oozing desire. Now that they’re in his domain, there’s nothing stopping him from making his want obvious. “You sure you don’t wanna keep that jacket, by the way?” 

“I mean, I do like it, but”

“But what?”

“It’s yours?”

He rolls his eyes. “I can always buy another jacket, y’know.” 

“No, I couldn’t do that!” He frantically shoves the jacket into Carter’s chest, hands fumbling for the doorknob. “So, uh, now that that’s done, I guess I’ll just be going” 

“Raleigh, I drove you here. You planning on walking home?”

“Maybe.” Carter holds the door shut with a hand. 

“You really don’t have to leave so soon. Why don’t you stick around a little bit longer?” 

Raleigh steps back from the door, being corralled further into the apartment. “I guess I could? I mean, I’m already here, right?”

“That’s the spirit!” He gestures to the rest of the expansive room. “Why don’t you rest your feet for a little while? I can make us something to eat, I’m sure you’re starving.” 

Raleigh slides onto the couch, careful to not scuff the assumedly expensive pillows. Carter is in the kitchen, a wooden spoon in one hand, tapping his chin comically. “How does spaghetti and meatballs sound?” He calls over. 

“Good?” Is this a date? Or is he simply projecting? Possibly the latter. He keeps his hands in his lap, eyes wandering over the minimal amount of clutter in his coworker’s living room. A couple of empty frames sit on the coffee table, a blue stained-glass lamp beside them. “So… nice lamp you got here.” 

“Oh, that ugly thing?” Carter scoffs. “My mother gave me an ultimatum to take it off her hands or she’d write me out of her will.” He places a hand on his hip, shooting Raleigh an amused look, chuckling to himself. “That would be the third time she threatened that.”

“Your mother sounds.. Interesting?”

“She’s a real piece of work.” He sets down the spoon on the counter, settling down on the couch beside Raleigh. He brushes his hands off on his pants, tapping his fingers against his thighs. “So, uh, how’re you doing over here? You good?” 

“Yeah, just peachy.” Raleigh states. Carter coaxes one of Raleigh’s hands out, lacing their fingers together. His blue eyes glow, a dopey grin threatening to break his cool facade.   
His voice pitches low as he leans over ever so slowly. His cologne slips around Raleigh like morning fog. “God, you’re so cute.” Carter squeezes his hand, head tilted, going in for the kill. He pauses, whispering. “This is okay, right?” 

Raleigh nods. He slips his eyes closed into the oncoming kiss. A hint of mint is on Carter’s breath, he must have prepared specifically for this moment. He melts against Carter’s heat as intense as the sun, being nudged to lie down on the couch as they continue to kiss. A hand caresses Raleigh’s cheek, lips on his neck. Raleigh stares up at the ceiling, fingers lost in Carter’s hair. “Hey, Carter?”  
He gets a muffled “Yes?” in response. 

“The food?”

Carter jolts up, coughing into his hand, smoothing his hair down. “Right - right! Didn’t mean to get so - uh - carried away.” He surveys the light pink marks cascading down Raleigh’s neck, biting the inside of his cheek. He groans. “I guess I can’t let the pasta overcook, huh?” 

“If you did I’d leave.” He says. 

“Then even more reason not to.” He returns to the stove, straining the water out, and mixing the spaghetti and meatballs together into one pot. He empties out two healthy portions for them into fine ceramic bowls, cranking seasonings into it. He carries them with the grace of a seasoned waiter, sliding them onto either side of the table. “Is there anything else I can get you, sir?”  
“Can I get a side of handsome blonde with this?” 

He frowns. “I’m sorry, but that dish you’ll have to wait until after dinner to have.” He snaps his fingers in remembrance, retrieving glasses of wine for them. He takes his seat across from Raleigh. “A toast - to us.” 

They clink glasses. “Us?”

“Well, you know what I mean.” He takes a sip, eyes shifted to the side. 

Dinner goes well enough, Carter a better cook than he thought. Is there anything he can’t do? Raleigh decides to do his due diligence as guest and help do dishes, mostly to be useful. He slips his hand into the soapy water, laughing at an offhand comment by Carter, and a shock of pain radiates from it. He yanks it out, a gash on the middle of his palm. Someone must have left a knife in by mistake. He absently waves his hand, hissing in pain. 

“Shit, you okay?”

“I’ll be good, just a little cut.”

Carter takes it in a gentle hand, examining it with a grimace. “Well, it looks like you won’t need stitches, thankfully, but I am going to have to clean it out at least.” He gives Raleigh a solemn nod, returning after a few minutes with gauze and antiseptic spray. “Okay, this is going to sting a little bit, so just bare with me here.” He sprays a healthy amount on the wound, Raleigh trying to not be a crybaby over it. Carter wraps his hand up, beaming at his work. 

Raleigh glances down into his hand, a soft blush on the edge of his face. “Um.. Thanks, Carter. You really didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh, nonsense! You’re my guest - and coworker. So, that means I have to take double care of you.” 

“If you say so.” He mumbles. 

“So, now that that’s over..” His glow retreats back inside, replaced by an awkward air. “I was thinking about… something.” 

“Oh?”

“I was thinking, and I know this is asking a lot of you.. but I was just hoping - wondering, really - if maybe you’d want to.. stay over for the night?” A grin twitches to life.

Raleigh blinks. “Why though?”

“Oh! Well - I..” He trails off, his steam lost. “I don’t really have a good excuse, other than.. I’d like it if you did? I have a guest room you could stay in.”

Raleigh leans against the sink, eyes panning over the apartment, pausing on Carter’s anxious face. “Actually..” 

“Yes?”

There’s a coy tone in his voice. “I mean, I’m already here, right? It wouldn’t hurt to stay over.” 

“Right, right! It just makes sense to, yeah?” He is pleased as a peach, practically vibrating with good vibrations. “So, it wasn’t weird that I asked you that, right?” He whispers.

He shakes his head. “Not from my view, anyway. We’re just two friends, having dinner, and one of the friends happens to be staying over, right?” 

“Totally. Just two friends… hanging out, so to speak.” They stare each other down from across the room, a stand off at high noon. Who will make the first move in this delicate game? The tension is palpable, thick like butter. Carter is the first to speak, his fingers twitching. “Anything you wanted to do?” 

Raleigh levels a wolf-like gaze onto Carter, eyes gleaming. The brief make-out session earlier awoke a hunger inside him, a fascination for Carter he has held back until now. What the hell, why not go for it? You only live once, after all. “Well, besides you? Not much.” He smirks, knowing fully the gravity of his words.

Carter face goes blank for a second, taking the time to comprehend his intentions. His brows come together. “You really want to…?” 

“Absolutely.” 

He plants firm hands on either side of Raleigh’s hips, staring down into his face. “You sure you want this? I thought-”

“Of course I do.” He huffs, squirming in Carter’s grip. “I thought you of all people would be on board with having sex?”

“No, I am. Only if you want it, though.” His mouth is a tight line, contemplating. Raleigh focuses on it the entire time. “I really don’t know where this came from, if I’m gonna be honest. I thought you wanted to wait?”

“I did, past tense. Did you not just mark up my neck, or did I imagine that?” 

He sighs. “Good point.” These are dangerous waters Raleigh’s treading in, the temperature rising ever so steadily since they first met. All he’s waiting on is for Carter to make his move. But, he doesn’t, his thumbs massaging little circles into the space of Raleigh’s hips. He speaks quietly, thinking out loud. “I don’t want this to make things messy between us.” 

“Messy?”

He grinds his teeth, words on the tip of his tongue. “I like you a lot, you already know that.” His eyes are watery. “I’m just scared. I don’t want to fuck this up like I have so many times before.” 

He squints. “I really don’t see how you would? We’re just fucking, Carter.” 

“I know! That’s the problem. I’d - I’d like it to mean more than just a casual hookup.” Emotion creeps into his voice. “I’m sorry. I let you down, huh?” 

Raleigh holds Carter’s face in his hands, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Of course not. I mean, I’m a little bit bummed, but I’ll get over it.” Carter rubs his scruff against his face, making him giggle.   
“See? We’re fine, nothing bad happened. I’m still here.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry for being dumb there.” 

“You’re fine. Don’t worry so much.”

Carter lifts Raleigh up into his arms, hands gripping fistfuls of his ass. “So, where were we? Jog my memory.”

Raleigh presses his lips just below Carter’s jawline, earning a content sigh from him.

“Right, thanks.” He chuckles. Fingers end up tangled in his hair as it’s Raleigh’s turn to do the marking, making sure to leave very visible hickies all over the lower side of his neck. “Oh, c’mon, are you trying to make me wear a turtleneck or something?” He slowly makes his way down the hall with his cargo, bumping into the wall once or twice. Raleigh has to open the guest room door for him, his hands busy exploring below Raleigh’s shirt. 

“Maybe I am.” 

Carter lays Raleigh down, who stretches back, his shirt riding up as he does so, exposing a thin band of his stomach. Carter cannot resist the urge to kiss him there, Raleigh jerking with a panicked laugh. “Ah! No! I’m ticklish!” 

He simply grins at him, nimble fingers at work on his sides, reducing him into a squirming mess. After a couple minutes, the tickle fest ceases and they’re left lying tangled up in each other on clean white sheets. Raleigh yawns, nuzzling Carter’s shoulder. “All tuckered out already?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be but someone had to tickle me to death.” He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Oh, no, I’m dead. What a shame.” 

“Looks like I’ll have to call the police and report the cutest body, after all.” 

Raleigh snorts. “Anyways, I’m going to crash, okay?” 

 

“Alright, I’ll let you get your sleep.” Carter swoops in for a kiss on the forehead, easing off the bed and closing the door behind him. 

Soft, ephemeral fantasies Carter plagues Raleigh’s dreams yet again that night.

***

Raleigh wakes to the sound of the coffee maker automatically filling and the shower running. He stretches, rubbing sleep out with his knuckles. He slips on his clothes from yesterday, a grimy feeling on his skin. Surely Carter wouldn’t mind if he used his shower. He stumbles across the hall, pushing the ajar door open. 

Carter stands in front of the mirror in nothing but a towel around his waist, toothbrush in his mouth. His built upper body is damp with hot water, his hair sticking up in little tufts. Raleigh’s eyes widen, face a bright red. In the back of his mind, the thought of Zach momentarily flickers out. Carter pauses all at once, laying his cool blues eyes on him, spitting into the sink. “You’re already awake? Isn’t it a little bit early for you?” He stares him down, leaning against the doorframe. “Hello? Raleigh?” 

“You’re hot.” He blurts out. 

“Huh?” 

“I mean, it’s hot. Like the bathroom. Anyway, I was going to ask to use your shower, but I think I’ll just wait until I get home.” He steps back towards his room to retrieve his pants. 

“Hey, listen, you don’t need to act awkward about walking in on me half-naked. I mean, we did almost have sex yesterday.” He steps out into the hall, steam billowing out behind him. “Besides, it’s not like you don’t like what you see, right?” 

“That goes without saying.” Ahem. “But, listen, as much as I’d love to stare at your pillowy chest all morning, I really need to get home. My baby must be missing me.” 

“Baby? - Oh, right. Well, I’ll see you at work, right?” 

“Of course.” He grins, stealing a quick little kiss on the cheek. “I’ll just let myself out.” 

Raleigh waves as he closes the front door behind him. He leaves Carter with a hand pressed to his cheek, blushing at the surprise kiss.


	5. Spring Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like the Tide bends before the Moon, Zach and Raleigh grow ever closer.

Raleigh stands at Zach’s counter, rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet, hands in his pockets to keep them from fidgeting. A content grin is on his face, eyes brimming with light. Zach eyes him, an eyebrow cocked, giving him a once-over. He takes a deep breath. “So, what’s up with you?”

“Oh, y’know - stuff.” He giggles.

“What kind of stuff is that?” His eyes trail down again to his neck. “I can only assume it’s about Carter, yeah?”

Raleigh sighs. “Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I really don’t get what’s so wrong with him, Zach? He seems great to me.”

“Trust me, you will.” He states, scorn tinting his words. “Let me be frank here; he’s not as good a person as you think he is. I would know.”

“What do you mean?”

“That I’ve known him longer than you have.” Zach clears his throat. “Anyway what can I get you? The usual?”

Raleigh surveys him with a wary eye, the upbeat demeanor gone. “Yeah, the usual, I guess.”

His expression softens as he makes his drink, handing it over with a groan. “Listen, we can talk about it later. I can come over if you want?”

“After work? You sure?”

“Well, yeah? Do you have another time in mind?”

“Not really.” He gulps, giddiness fluttering in his chest. He hasn’t let anyone into his apartment yet, picturing all the things he has to clean or pick up to make it adequate for a guest.  
“I can wait for you after my shift ends?” Zach asks.

“Only if you want.”

“Well, I do, so that’s that.”

Raleigh steps back, smiling at him. “I guess I’ll be seeing you later, then?” Zach only smiles back in response.

Hours later, Raleigh leans back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head. A familiar voice echoes down the hall.

“Hey, you done yet? I’ve been waiting for an eternity.” He twitches his eyes to meet Zach’s face. His long hair is down, shoved to his right, framing his face. He has on a grey plaid shirt, his dark denim jacket and jeans distressed. In his hands he holds plastic bags, the smell of food wafting from them.

“You really went home and changed?”

“And bought food.” He notes with a shrug. “I figured I may as well get out of my gross uniform.”

“Zach…”

“Don’t go saying I didn’t have to buy food, I’d feel bad showing up empty-handed.” Zach surveys the rest of the office floor, pausing on Carter’s door. “Where’s Loverboy been?”  
As if on cue, Carter’s door opens, and at first his grin is centered on Raleigh. The moment he notices Zach, though, it falters. He stands between them. “Am I missing something here?”

“Nothing that’s any of your business, Carter.” Zach folds his arms, staring him down. “Raleigh and me are just going to hang out.”

Carter sneers at Zach, eyes narrowed. “I don’t think I asked you, Matthews.”

“Well, it was an open-ended question, Concord.” He smirks. “You know me, giving my input where it isn’t needed.”

“Oh, I know very well.” He returns his glower with equal intensity, puffed up like a cat.

“Now then, I think Raleigh and I were just about to leave.” His tone turns smug. “Right, Raleigh?”

Raleigh slinks out of his chair, slipping his bag over his shoulder. He steps beside Zach. “I, uh, yeah. I’m sorry, Carter. I know you probably wanted to do something.”

He shakes his head, a bitter smile on his lips. There is an intensity in his eyes, a distant storm in his sky. “No, it’s fine. You two have your fun.”

“I didn’t really plan on doing this after work, I’m-”

“You don’t have to apologize to him. Besides, I think it’s high time I actually get to see my friend.” Zach scoffs. “Can’t have you hogging him all to yourself, can we?”

Carter’s expression is flat, forcing down reflexive anger to glance at Raleigh, softening his voice. “You can do whatever you want, Raleigh. You’re not the one I’m pissed at here.”

He looks back to Zach. “Why is he pissed off at you, of all people?”

Carter wets his lips. “Let’s just say we have history.”

Zach shifts his weight to his side, appraising Carter with an amused glint in his eye. “I think that’s all he needs to know from you, Concord. Don’t want to ruin the surprise.” He pointedly coughs, signaling an end to the conversation. “Now, like I said before, we have places to be. You know how it is.”

“...Sure.”

Raleigh turns to leave, tail tucked between his legs as he follows Zach downstairs, leaving Carter standing alone in the empty office. His hand trails along the rail, going at a leisurely pace. “I feel really guilty.”

Zach quips over his shoulder. “Don’t be, he doesn’t deserve it.”

The rest of the walk is silent, going their separate ways to their cars. Zach follows Raleigh to his apartment, standing behind him in the darkening light as he unlocks his door.  
They step through the threshold, Zach placing the takeout on the kitchen table. Cooper is preoccupied rubbing against Raleigh’s legs, meowing for food. He opens one of the cans of fancy cat food, emptying into his bowl, doing his typical routine of rubbing his belly as he eats. Zach watches from the table, chin in hand. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those crazy cat people now.”

Raleigh rolls his eyes. “Totally. I plan on adopting at least ten cats, didn’t you know?”

They both snort out a laugh, smiling easily. Raleigh slides into his chair and they dig into their cheap Chinese food. Raleigh mostly picks at his, distracted from the meal. He’s still guilty over leaving Carter by himself, he probably had something nice planned for them. “Hey, Raleigh? You doin’ okay there?”

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just thinking.”

Zach jabs his chopsticks at him. “Stop thinking about him. I’m sure he’ll get over himself eventually.” He shoves some rice into his mouth, chewing angrily. “Listen, I know I probably should’ve told you earlier but - I didn’t think it’d ever be a problem.”

“What?”

Zach closes his eyes. “We.. might of had a fling a while back.”

His mouth hangs open. “You mean? You and Carter..?”

“Yes. I know, I’m as appalled as you are.” He makes a disgusted noise. “I don’t know what came over me to fuck that guy, but I must have been in a real hole when I did.” He considers his words, Raleigh’s fingers toying with his hair. “If you still want to see him after this, that’s fine with me, okay?”

“But, I thought you were the one who didn’t want me seeing him in the first place?”

He groans. “Okay, you got me there.”

“I mean…” His voice lowers to a whisper. “Is there some other reason you don’t want me to see him? I really don’t get it.”

Zach exhales a deep breath, hand over his mouth. He fidgets in his seat, fingers rapping on the tabletop. “Possibly.”

“Then what is it? And why couldn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Do you really wanna know?”

Raleigh rolls his eyes, leaning back in his seat. “Yes? Would I ask otherwise?”

Zach settles his gaze on Raleigh, a look full of distant longing. The tide of emotions within him swells high and he can’t keep it to himself any longer. His voice strains to get it out, cheeks flushing with his confession. “Because I love you.”

Raleigh's brows go high. “You what?”

Zach speaks again with more confidence. “I love you, Raleigh. Looking back, I guess I always have.”

Raleigh laughs, a hand cupped over his mouth. "What do you mean? You're still joking about this?"

“No. This isn't a joke, I'm serious.” Zach moves around the table to crouch beside Raleigh’s chair, holding his free hand with as much care as one would a small animal. He gazes into Raleigh’s eyes, a broad smile on his lips. “I love you.” He gropes for words in the dark, things that he’s wanted to say for so long, but never had the courage to do so.

All he can find are those three simple words, laced with all the softness of rose petals and morning dew. So, he repeats them as many times as he can.

“Just tell me one thing.”

“Okay.”

“Why did you wait so long to tell me? Why did you let me get involved with Carter if you - if you felt this way?” He looks forlornly out the window.

“Because I’m stupid, next question.” He chuckles in an effort to lighten the mood. “I was waiting for the right time, but I guess there is no right time for this stuff huh?”

“So, what should I do?”

“As far as..?”

“Zach. What am I supposed to tell Carter?”

“Tell him the truth.” He rolls his eyes. “Listen, it’s not like you two are officially dating or anything, right?”

“Well, no.”

“So what’s the issue?”

“I.. I feel like I have to choose between you two?”

“Don’t be stupid, that’s some love triangle bullshit they put in young adult novels.” He mocks, shooting his concerns down faster than a professional gunslinger. “What should really matter is what you want.” He pauses. “So, what do you want?”

He answers after an extended beat. “Both of you.”

“Okay, then why not just see both of us?”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? Don’t you two hate each other?”

“I’m sure we’ll be able to set aside our differences if it means you being happy.” Zach grins. “That’s all I care about.”

“But, won’t he be pissed off?”

“You can just blame me for everything. I don’t mind being the scapegoat. As you said, he hates me as is, so what’s a little more?” He glances over his shoulder into the living room, Cooper lying underneath the coffee table.

They sit together on his couch, knees brushing against one another. It’s an odd feeling, they haven’t been alone like this since high school, a sense of nostalgia slipping into the mood, like a barely audible whisper. Zach toys with his long hair, running his hand over and over through it, a giddy smile on the edge of his lips. The clock ticking rings in their ears. Rose tints Raleigh’s cheeks, a single bashful glance all it takes for Zach to break into a full smile.

“You doing okay?” His hand inches closer to him, tentative.

He breaks into a grin himself. “Yeah, I’m, uh, doing fine.”

“You sure about that?” His voice lowers to a silky drawl. There’s a spark in Zach’s eyes, a flickering flame begging to be fed, his curiosity obvious. Raleigh trails a hand over, slipping his fingers through Zach’s, the simple intimacy of the gesture making him turn a brighter hue of pink. The warmth and weight of his hand is comforting, grounding him. He eases closer to Zach’s side of the couch, until they’re side by side. He stares into his face, pure, unadulterated love painting his features.  
Zach cups Raleigh’s cheek, brushing his hair behind his ear and ever so delicately kissing him. It leaves Raleigh wanting more, pressing into him as he tries to break it. Zach obliges, giving him what he desires. They make out slowly, taking their time. Raleigh is used to heavier, faster-moving make out sessions with Carter, but the speed at which Zach nudges them along is almost a turtle’s pace. Every kiss is long-lasting. They rest their foreheads together, laughing at how carried away they’re getting. “How about now?” Zach chuckles.

“A lot better, actually.” “Oh, yeah?” His lips trail from Raleigh’s to his ear. “Want to feel even better?”

Raleigh’s reply is a near breathless “yes.” Zach’s hands wind up anchored on his waist. His grip is tight, grabbing his best friend with eagerness. His lips practically tiptoe down Raleigh’s neck, leaving hickies with reckless abandon. He pulls him into his lap, the heat between them only rising.

Raleigh’s weak, head swimming with images of their bodies entangled, breath mingling, waking up together under the crushed light of dawn. He wants it, wants him. It’s all that matters in this moment, this night. His own hands get lost in Zach’s hair as he goes lower, unbuttoning Raleigh’s shirt, tossing it onto the floor. He leans back to strip his own shirt off, surveying his work with heavy eyes. “You look so good like that.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, of course.” He bites his lower lip, his thumbs toying with the waistband of Raleigh’s jeans. “Fucking perfect, actually.”

He glances down to the hands on him, then back into Zach’s eyes. “Should I.. take them off?”

“We don’t have to go that far.” He snorts. “Unless you want to.” His eyes trail down his frame, pausing at the barely exposed skin just underneath waistline. “I’m gonna be honest, I’d love it if you’d let me, but it’s all you, Raleigh.” His grin is light and easy. “We can always wait and just make out some more.”

“But, I..” Raleigh wets his lips, forcing his words out, fingers fumbling with his pants’ button and zipper. “I really want it.”

“You sure? I don’t want you feeling like you have to.”

He slips his eyes shut, growing testy. “Zach - I want you to fuck me, okay?”

“Oh, jeez. We’re just out here sounding like we’re in a porno now?”

“What?”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s hot, but-”

Raleigh swoops in to plant an impatient kiss onto Zach’s lips. “You plan on talking the whole time?”

He rolls his eyes. “Okay, sorry. Time’s a wastin’, yeah? First, let’s get these pesky clothes off.”

They pause to change location, fully strip, and add the finishing touches of prep with the lube from his nightstand. Raleigh gets back into his comfortable spot on top of Zach, who grinds his hips up into him. The covers are all shoved to one side to make room. He bites onto his finger at the hard heat underneath him, heart quiver with anticipation. He presses back down into Zach, truly unsure of whether he’ll fit. He only caught a brief glance while they were stripping, but from what he can tell.. “Do you.. think it’ll fit?”

“I’ll go really slow, okay? Don’t worry.”

Raleigh swallows, easing Zach into him. He takes it extremely slow, letting him ride at his own pace. It’s uncomfortable at first, but after a few minutes, Raleigh is ready to bite the bullet.  
Zach coaxes little breathy moans out of him, watching him unwind and unfold before him, like a flower in bloom. His voice stirs him out of his rhythm. “Zach?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Could you go a little bit faster?”

His brow cocks. “You sure you want me taking the reigns here?”

"Yes?"

“Alright.” They switch positions, Raleigh on his back. Zach leans over him for a kiss, hair falling over his shoulder. “Just let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

With this new angle comes new sensations, a feeling of being full that Raleigh isn’t familiar with. Zach picks up the pace as asked, peppering his neck with sensual kisses. Every moan just spurs him on to go harder and faster, fucking Raleigh into the bed. He has a sense of accomplishment, able to give him a pleasure such as this. Their hands are intertwined, Zach holding Raleigh’s down over his head.  
He stares up at him with his gentle green eyes, lost in a cloud. “You’re so deep..”

“You love it, right?” He would answer, but Zach thrusts in as deep as he can go, watching his face light up. “Oh shit, right?”

He manages a little laugh. “Shut up.” They go back and forth between painfully slow love making to making the bed rock, until their bodies are covered in a light sheen of sweat, the heavy scent of sex in the air. Zach ends with his head laid against Raleigh’s chest, both wiped out. “I love you, Zach.”

“I love you too.”

Raleigh listens to the quiet rhythm of Zach’s breath, as soothing as the crash of the waves on the beach. They fall asleep together that night as newfound lovers.


	6. Uncover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions are Had.

“Hey, Carter? Can I talk to you in your office?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” His hands are tucked into his pockets, strolling into his office with a confident gait. He leans on his desk, a smile on his face watching Raleigh sit down in front of him. “Oh, hold on, I’ll get the door.” As he goes to close it, Zach eases his way into the room, his visor slipped off. A smug grin flicks on like a light. 

“Good morning, Carter. Fancy seeing you here.”

“This is my office, Matthews.”

“Yeah, nice place, by the way.” He pushes past Carter, leaning against the wall. “Cool, uh, knick knacks?” 

“They’re trophies.” 

He waves a dismissive hand. “Yeah, yeah. Same thing.”

“So, what is this all about, Raleigh? I thought you wanted to talk to me?” Carter turns a wary glance to where he sits. 

“Well, I do, the thing is-”

“We fucked, Concord.” Zach states, monotone. 

Raleigh freezes to keep himself from having a heart attack. He steals a look to Carter’s oddly blank face. After a second, it twists into an angry snarl, brows tight. “Excuse me? What the fuck did you just say?” 

“We had sex, we banged, so on and so forth.” Zach makes a vague jacking off gesture.

“Raleigh? Is this true?” He lays a frantic gaze onto him. 

“I, uh, yeah.. It is.” He answers, small and timid. 

“What the fuck? I thought you liked me?” He speaks through gritted teeth. “I guess not enough though, huh?” 

“No, I do! That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

“About…?”

“Us three. I know you’re not the smartest tool in the shed, Concord, but c’mon.” Zach rolls his eyes, arms folded over his chest. 

“I, I really like both of you, a lot.” Raleigh takes in a sharp breath. “I mean, if you don’t want to, I understand. I’m sorry.” 

Carter places his hands on Raleigh’s shoulders, leaning down into him. His voice is weary, tired from the sudden rush of adrenaline. “No, it’s okay. I just react first and think later.” He pauses. “Don’t say shit, Matthews.”

“Didn’t plan on it, but now that you mention it-”

“Shut up. Anyways, as I was saying, I’m not going to let this get in the way of things, okay?” He sighs, deep and irritated. “Everything’s going to be fine, just the two of us.” 

“You know he has two hands, right?” Zach questions. “You remember that thing we learned in kindergarten called Sharing?” 

“As if I’d share him with you of all people.” He hisses back. 

“Carter, please. I’m not asking for much.” Tears stain his words. 

“Can you stop being a selfish prick for more than two minutes?” Zach steps forwards, hands balled into fists. “Look, you made him fucking cry!”

“No, I’m sorry! Please, don’t cry, I’m sorry.” Carter runs his hands down to hold Raleigh’s, trying to soothe him.

“Why can’t you let me have this one thing?” 

“Raleigh, I know how this is going to turn out, trust me.”

“You still think I was at fault, huh?” Zach shakes his head, snorting out a laugh. “I’m in disbelief. You’re still this much of an asshole?” 

“Can you be quiet for more than five seconds? I’m trying to talk to Raleigh.”

A bitter grin is on his lips. “You’re just trying to convince him not to date me, right?”

Raleigh is personally affronted. “Can we not talk about me like I’m not here?”

Carter ignores him, taking a step towards Zach. “Now you’re just putting words in my mouth.”

“Oh, really? What are we, twelve?” His hands are on his hips.

Carter sighs. “Now, listen, I personally think this is all just a misunderstanding-” He shoots a pointed look to Zach. “-that one of us needs to let go of.”

“Misunderstanding? Don’t fucking give me that shit.” He sneers, getting in Carter’s face. “Still think you didn’t do anything wrong, huh?”

“I fucking tried, okay?”

Zach narrows his eyes, looking him up and down with disgust. “Did you really?” He lets out a noise of irritation, locking his eyes with Carter. “I don’t want to get into a screaming match right now. I’ll see if I can pencil it in later, though.”

“We have to talk about all of this some time, don’t you think?” 

Raleigh breaks his silence. “Whatever it is, you guys can talk about it in front of me.” 

They both groan. “Fine, we can go somewhere later. I’ll pick you both up?”

Carter snorts. “And what? Fit both of us in the back of that little shitty beetle?”

“Hey! I don’t insult your gaudy sports car, do I?” 

“I distinctly remember you doing exactly that, actually.” 

“Okay, well, be ready for me to swing by after work, alright? If you’re not down in five minutes, I’ll just conveniently ‘forget’ to pick you up, Concord.” 

“Fine, I’ll be ready.” 

“You okay with this, Raleigh?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He folds his legs, pretending to write in an imaginary notebook. “I can be the designated mediator.” Raleigh clears his throat. “Now, Zach, tell me, how does that make you feel?”  
“Wow, you’re perfect.” He sarcastically claps. “What an oscar worthy performance.”

Raleigh mock bows in his seat. “Thank you, thank you - I try.” He eases out of his seat, stretching his arms high above his head, staring at the ceiling. “So, we’re going to regroup later, yeah?”

“Yep!” Carter barely nods, his jaw clenched. “Don’t look so sour, Prince Charming. This is going to be your moment to finally apologize.”

“I have nothing-”

Zach pats his shoulder condescendingly. “Keep telling yourself that. Anyways, not to walk out on you like you did me, but I have a job to get back to.” He slips his visor on, firing a singular finger gun off at Raleigh as he closes the door behind him. 

The moment Zach is out of the room, Carter pipes up. “So, am I not as good as Zach, or something? Like what the fuck?”

“What are you on about?”

“I mean, it’s obvious you like him better than me, right?” 

Raleigh places a hand to his forehead, leveling a tired gaze onto Carter. “Why are you so jealous?” 

He sputters. “Excuse me? I’m not-”

“You are. Why else would you ask me that?” 

“I’m just saying, you slept together, right?”

“Yeah, and?”

“...But we couldn’t?”

“I’m sorry, what?” He pushes himself out of his seat, staring down Carter’s six foot six form. “Did you really just fucking say that?”

“What?”

“Oh my god!” He drags his hands down his face. “So you feel like you’re entitled to me, huh? Is that it?” 

Carter flushes, looking down at his feet. “No, I, uh, I don’t! I just…” 

“Listen, it just happened, okay? It’s not like I planned on sleeping with him.” 

Carter says nothing, a stunned look on his face. 

“God, just, if you’re going to be like this, just fuck off?” He slams the door behind him with a huff. He turns to face the rest of the office watching him like an expectant audience. “Uh?” 

“Raleigh, sweetie.” Karen whispers. “Is everything okay?”

“What do you mean…?” 

“Oh, well, you know-”

“How much did you hear?”

“Honestly? Everything.” 

He groans. “Oh, fuck my life.” 

He hears the door open behind him. “Hey, Raleigh? Listen, I just want to-” 

“What did I just say, Carter?” He doesn’t spare a glance over his shoulder. “Don’t even bother trying to apologize, it isn’t going to work.” 

“Please? I’m sorry, I really am.” Carter glances to the rest of the office, face pink. At the realization they’re being watched, he lowers his voice. “Can’t you just come back into my office so we can talk about this?”

“No. We - as in the three of us - can talk about it later. So you’d better be ready, Concord. Anyways, I’m leaving early. Bye.” He grabs his bag and jacket, walking off to the elevator. 

Downstairs, he sits in the cafe to cool down from the altercation, face in his hands. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? How’d it go?” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now, Zach.” 

He sits down across from Raleigh, letting out a long sigh. “So, it was like that, huh? Listen, do you really want to go through with this? I mean, seeing both of us was just a suggestion.”

“I don’t know right now. I mean, I just told him to fuck off.” Raleigh looks into Zach’s worrying face. “I’ll be fine, he deserved it.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m not questioning that.” He shrugs. “He always gets what’s coming to him and yet acts like it’s such a surprise when it happens.” 

“I forgot, you know him better than I do.” Raleigh glances out the window, fingers restless. “How about we go out right now?” 

“And leave Casanova behind?” 

“Maybe.”

“I like the way you think.”

They settle into the little green car in the parking garage, Zach driving around with no real destination in mind. The street lights add a soft yellow glow to the city, a catchy pop tune blaring from the radio. They both lip sync the entire song, getting hyped up for their little two-hour vacation. As they leave the inner city, Zach decides it’s time to go the perfect place he he had in mind and what’s more perfect than the beach at night? He parks the car, getting out and taking his shoes off. Raleigh follows suit, squishing his feet in the sand.

“Do you remember how we’d go to the beach all the time?” 

“How could I forget? I always had to drag you into the water with me.” Zach quips.

He takes in a deep breath of salty air. “It really takes me back, y’know?” He snickers. “Hurry up, or else I’ll leave you behind!” Raleigh runs down the sand, like a child seeing the ocean for the first time. They walk along the edge of the beach, Zach trailing behind him. Raleigh zig zags as the tide comes in and out, arms up, fingers catching the breeze off the sea. He teeters on his irregular path, eyes closed, smiling, bright and easy. Turning to glance at Zach, the wind picks up, throwing his hair around. Zach’s face glows, catching that spectacular moment of seeing Raleigh be free for the first time in years. He prances around like a ballet dancer, pretending to fly. If only he concentrated hard enough, he could turn into a bird and fly wherever he wanted. All his problems could be solved if he could leave without any complications, fall outs, goodbyes; everything would be simple. 

Raleigh slips off his sweater, letting it drop behind him. He wants the air on his skin, to feel the cool summer night, he is celestial in this moment. Zach shakes out sand from it, tucking it over his arm. He would join him, but he prefers to observe from afar. Raleigh is most in his element when he is alone; a solo act. The city lights glow behind them, a rainbow of colors popping amidst the black silhouette of the city. To their other side, the moon hangs low in the sky, the stars quietly shining like little night lights. Raleigh runs out of energy, falling to his knees, the tide licking at his bare feet. Zach catches up to him at long last, standing beside him. 

“You having fun over here?” 

He does not answer, face turned to the sky. The lights reflect in the green of his eyes like concentrated stardust, it's so beautiful. How did he not realize it before? Too busy trying to get by, he supposes. Raleigh lays back on the damp sand, looking at Zach from his upside down view. “Yeah, totally.” 

Zach plops down beside him, stretching out his bare feet in the sand. “So, you ready to talk about this?”

He sighs. “I guess we have to, huh?”

“I mean, we could always just make out if you want?” Raleigh playfully smacks Zach’s thigh. “Okay, I guess that can wait.” 

He sits, Zach wrapping a loose arm around his shoulders. “Listen, we can just forget about Carter if you want? He’s a lost cause, in my opinion.” 

“You really think so? Shouldn’t I give him a chance at least?”

“Absolutely not.” He rolls his eyes. “We all make mistakes we regret - like, for instance, letting Carter look in my general direction.” 

“You don’t mean that, right?”

“I sure fucking do. That guy had me fucked up for months, trust me.” He tightens his grip on Raleigh. “I just don’t want to see the same thing happen to you, okay?” 

“No, I know.” His cheeks turn rosy. “I guess I just give in to people too easily, huh?”

“A little bit, yeah.” Zach chuckles. “Listen, whatever happens, I said I’d be here, didn’t I?” 

“You mean you remember that shit you said from high school?”

“Of course I do, I did mean it after all.” He shrugs. “Look at where we are right now, for instance. Together like we were back then.” 

Raleigh presses up against Zach, scooting closer. “I will admit this is pretty, uh, nice.” 

“You can snuggle up to me, you know, get as comfy as you like. I’m no real stranger to cuddling.” He opens his arms, Raleigh resting his head against Zach’s shoulder. Zach’s hand reaches up to rest against his curly hair, a comforting weight on him. He grins, light and easy. The moonlight caresses their faces in the dark, the city’s lights glowing like distant stars behind them.

Raleigh cocks his head to look at Zach, his eyes focused on the night sky. He flicks his warm brown eyes down, a smirk on his lips. “You doin’ okay down there?” 

“I’m just perfect.” Raleigh clutches at Zach’s dress shirt, wetting his lips. 

“Oh, is that so?” He leans down to kiss him, fingers running over Raleigh’s jawline. They press into each other, Raleigh tugging Zach closer into him. The taste of his lips is heavenly. Neither of them want to be let out of this kiss, to simply sit on the beach and make out like they’re back in high school, with nothing to worry about but the next time they’ll see each other. But, unfortunately, they have other matters to attend to. “So, what should we tell Carter tomorrow? We kind of ditched him.”

“You let me deal with it, alright? I’ll make up some elaborate lie, like my car wouldn’t start or something.” 

“You sure?”  
“Let’s not let him ruin this night, okay?” His arm slips down around Raleigh’s waist, fingers soft on his exposed skin. “We came out to enjoy ourselves, right?”

“I mean, we did come out to talk about us? Shouldn’t we-” 

“Shh, shh. Don’t spoil the moment.” Zach raises a finger to his lips, grinning. “Do you hear that?”

“No?” 

“Exactly, beautiful silence. No beefy assholes in sight.” He leans back, letting out a content breath. He mutters to himself. “Besides, I really don’t plan on sitting by and letting another guy take you this time.”

“Did you say something?”

“Just talking to myself, don’t you worry.” As they settle back into quiet intimacy, an impish gleam is in Zach’s eyes. He doesn’t want this feeling to end after tonight and god help Carter if he thinks he’ll be able to get in the way of it. His true feelings have been uncovered under the moonlight, realized by no one but himself.


	7. Egoist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Carter/Zach lore finally

Zach stares at the dull beige ceiling, contemplating the things that have brought him here. It’s late, but he can’t fall asleep with Carter running a marathon through his mind. He asks himself questions he will never get answers to, little things he blames himself for. That’s just what he does, making you think you’re the one at fault, deflecting all possible blame. 

He grits his teeth, glancing down at Raleigh’s prone form curled up beside him. His hair is splayed out, wild bed head curls framing his face. Zach can’t help but grin, brushing locks of hair out of Raleigh’s face. He rests his hand on his forehead, trying to focus on him rather than the residual anger bubbling up inside his chest. 

Carter always gets to him, even when he isn’t there to say something stupidly selfish. Watching Carter’s peacock display with Raleigh reminds him of how it was before, like deja vu. He returns his eyes to the ceiling, getting lost in memory yet again. 

It had been a year ago, only working in the building for a few months. The pace was slower than with Raleigh, Carter must not have perfected his spiel until now. Most of his interactions with Carter had been interested glances that he would catch like a cougar on the prowl, but in the end, not saying anything. He always had a smug grin on his face while ordering, knowing he must have caught Zach’s eye. Eventually, he actually bothered to speak. 

“You’ve been working here for a while, right?” Carter’s simple question has him caught off guard. He doesn’t bother letting him answer, both of them knowing exactly how long it’s been. He leans in over the counter, voice soft. “You know, there’s been this guy I’ve wanted to take out lately, but I don’t know if he’d be interested.” 

Carter always had a way of making you say it first, to agree with the idea he was proposing. Zach only realized this too late. “Why don’t you just ask him, man?” He’s busy washing off utensils, glancing down into the sink to keep the blush on his face from showing. 

“Well, if you say so.” Carter shrugs, staring him down from his spot at the front. “Would you like to go out with me sometime? How does tomorrow evening sound?” 

Zach, who hadn’t had a date in quite some time besides a number of bad first dates, quickly agrees. They settle for seven o’clock at a fancy restaurant and it goes as well as you think it might, Carter cranking the flirtation and charm to an eleven. Zach goes home with hearts in his eyes, musing that he might be the one. At this point, Raleigh is a mere flicker in the back of his head, a regret he thinks of from time to time. 

They develop a habit; Carter coming around the department and Zach getting lost in his eyes like he’s gazing at the horizon. He leans an elbow against the counter and simply flashes his movie star smile, leaving Zach weak in the knees. He nearly loses his grip on the drink he’s making, Carter chuckling every time. 

That is, until Carter catches him on break one day, orbiting the table he’s eating lunch at. His hands are tucked into his slacks pockets, appraising Zach, as if waiting for an invitation. He swallows the bite of his food. “You can sit down, y’know?”

Carter nods, slipping into the seat across from Zach, his hands folded in front of him. “Having a good day, I hope?”

“Uh, yeah? Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was hoping to catch you at a good time.” He beams at him. “Would you perhaps... like to come over?”

Zach knows this song and dance, the gleam in Carter’s eyes tells him exactly that, but he knows he’d regret it if he said no. He tells himself it’ll just be some making out and heavy petting and that’ll be it. 

The clock strikes their usual eight o’clock and Zach is at his door, dressed as nice as possible. Carter answers, his dress shirt open, baring his built chest, arms folded. The heat is rising, the outside air clinging to his skin. “Why don’t you come in? Slip into something a little comfier?”

“If you mean what I think you mean, it isn’t happening.” 

“Oh, I didn’t mean anything like, well, that.” He grins, leaning against the doorframe. “It’d be nice, though, I admit.” 

Zach smiles back with as much intensity. “Ha, like I said, not happening.” 

“Can’t blame a guy for trying, I guess.” 

Zach steps in past Carter, taking in the fancy, almost sterile apartment. He settles for the loveseat, the only single seat in the living room. Carter sits on the couch, legs spread, arms laid over the back. “So, what did you invite me over here for, anyway?”

“I just wanted to see you.” 

“Uh-huh. I believe that.” 

“Why don’t you take a seat over here?” He pats the empty space beside him. 

Zach narrows his eyes, suspicious. “I thought I already told you I’m not going to sleep with you, Carter.” 

“I’m not suggesting anything like that, I just want to spend some time with you is all.” He pouts a little bit with puppy dog eyes thrown in. “Please?”

Zach groans, in the end weak to his display. “Fine.” He sits down next to Carter, on high alert. Red flags are telling him he shouldn’t be doing this, but a part of him wants to see how far he can push it. Carter hooks an arm around his shoulders, letting out a content sigh. 

“Why don’t you loosen up a little bit?” He rolls his eyes amusedly. “It’s just us, there’s nothing to worry about, right?”

“I’m just having second thoughts, I think.” 

“About?”

Zach’s eyes make an arc around the room. “This. I don’t think I should be here.” 

“Nonsense, there’s nothing wrong with two friends hanging out.” 

“Oh… that’s what we’re doing? Hanging out?”

“I mean, yeah?” His voice turns velvety. “Unless you wanted something else to happen?” Zach ponders what he’s so scared, so hesitant of; it’s just Carter. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to kiss him at least once. He gulps, allowing himself to move a little closer. Carter practically purrs. “See? Everything’s fine.” He catches Zach staring, his lips pursed. “See something you like?”

He whispers. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.”

Zach’s caught by the sunset in Carter’s eyes, dreamy and romantic. Carter pulls him in close, their fateful kiss sugary and sweet. Raleigh’s tired voice sucks him out of the memory, feeling him roll over onto his side. “Hey, Zach?” 

He steals a glance at Raleigh’s sleepy face, curls splayed over his forehead, looking up at Zach from his spot, covers tugged around him. The moonlight washing over his face in such a way that Zach’s heart skips a beat. “Yeah, babe?”

“Why are you still up? I’m lonely over here by myself.” He pouts. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just in one of my moods; thinking about stupid stuff, like usual.” Zach reaches to brush the hair out of Raleigh’s face, fingers trailing down his face, gaze full of love. “Don’t worry about it, though. Just go back to sleep, alright?” 

Raleigh shifts, leaning on his elbow. “Well, I’m going to worry anyway.” His stare is unbreaking. “What, is it about Carter?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” 

“Okay, we don’t have to talk about it. I just-” His eyes drop, hand cradling Zach’s. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, okay? Just let me brood for a little bit.”

“In the meantime, could you hold me while you do that?”

“Sure thing.” Zach rolls over, Raleigh tugging his arm around him, clinging to it like a cat to a ball of yarn. Raleigh cuddles up to him, Zach pressing little kisses into his shoulder. “Now can you please go to sleep? We can talk about it in the morning.” 

“Okay.” He answers. “I’m going to hold you to that, I hope you realize.”

Zach chuckles. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He rests his head down besides Raleigh, hoping to get at least some rest before tomorrow dawns on them.


	8. Singing in the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh coaxes the soft side out of Zach.

Raleigh sits on his squishy couch, a mug of coffee in his hand, his other keeping his head up off the arm rest. Zach steps into the room, buttoning up his plaid shirt, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” 

“It’s five o’clock.” He groggily replies. 

“I know. You sleep at all, though?”

“Like a baby.”

Zach’s face twists. “I’m gonna be honest, you look exhausted.” Zach plops himself beside Raleigh, resting a hand on his thigh. “But, you’re not too tired, right?”

“For you? Never.” Raleigh takes a slow sip. “What’d you have in mind? Let me guess, a road trip across the country?”

“Close, actually.” He chuckles. “It’s a surprise, you can’t really know what it is until we get there, okay?” 

“So we’re going somewhere after all?” 

“A solid maybe, just get dressed and I’ll meet you in the car, okay?” 

Once he pulls clothes on, and settles into the passenger seat, Zach ties a silk blindfold over his eyes. “Is this- is this necessary?”

“It’s protocol, I have to keep it a secret until we’re actually there.” He grins. “Besides, I don’t trust you to keep your eyes closed.” 

“Oh, please, as if I would-”

“Raleigh.”

He lets out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, you’re right.”

The drive goes on for about an hour longer than Raleigh anticipated, his head leaning against Zach’s shoulder the whole ride, the radio quietly playing. “Are we there yet?”

“Almost. Just a bit farther.” The sound of tires on a dirt road fills Raleigh’s ears as Zach drives further into the woods, parking. “This is your captain speaking and we have indeed reached harbor.” 

“So I can take this off me, right?”

“Oh, yeah. I kind of forgot you had it.” Raleigh slips it off, the light near blindingly bright. When his eyes adjust, all he sees are the green of evergreens and a quickly darkening purple sky.

“So, uh.. what’re we doing here?”

“You’ll see.” Zach grins wide, stepping out of the car and collecting the items from the trunk. Raleigh squints, getting out as well. He looks back, one hand on the car roof. In his arms, Zach carries a big plaid blanket, a wicker picnic basket, and an electric lantern. 

“A night picnic?”

“Yeah, is there a problem?” He walks past the car and along the rest of the rough trail, pausing to look back at Raleigh. “Coming?” 

He raps his fingers on the car, taking a moment before he catches up. They walk side by side, in their own personal bubble, Raleigh keeping very close to him, the trees blocking out the sun as it dips below the skyline. The evening air is warm, crickets and birds chirping around them. The duo reach a large clearing, wildflowers covering it with bright pops of color. Zach lays the blanket down in the middle, opening up the basket. Raleigh flicks on the lantern, a solitary light in the dark of the forest. “Aren’t you, I don’t know, worried about nocturnal animals?” 

“Oh, we’ll be fine.” Zach throws a wave over his shoulder, taking out what he brought; a big thermos and a plastic package of fresh strawberries. He sits down, placing both beside him, patting his lap. His eyes are glued to Raleigh as he gets himself comfortable.

“So, what are we doing out here? It can’t just be to eat strawberries in a clearing, right?” 

“I thought we could enjoy the view, the sky out is here so beautiful. Even more so than in the city.”

“No shit?”

“No shit.” He wraps his arms around Raleigh, kissing him on the temple. Raleigh’s too busy munching on a strawberry to kiss him back, simply holding one beside his head for Zach to take. Raleigh studies the sky, eyes wandering over each and every star that pops into existence. Zach is right, they are much brighter out here. He unscrews the thermos, taking a big sip, and his face squeezes from the taste. He was not expecting, of all things, alcohol. Some kind of strawberry vodka, to go with the food? An interesting surprise, to say the least. Zach snickers from behind him at his expression. “So, you enjoying that so far?”

Raleigh takes one more sip. “Maybe I am.”

“Well, don’t hog it all, okay? I was the one who bought it, after all.” 

The rest of the evening follows this routine of sharing the thermos, enjoying the weather and the night sky. They end up spread out on the blanket, fireflies ascending to the air, little twinkling lights all throughout the forest. Raleigh sits, pushing his hair off his face. The moment is magical, a warm glow lighting up the vast dark. It’s like one of those summer nights they sing songs about, where everything is perfect and there’s nothing that matters besides living in the moment. He goes back to lying down, facing Zach, who’s propped up on an elbow, quietly satisfied. Raleigh scooches closer, craving intimacy. 

His fingers search for Zach’s in the dark, face blushing from the sweet alcohol. Zach swoops in, planting a kiss on Raleigh’s lips, the taste of vodka sitting on his tongue. “You okay over there? You seem kind of spacey.”

“I’m good, it’s just kind of unreal, y’know? That we’re dating.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

He swallows. “I mean.. I guess I never thought I’d see you again? I did leave in a rush, after all.”

“I think what really matters is that we’re finally here.” He slides his hands over Raleigh’s. “What happened happened, there’s no reason to worry about it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Raleigh rolls over onto his back, turning his gaze to the moon. After a beat, Zach breaks the silence.

“So, we’re dating, huh?”

“Huh?”

“You said we’re dating.” Zach has a shit-eating grin on. 

“Yeah and what about it?” His voice wavers.

“Nothing, it’s cute.” He laughs. “Just like you.” They kiss again, humid and sugary like the summer air. 

As they settle back into relaxation, heavy clouds sweep over the bright sky. The gentle patter of rain on leaves ease into their ears, building to steady pouring. Zach snatches up the remaining strawberries and thermos, shielding Raleigh from the rain with his body. “C’mon, we gotta go.” 

Raleigh gives him a firm nod, collecting the blanket in his arms. They make a mad dash for the car, the lantern barely lights their way, getting to the car in the nick of time. Zach shoves everything into the trunk, the rain drenching him. They get in the backseat, deciding to wait out the downpour. The smell of alcohol on their breath and warm rain fills the car. Raleigh shivers, clothes and hair sticking to his body. Zach unbuttons his shirt, slipping it off altogether, hanging it over the back of the front seat. Zach isn’t as rawly built as Carter, but he is toned, a sheen of water on his olive skin. Raleigh openly gazes, a hunger gnawing at his insides. Zach stares into his face, eyes alight in the shade of the car interior. “Something wrong?”

He moves closer. He’s too flustered to speak, gazing longingly into his eyes, love blooming. Zach grips his chin, leaning in to kiss him as gently as the man himself, the rain drumming against the car roof. His free hand nudges Raleigh to lie down on the comfy leather seat. Raleigh’s fingers interlock around Zach’s neck, holding onto him like a security blanket. Their kissing turns hot, the car a sauna. The passion slowly fades, little droplets falling onto Raleigh’s face. He stares up at Zach, tears running down his face. “Zach?”

“I’m sorry!” He rubs at his eyes, voice taught with emotion. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Just - just give me a minute.” 

“No, no, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Raleigh holds his face in his hands, pulling him in close, his head in the crook of his neck.

“Fuck - I’m really sorry, I - I ruined the moment, huh?” 

“You didn’t ruin anything, Zach.” He whispers. “Just tell me what’s wrong, okay?”

Zach continues to cry, his eyes turning red and puffy. “I don’t know why I’m still thinking about him, all the way out here, but I am.” 

“You mean Carter?”

“Yeah, that asshole.” He sits, sniffling. “I can’t help but blame myself for it still.”

“Zach, don’t say that…” 

“Am I not right? Maybe if I did something differently, it wouldn’t have ended so shitty?” 

“Zach-”

“Raleigh.” He wets his lips, staring into Raleigh’s eyes, more tears welling up. “I really thought he liked me. But, he just decided it was over, that he had his fun. How am I supposed to fucking deal with that?”

“I- I don’t know.” Raleigh fumbles his response. 

“I’ve been by myself for so long, I thought ‘hey, maybe this is the one.’” He grits his teeth. “I was so fucking wrong.” 

Raleigh slips his fingers through Zach’s, squeezing his hand. “Can I do anything?” 

“Just hold me for a while, please.” Zach pulls him into a tight embrace, the smell of his damp hair all around him. He shudders out a heartfelt confession. “You make me not wanna die.” 

Raleigh holds onto him a little tighter, a hardness in his jaw. “I’m not going to leave you ever again, okay? This is it, this is the endgame, it’s all we’ve ever wanted since high school, right?”

“Right.” 

He pulls back, taking a moment to look into Zach’s weary eyes. “I love you.” 

“I - I love you too.” 

A giddiness comes over them, oozing into their veins. They giggle like little kids, whispering that simple phrase to themselves like it’s all that matters. In that moment, they could very well step outside and sing in the pouring rain. 

They wait for the shower to end, driving home with their hands intertwined together. At this point, nothing can separate them.


	9. Chaotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raleigh is Tired.

Raleigh ascends the stairs to his apartment after Zach drops him off, his shirt half-buttoned. A familiar blonde stands in front of his door, the zebra-patterned sunglasses and low-cut tank very telling of who it is. The overhead light shines on his face in the dark. “Carter, what are you doing here?” 

“Huh - Oh! Raleigh!” He goes in for a hug, but stops mid-motion. “Uh, I’ve been knocking for fifteen minutes now, I guess I didn’t expect you not to be home.” 

“Well, I’m here now.” He folds his arms, eyes flicking over the rest of his outfit; the tight sweatpants featuring blatant dick print and the oddly cheap flip flops. He tries to keep his eyes on Carter’s face, which has a thin sheen of sweat. “What do you want?”

“Oh, y’know, just wanted to say hi. I haven’t seen you in a couple days so I wanted to check up on you.”

“That’s it?” 

“Yeah, that’s it…” 

Raleigh huffs. “Didn’t I just tell you to fuck off last week?” 

He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought you’d of forgotten about that by now.” 

“Well, I didn’t.” He shifts his weight, head cocked. “You plan on apologizing for that any time soon?”

“That’s what I came over here for, actually.” Carter stares down at his feet. “Uh, do you think we could talk inside?”

“What? So you can try and get in my pants?” 

“No, no, no - of course not. I just wanna talk.”  
Raleigh unlocks his door with a roll of his eyes. “Fine. You can come in.” Carter follows behind him, Cooper winding around their feet. He picks the cat up in his beefy arms, Cooper purring all the while. He rubs his face into his fur. “He’s kind of an attention whore.” Raleigh pauses. “Kind of like you.”

“Hey, I’m not-” 

“I don’t think you’re in the position to argue right now.” He fires a brief glare at him. Raleigh sits down on the chair across the room, letting Carter have free reign of the couch with Cooper on his chest. “So, get on with the apology.” 

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about you, admittedly.” 

“Uh huh?”

“And it was pretty shitty of me to go off like that, I know, I just - I like you a lot, okay? I’m sorry that I fucked things up.” 

Raleigh narrows his eyes. “So you still think being entitled to sleeping with me is okay?”

“No, I don’t! I-” He closes his eyes, annunciating each word like a well-practiced speech. “I guess I wanted to think that I was more important than him. But, I can see I’m not. So, if you want to break things off, I understand.” 

“When did I ever say anything like that?” He asks, cutting down his statement.

“I, I don’t know? I don’t remember-” 

“Carter, just be honest with me. What’s the big deal?” 

“I…” He looks over to Raleigh, a frown on his face. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Anything?” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t talk about myself a lot, so it’s kinda… hard for me.”

Raleigh folds his legs. “Take your time, I’ve got all day.” 

Carter swallows, rubbing his clammy palms together. “Listen, I’m sorry for before, I know I should’ve said yes, but I didn’t, and now we’re here.” He curses at himself. “It’s my fault like usual.”

“Carter, I’ve been over it. You don’t need to apologize for how you feel, you know.” 

“I don’t?”

“No?”

He grins, awkward yet hopeful. “Oh, okay. That’s a relief.” 

“So, anyway, go on.”

“Like I said, I’ve been thinking about you a lot, I don’t know why. I was at the gym and you kept popping into my head, so I thought I’d just stop by to see if you were home.” He waits for Raleigh to comment, to take the weight off him, but nothing comes. “Ever since I met you, I felt something, but I chose to ignore it. I wasn’t sure about my own feelings - until now, anyway.” Cooper hops off him and he sits, wringing his hands. “I’ve been really nervous and jealous and… maybe a little bit possessive, I admit. I just really want you.” 

“I’m not an object, Carter.” He states.

“No, I’m not saying it like that! I mean, I really want to make you happy. I’ve focused so much on myself, my life is kind of empty.” His face burns up, surveying the rest of Raleigh’s apartment. “I just want someone to come home to - to love.”

“But Zach wasn’t that person?”

“Listen, I, I made a lot of mistakes, okay? That being one of them. I messed up with him and I wasn’t as present as I should’ve been and I’m sorry for that.”

“You should apologize to him, not me.” 

“I plan on it. One day, I will. I want to put all this behind us, okay?” He grinds his teeth before spitting his words out. “If you want to see us both, you can. I’ve been thinking that over, too. If Zach can do it, I sure as hell can.” 

“You really mean that?”

“Fuck yeah. I really want to do this for you, I want to be the best boyfriend I can be.” He actually stands up, vibrating with energy. “I’m going to try my best, okay?” 

Raleigh holds his hands out. “Okay, let’s just take things one step at a time, alright?” 

“Right, right.. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.” He comes back with a hesitant question. “Does dinner sound okay?” 

“Sure, it sounds perfect, actually.” 

“We could go tomorrow, if you want?” 

“The usual eight o’clock?”

“Maybe.”

They sit on either side of the room, silent now that their conversation has died. Raleigh makes the first move to relocate to the couch, Carter eyeing him all the while. “I can leave, if you want?”  
“No, it’s okay.” He grins, tucking his hair behind his ear. “We can hang out a little while longer.”

“What’d you have in mind?”

Raleigh eyes Carter with that same hunger from earlier, watching his mouth. “Oh, just… something.” 

Carter leans in close and Raleigh can smell lingering undertones of sweat from him. “Oh, yeah?” Their lips grow closer still, but Raleigh stops short. “What’s wrong?”

“Actually, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“You’re probably right.” He grins. Cooper just so happens to knead at Carter’s leg, who lifts him up into his lap again. 

“So, do you want to tell Zach or should I?” 

“About what?” Carter is focused on rubbing Cooper’s belly. 

“The date?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“Carter, at least try and pay attention me.”

“I am.”

“You’re petting my cat.”

“I can multitask, which we both know.” He shoots Raleigh a knowing look. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, alright?” 

“Maybe I should, we both know how he gets with you.” 

“Oh, please, I think I can handle him.” 

Raleigh’s brows raise. “Suit yourself.” 

His phone lights up, a text from Zach. 

Hey, you forgot something, so I’ll be over in 20.

Raleigh eyes Carter from across the couch, back to his phone, and back to Carter. “So, uh, I guess we’ll be discussing it sooner than we both thought.” 

“Huh?”

“Zach’s coming over.” 

“Well, shit. Want me to leave before he gets here?”

“No, it’ll be okay.” 

“You sure about that?”

“Not really.” They sit in relative tense silence, avoiding each other’s glances until they hear a brisk knock on the door. Raleigh opens it, Zach standing in front of him, hands empty. “So, what did I forget?” 

“Oh, just me. I just wanted an excuse to come see you.” He leans up to kiss Raleigh’s cheek, rounding the corner to the living room. The moment he catches a single glimpse of Carter, his demeanor switches. “Who the fuck let you in here?”

“I just came over to talk to Raleigh, Matthews.” Carter is still petting Cooper. “And you now, apparently.” 

“Oh, so now you wanna talk? Where was this months ago, huh?” 

“Zach, just hear me out, okay?” 

“I don’t think so. What? Going to give me another bullshit apology?” 

“I really am sorry. I want to finally put this behind us, if we want to make this work, alright?” 

Zach only stares.

“Hello?” 

He speaks through gritted teeth. “No.” 

“No, what?” 

“I’m not letting you fuck with Raleigh like you did me.” 

Carter sets Cooper on the floor so he can stand, he’s easily a foot taller. “I’m sorry, weren’t you the one to suggest this?”

Raleigh butts in, forcing himself between them. “Yeah, so, if we could avoid another stupid argument, that’d be great. I do have neighbors to worry about.” He lets out a deep sigh. “Now, can you two stop bickering like you’re my recently divorced parents trying to fight for custody and wrap this up?” He tugs them both onto the couch, sitting between them. Zach has his arms folded, refusing to look at Carter. “Let me be frank, if you two don’t get over this, neither of you are going to be seeing me, alright?”

Zach whips his head to Raleigh, worry etched into his features. “You don’t mean that, right?” 

“I sure fucking do.” He looks at Carter out of the corner of his eye, who looks away. “I’m not going to be in the middle anymore, alright?”

“But-” 

“Can you at least try to be nice to each other? For me?”

Carter chimes in. “I’m fine with it. I’ll try.” 

“Zach?” 

He mumbles something.

“Sorry, what?”

“Fine. I’ll do it.” 

“Thank you.” He pats both their hands. “Now, get out of my apartment so I can sleep. It’s like two in the morning.” He stands, stretching his arms out with a yawn. “Zach, you know where the extra key is, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well, you can let yourselves out. I’m going to go crash.” Raleigh glances down into their faces, expressions uneasy and tense. “Listen, I’m sure you two won’t rip each other apart, yeah? And if you do, try not to get any blood on the carpet. Or at least do it outside.”

“Wow, what a shame if that happened.” Zach scoffs. “Listen, you don’t have to babysit us, go sleep, man.” 

As Raleigh tosses a wave over his shoulder, Carter chimes in with a chipper “Sleep well!”

Zach burns a hole into Carter’s face with his glare, Carter pretending not to notice. They sit in tense silence. 


	10. Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carter and Zach finally work through their issues.

Carter can barely believe he’s been left alone with Zach, stumbling over attempts to make conversation. He stares down at his hands, stealing a little glance at him every now and then. Zach has his arms folded, irritation painting his face. “So - uh - do you wanna” 

“No, I don’t.”

“You didn’t even let me finish, Matthews.”

“Listen, we’re outside of work, can you just drop it and say my name?” 

“Okay, I’m sorry Zach.” 

“Thank you.” His legs fidget a little bit too much, scratching at his jaw. “Listen, do you have an apology to give to me or what? I don’t have all night to sit here and wait, y’know.” 

“Right, right! But, shouldn’t we go somewhere else for that, you think?” 

Zach’s voice only gets louder. “Why the hell would we do that?”

“To not wake Raleigh up?” A little, hopeful grin twitches onto his lips. “Besides, I just want it to be between us.”

Zach rolls his eyes, “Fine, we can do whatever you want. Where’d you have in mind anyway?”

“My place, maybe? I know the drive is a bit longer than you’d probably like, but, it’d be nice, yeah?” 

“That’s debatable, but sure.” 

Zach is first to the door, Carter behind him as they leave and lock it behind them with the key under the flower pot. Zach has his thumbs tucked into his pockets, his expectant stare unwavering. “So, we going?” 

“Yeah, sorry.” Carter leads the way downstairs, being careful not to look at Zach for too long, not wanting to make his longing too blatant. The truth is, he’s missed him more than he’s let on, being angry and pushing his feelings down a lot easier than dealing with the tangled ball of emotions. The ride to his apartment is silent, Zach acting like he’s ready to jump out at a moment’s notice. They step back out into the humid night air, Zach rushing up the stairs. “Listen, you can sleep in the guest room if you want.” Zach only shrugs in reply.

The refreshing cool of his air conditioned apartment greets Carter, sinking into his couch. He pats the space next to him, Zach standing an arm’s length away. “Is everything okay?”

“I know what you’re doing, don’t think I don’t,” He states. 

“What are you talking about? I just want you to sit so we can get this over with.” He frowns. “Please?”

Zach sits at the opposite side with a huff. “Fine, get on with it, then.”

Carter grins to himself as he watches Zach, he always did look cute when he was irritated about something, admittedly it usually being him. The way his brows drop low as if deep in concentration, a pout set on his lips. Zach rolls his eyes. “Are you going to just stare at me all night?”

“I mean, I could, but I can save that for another time.” Carter’s fingers thrum against the leather of the couch, his heart in his throat. “So, um, let me start by saying I really am sorry for everything I’ve done.” He looks Zach in the eye, the hardness in them softening momentarily. “I didn’t mean to be so distant, being too busy with work was just an excuse, like you’ve told me over and over.” 

“See? I was right.” Zach straightens, jabbing a finger at him. “You could’ve made the time for me - for us! But, you just treated me like some toy.” 

“I admit I was stupid, I still am, but it doesn’t change my feelings for you.” 

Zach scoffs, “What feelings? As far as I remember you just wanted me for sex.” 

Carter sniffles, tears in his eyes. “I would never do that, you-”

“But you did? All you ever wanted was sex!” His voice wavers, angrily wiping away tears. “That’s all you ever cared about!”

“I, I just wanted to show you how much I loved you.”

“And how did that work out? Did I feel loved?” Silence. “That’s what I thought.” 

“Please, I, I don’t know how much I can apologize until you believe me.” Carter’s hand inches out to grab onto Zach’s like a drowning swimmer clutching onto a life preserver.

“Actions speak louder than words, you realize, right?” He scoffs. “If you love me so much, than fucking show it? Do something!” Gears turn in Carter’s head, unsure of his next move. “God, why are all the hot ones dense as a rock?” 

“You - You still think I’m hot?” 

“Obviously?” He stumbles out an afterthought, “In the most objective way possible, anyway.”

“Objective, sure.” Carter’s grin is smug.

Zach only gets more impatient. “Yeah? That’s what I said, what about it?” 

“You’re only mad because you still think I’m attractive, yeah?” Zach grumbles something quiet to himself. “Sorry, what was that?”

A light blush is on Zach’s cheeks, a deep grimace on his mouth. “I, I said, I want you to kiss me.” 

“Is that so?” Carter scoots closer, his one and only chance within reach. He tightens his grip on Zach’s hand, leaning over to gaze into his handsome face. Zach avoids it at first, but ends transfixed by the sun in his eyes, like he was so long ago.

“Just do it before I change my mind.” Their eyes slip closed, lips fumbling and awkward, Carter gripping Zach’s chin as they kiss. The heavy walls Zach has put up around his heart buckles, emotion crashing against it like a dam at full capacity. Tears well up in Zach’s eyes, grasping at Carter’s tank top, pulling him in for another kiss.

Carter’s arms wrap around him, fingers at the small of his back. Their breath mingles, both flushed messes, tears streaming down Zach’s face. 

Carter whispers, voice like honey. “It’s okay, baby, I’m right here.” He brushes hair out of Zach’s face, kissing the tears away. “I’m not going to leave you alone this time, alright?” 

Zach rests his forehead against Carter’s chest, sniffling. “If you do, you’re a dead man, Carter.” 

Carter only chuckles, shifting his eyes to the bedroom.

***  
Later that morning, soft light falls onto their sleeping faces, their bodies tangled up in each other. Carter’s phone blares from the nightstand, a cutesy chiptune beat. 

“Zach, can you get that for me?”

Zach rolls over, away from the phone, to shove a pillow over his head. “Wow, would you look at that, I’m suddenly too far away.” 

“You could’ve just said no.” Carter gropes for his phone, groggily answering. “Hello?” 

“Carter.” Raleigh’s stern voice oozes from the other end. “Where are you two?”

“Uh... somewhere.” 

“Neither of you are at work. So, where are you?” Carter checks the time, eight o’clock blaring at him in bright red. “You’d better answer me, I already tried calling Zach at least a dozen times.” 

“Shit, I’m sorry, we must’ve been passed out.”

“We?” 

“Uh, yeah…?” 

A minute long pause has Carter planning his funeral. “You mean you two slept together last night?” 

“I’m not at liberty to answer-”

“So, you did? What the hell, Carter?”

“I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

“I just thought you two hated each other?” 

“Oh, yeah, no, we kind of worked through that.” Carter shoots a glance to Zach, patting his side. “We need to go, right now-”

“Listen, I’ll be over in fifteen, okay?” 

Carter can only blink. “Pardon?”

“Oh, yeah-“ The phone shifts away from his ear “-Karen, I’m going on break, I’ll be back in an hour - so, you were saying?” 

“No-nothing, nothing at all.” His face flushes. “You’re really coming over?” 

“Yeah? How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

“I, uh, okay, got it.” 

Raleigh’s voice is sultry. “See you soon, Concord.” 

Carter lowers his phone, staring at Zach. “So, what’s up?”

He whispers. “Raleigh’s coming over.” 

“You fucking told him?” Zach gently shoves his shoulder. 

“I couldn’t lie, I’m sorry! I’m bad at it!” 

Zach runs a hand down his face. “God, this is gonna suck so much.” 

“I think we’re going to be fine, actually.” A smug little smile comes to life.

“You mean what I think you mean?”

“Perhaps.” 

“Okay, nevermind, this is going to really suck now.” He shoves the pillow over his face. 

“What’s wrong? Never been in a threesome before?”

“...No. As if you have?” Zach scoffs. 

“Well, I don’t like to brag or anything but - uh - I haven’t, actually.” 

“First time for everything, huh?” 

 

A knock at the door signals Raleigh’s arrival, Carter answering in only his sweatpants. Raleigh pushes past into the room, tossing his bag and jacket onto the couch. “Oh, hi there.” 

Raleigh stands with his arms crossed, foot tapping. “Carter, I only have an hour, so we’d better make this quick.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

Raleigh brushes up against Carter, eyes zeroing on his bare physique. “You heard me.” 

Carter shrinks back into himself, self-consciousness overcoming him. “To be honest, I don’t really have much experience with this kind of thing.” 

Raleigh runs a finger along Carter’s jawline, tipping his head up. “Don’t worry, I can teach you.” He leans in for a kiss, voice a smoky whisper. “Both of you.” He unbuttons his dress shirt as he makes his way to the bedroom, kicking his shoes off behind him. 

Carter follows, his excitement and nerves battling for supremacy. “You mean you’ve done this before?”

Raleigh snorts. “Yeah? What do you think I spent most of my free time in college doing? Studying?”

Zach looks at Raleigh enter the room, biting his lip at the sight before him. “Well, good morning to you too.”

Raleigh stares Zach down as nimble fingers undo his slacks, easing them off bit by bit. The waistband of his blue jockstrap peeks over, letting his pants lay where they fall. Raleigh tosses his dress shirt onto the floor, kneeling onto the bed. He throws a glance between the two stunned men. “Well? What are you two waiting for?” 

Carter coughs. “I mean, this is just kinda-”

“Sudden,” Zach adds. 

“Right, it’s really sudden-” 

“I get that you’re both nervous, that’s fine, but could one of you just shut up and fuck me?” Raleigh’s demanding voice leaves them silenced. He closes the gap between Zach and him, leaning over him. “C’mon Zach, what’s the big deal? Don’t you want to take me?” 

“I, I do,” He stutters, his hands tentatively trailing over Raleigh’s waist. Raleigh pulls him in for a deep kiss, straddling him, fingers winding through Zach’s hair. He grips handfuls of Raleigh’s ass, growling hotly into the bare skin of his neck. “Oh, baby. You sure about this?” 

“Trust me, I’m sure.” Raleigh shoots a lust-filled look to Carter, still standing on the other side of the room watching their display. Zach grinds up into Raleigh, teeth marking up his neck and collar. Raleigh moans and Carter’s fingers itch to be on him. This is the thing he’s been waiting for, isn’t it? Fuck it. 

He gets onto the bed, easing directly behind Raleigh, hands unsure of where to be. “I’m sorry, I’m not really-” Raleigh makes the choice for him, wrapping his arms around his bare torso. Carter’s blush and boner only intensify, Raleigh pressing back against his crotch. His head is swimming, kissing down his side of Raleigh’s neck. Raleigh’s eyes are closed, soaking in sweet sensation, pressed between them like the meat of a sandwich. 

The air in their cramped space turns hot, the pressure overwhelming for the trio. None of them can take this simple foreplay anymore, Carter moving down Raleigh’s back with soft, wet kiss after kiss while the other two continue to make out. 

His mouth makes it down to his butt, hands gripping Raleigh’s thighs. The view is tantalizing, almost like he’s begging to be eaten. His mouth waters, adrenaline rushing in his veins as he takes the first bite. Raleigh tenses, an audible catch in his breath that only spurs Carter on more to devour him. “C-Carter.. Slow it down a little bit.”   
“I’m sorry, what?” He shoves his tongue inside him and Raleigh is incoherent. 

His head is against Zach’s chest, but he’s as smug as Carter, whispering all the while into his ear. “You look so cute like this, baby. You want us to both fuck you, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah.” His voice wavers, panting. Zach shifts underneath him, sitting straight, slipping the covers off him. 

He waves his dick teasingly, voice low. “You want this inside you?”

“I.. I want both of you.” 

Raleigh can barely concentrate on his own words, eyes bleary with sex. Carter grinds on him from behind with an intense heat, sweatpants around his knees. “Both of us huh? You sure you wanna try that?”

Raleigh vigorously nods. Carter and Zach shrug to each other, Carter getting the lube out from his drawer. “I’m gonna ask again, you completely sure?”

“What part of shut up and fuck me don’t you get?” He asks. “I- I need it.” 

“Okay, okay, I get it. Since when did you get so demanding?” Carter slowly eases himself in, letting out a little sigh of content. 

“I guess even Raleigh has surprises.” 

Raleigh, however, is impatient. “Don’t you have somewhere to be, Zach?” 

“Right, right.” He slips back underneath Raleigh, sliding his erection bit by bit into him. Raleigh can do little but breath and relax, although the feeling is more than he could’ve asked for. His vision is foggy, a body high coming over him. 

After a couple minutes, they both grind into him, Raleigh biting his finger to keep himself quiet. Carter and Zach share a look, both silently agreeing to give Raleigh exactly what he asked for. Their thrusts are slow, sensual, but they quickly pick up the pace, almost like they’re trying to fuck him to death. Raleigh’s hands cover his mouth, eyes unfocused, face bright and rosy.

Carter presses against him as he fucks him deep and hard, voice tickling his ear. “You love this, don’t you?” 

“C’mon, this isn’t a competition, Concord.” 

“If it was, I’d be winning.” 

Zach only picks up his own pace in reply, Raleigh’s hands on his shoulders as a means to simply hold on for the ride. By the end of it, Raleigh is dick drunk, both men thoroughly destroying him. Zach and Carter groan and come inside him, Zach pulling Raleigh down for a final kiss, gazing into his eyes. 

Raleigh lies between Zach and Carter, their bodies covered in a sheen of sweat, a content smile on his sleeping face. “Think we should wake him up for work?”   
“Nah, I’ll just tell Karen he got, uh, busy.” Carter yawns.

“Whatever you say, man.” Zach cuddles up to Raleigh, a possessive hand on his waist. “I won, by the way.” 

“Bullshit.” Carter states.

“Let’s call it a tie.” He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “Let’s worry about this later, okay?”

Carter lays his hand over Zach’s, grumbling. “I guess there’s no point in arguing anymore, yeah?” 

“There isn’t because I’m right.” Zach replies, eyes closed. “Now, good night, Carter.”

“Night, Zach.” He leans over to give a quick peck to their foreheads, getting himself comfortable.


	11. Underneath the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dinner date: reloaded

Later that evening after their escapade, having parted ways for the afternoon, Carter is having too much fun getting ready for this date with Raleigh. His crisp dress shirt is half-buttoned, tie loose around his neck, fixing himself in the mirror. Maybe he sprays a little bit too much cologne, puts a little too much gel in his hair, but he couldn’t care what he looks like, he feels good. A soft R&B slow jam echoes from his living room stereo, getting him in the mood for the rest of tonight. 

Thoughts pop up like blooming flowers in his head of Raleigh under dim light, gazing into his perfect green eyes. He admits, he might be a little bit infatuated with him. Tonight, he’s going to shower him with love and affection like he deserves. 

Finished getting ready, he sends a single selfie with a heart to him, unusually getting no reply. He must be busy with something, Carter guesses. No matter, he’ll just have to surprise Raleigh and come early. 

He takes the roses he bought earlier in gentle hands, setting them on the passenger seat as he gets into his car, letting out a tense breath. “Okay, everything’s going to be fine, nothing bad’s going to happen,” He mumbles to himself. “Just try not to say something stupid.” 

As Carter gets closer to Raleigh’s apartment, he only grows more nervous, his fingers fidgeting on the steering wheel. He sits in his car for a minute or so, bouquet in hand, glancing up at his window every now and then. Just go up, Concord, what’re you waiting for? 

 

He makes the trek up the stairs, glancing at his watch. Nearly an hour early and here he thought he lost track of time. The phone rings in his ear. “...Yes?”

“Uh, hey, it’s just me.” 

“It’s only six o’clock?” 

“I know…” His voice pitches low. “Thing is, I’m here already.”

“What?”

“I just got nervous and didn’t want to be late.” 

A sigh from Raleigh’s end. “Okay, I’ll be out in a sec.”

Carter waits mere moments before the door opens, “Oh, hey-” his greeting is cut short once he realizes Raleigh is only in a towel. “Hey there…”

“So, you wanna come in or?” 

“Oh, sorry, just-” a smile cracks his poker face “-got a little bit distracted is all.” 

Carter follows him in, trying his best to not stare at his half-nakedness. Raleigh fills the vase with the flowers he bought, taking his time to appreciate their beauty. They sit in the middle of his table, brightening the room, giving it some semblance of life. “You know, you don’t have to buy me flowers, right?”

“I know, I just thought since it’s our first real date and all, I should.” Carter pulls him into his arms, the usual smell of cologne and vanilla encircling Raleigh. He leans in for a kiss and someone’s stern voice makes him stop short. 

“Hey, save that for later, Prince Charming.” 

He doesn’t bother to look behind him, his voice falling flat. “I didn’t expect you to be here, Zach.” 

“You never do huh?” Zach eases out from behind the vase of roses, slinking out of his seat to stand beside them, placing a leather clad arm around each of them. “So, what’s this about you taking Raleigh on a date - and without me?” He breathes in sharply, tutting away. “I would’ve thought you’d of invited me too.”

“I just wanted some alone time with Raleigh.” He keeps looking at Raleigh, Zach in his peripheral. “Is that so much to ask?” 

“Yeah, actually. We’re joined at the hip, didn’t you know?”

“Why are we talking about me like I’m not here?” Raleigh asks, grimacing. 

“So, anyways, about this date.” Zach grins, patting Carter on his lower back. “Do you mind a third wheel?”

“I actually do.” 

“Oh, that sucks, ‘cause it’s happening anyway.” 

Raleigh rolls his eyes. “Zach…”

He innocently answers. “Yes?” 

“I don’t think-” 

“I’ll be really quiet, okay? I promise. I’ll just be an observer, maybe throw in some commentary every now and then-” 

“Zach.” 

“-Okay, okay. I’ll cut the commentary.” He leans close to Raleigh. “Just let me come, please? Pretty please?” 

Raleigh sighs. “Fine.” 

“Seriously?” Carter huffs. 

“You know I can’t say no to him.” 

“Alright, fine, if he really has to.” Zach flashes a grin. “But, he has to pay for himself.” Carter shifts his eyes to him. “Think you can afford it?”

“I actually got paid today, so, yes - yes I can.” 

Carter covers his eyes with a hand, staring at the floor. “Get in the car before I change my mind.” 

Zach fires a finger gun at him, moving for the door. “I call shotgun.” 

“Are you okay with that, Raleigh?” 

“Yeah, whatever, can you let me get dressed already?” He stares at Carter, a brow cocked. “Unless you want me to go naked.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t mind-” 

“Cool, didn’t ask.” Raleigh turns on his heel to retreat to his room, Carter on his heels. “Do you need something?”

“Oh, no.”

“Do you really need to come watch me get dressed?”

Carter innocently nods. “Yeah, I know.” He coughs. “I don’t think seeing you naked is much of a big deal. We did just have a threesome earlier, or did you forget?” A smirk slips onto his lips. “I mean, I know we worked you over pretty good, but-”

“I was incoherent, remember?” 

He fondly sighs. “Yeah. It was kind of hot. Hey, do you think we could try that again?” 

“No. Anyway, I’m going to get changed now, alright? You can handle that, right?”

He cocks his head, eyes flicking to the towel around his waist. “I’m good here.” 

“Suit yourself.” With a flip of his drenched hair, he drops the towel, a light blush on Carter’s face. He watches Raleigh, focused on every little movement, every subtle curve of his silhouette in the pink light from his closet. 

“Y’know, we have, uh, time,” He whispers. 

“Huh?” Raleigh slips on a skimpy pair of underwear and Carter wants nothing more than to tear them off him. He looks over, his soft curls framing his face so delicately, lips parted ever so slightly.   
He raises his voice, “I said, we have an hour and Zach’s in the car, so…” 

“So?” 

“Why don’t we do something with it?” 

He places hand on his hip, lips curling into a smile. “And what exactly were you thinking we do huh?”

“I could demonstrate, if you like.” A goofy grin crosses Carter’s face. 

Raleigh is the one to break the gap between them, taking Carter’s face in his hands, leaning against him. A determined look is on his face, like a predator waiting for the right moment to strike, completely different from moments prior. His hands run down Raleigh’s bare skin, finding purchase on his butt, his breath shaky. “Well? Are you going to show me or not?”

“Yeah, sorry.” They lean into each other, Raleigh having to stay on his tiptoes to fully kiss him. Carter squeezes every inch he has in his hands, groaning. “Oh, baby…” He isn’t sure who eggs who on, but their kissing turns hot and messy, Carter crowding Raleigh over to his bed, pinning him in a corner. 

His body eclipses the closet light, only his silhouette visible. Heat radiates off them, everything moving so fast, a wildfire threatening to burn everything. Carter whispers into his ear, fingers toying with the waistband of his underwear. “Let me in, baby.” 

Carter’s voice is silky soft, filling up his swimming head with sweet words. “I, uh-” 

Raleigh’s ringing phone interrupts his train of thought. Carter is pulled out of it, pressing his forehead into Raleigh’s neck. “He couldn’t let us be for five minutes?”

“We should really get going, don’t you think?”

“I guess.” He grumbles. “It was just getting good, too.” 

“We’ll have plenty of time for that later, okay?” His lips graze Carter’s neck. “Besides, isn’t dessert meant to be saved until after dinner?” 

They stroll downstairs, Zach standing against the car with his arms folded, staring at them. “Nice of you to remember little ole me down here.” 

“Sorry, who are you?” Carter quips with a snort. 

“Yeah, real funny.” 

“And I thought you were supposed to be the comedian here, Matthews.” 

“And here I thought you were the hot asshole, but I guess we all grow out of our designated roles at some point, huh?” He ponders for a moment. “Actually, on second thought, it still fits you.”   
“Can you just get in the car?” 

On the ride there, Zach toys with the radio in an attempt to lighten the mood. When they arrive, they take an elevator all the way up to the top; the 20th floor. Carter’s hand around Raleigh’s waist guides him to their table, near the balcony. Little candles sit in the middle, adding a soft glow around it, like little fireflies. Raleigh could almost see the entire city, lit up like it is at night, making it so breathtaking. 

Carter goes to pull the chair out for Raleigh, but Zach has beaten him to it. Zach shrugs at him, sitting between the two with a watchful eye. Their waiters comes and they both order waters, but Raleigh seems to have a craving for a cocktail. Their waiter departs, leaving the three in relative silence. Carter makes it a point to ignore Zach, running his hand across the table over Raleigh’s. “So, Raleigh, uh…” He scrunches up his nose, unsure of whether he should pester him with Zach here. Raleigh’s eyes flick between Zach, him and the view, hand resting against his jaw. Does he dare? “I was wondering if you were in the mood to talk about yourself? I mean, I know we talked before, but I just can’t help myself, I still don’t really know much about you.” 

“He doesn’t know anything about you, either, so can you blame him?” Zach cuts in. 

Carter scratches at his beard. “Huh, you’re right. There isn’t really much to me, I’m a pretty simple guy.” 

“Wow, color me surprised.” Another quip.

Carter narrows his eyes, clearing his throat. “Anyway, where was I - I, I have a brother, that’s one thing you don’t know.”

“Oh, Cole? I love that guy.”

Carter sighs, “...I know.” 

Raleigh shifts between them, an unsure grimace on his face. “Okay? Am I ever going to meet this Cole?”

“Maybe - on second thought, no, actually.” Carter forces out a chuckle, tugging at his collar. “I mean, I hope not, he has a habit of showing up unannounced.” 

“C’mon, we both know you just don’t want him to realize how much better your brother is.” 

“Hey, he’s not better than me-” He snaps, their waiter placing their drinks down as he’s about to go off. 

“Forgive me for, uh, interrupting. Can I get you anything else?” He holds a few menus to his chest, brows low in concern.

“-No, no. We’re good for now.” The moment he leaves, Carter jabs a finger at Zach, brows furrowed. Of course Zach just has to dig into him about his brother. “Listen, he isn’t better than me, okay? I mean-“ his voice lowers “-maybe a little bit.”

“See? Told you.” 

Carter’s shoulders slump, finger tapping against the table, hoping for this to blow over. “Can we not talk about it right now? I just, I don’t want to ruin the mood.” 

Zach rolls his eyes, diverting his focus onto Raleigh. “I’m sorry, am I royally fucking the date up?”

“No, I’m just a little bit confused is all.” He sips from his glass, enthralled by the drama.

“Let’s just say he has some family issues.” 

“Hey, I do not!” Carter leans back in his chair, adjusting his tie, and taking a sip of water. “Why don’t you go on about your family, Raleigh?”

“Uh, I don’t really think I should.”

“Man, let’s not get into that, okay?” Zach tries to flag down their waiter. “Let’s order some food, now’s not the time.” 

“What, so it’s okay to grill me about my family?” Carter cocks his head. “I promise I won’t say anything, alright? I’ll just listen. I’m sure it’s not that bad.” 

Raleigh takes a long sip, practically chugging the entirety of his drink. He lets out a relaxed breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Raleigh, you don’t-”

“I want to, Zach. I can’t hide it forever, yeah?” Carter watches him destroy his drink, a stupefied expression on his face. Raleigh runs a hand through his hair, gazing out at the twinkling stars, the lights and colors blending together. “I haven’t spoken to my parents in years, I, uh, I kind of left after high school.” 

“Oh. Uh, I’m sorry…” Carter wets his lips, “I didn’t realize-”

“It’s fine, you didn’t know.” There’s a long beat before Raleigh continues, sucking in a breath. “So, I went to school to get away from it all, but nothing really helped.”

“But why did you leave in the first place?” 

He visibly tenses up. “I just hate my father, that’s it.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I should’ve kept my stupid mouth closed.” Carter laces his fingers together, looking down at his hands.

Raleigh swallows, a grin twitching onto his face. “No, it’s okay. Like I said, it’s been years. Who knows, he might even be dead. One can hope, right?” 

“Right,” Zach mumbles, scratching at his chin with the back of his hand. “Raleigh, we can change the subject if you want?”

“What, and miss filling Carter in on my piece of shit dad?” Raleigh shakes his head. “No way.” 

Carter disengages himself from the conversation, letting the two bicker over the topic at hand. He’s merely an observer in this moment, a bystander watching an old couple argue in public. In the back of his mind, a thought dawns on him, a shadow creeping over his shoulder, whispering in his ear how he’ll never truly understand Raleigh like Zach. They’ll never have the same connection he has with him; He’s just the pretty face of the office, after all. 

Raleigh has all he’d ever need in him and he fears one day he’ll wake up and realize that. It’s okay, he tells himself, he’s used to being the first to bid adieu. What’s the point of getting attached, right? His chest grows tight at the thought, all the noise around them getting to him. He shoves his seat out, “I’m sorry, I’ll, uh, just be a moment.” 

Zach and Raleigh glance after him, silent, countless voices from other tables drowning out his own thoughts as he makes a beeline for the bathrooms. He stands at the sink, dabbing his face with cold water in an effort to calm himself. He stares into the mirror at his own chiseled features, his face as empty and lifeless as marble. Maybe Zach is right, maybe Cole is better than him? He has everything a person, specifically Carter, could ask for. 

He rests his hands on the glossy counter, eyes downcast, his head a cacophony of voices, all he can only vaguely recall at this point. All the past flings and attempts at relationships that all failed echo in his heart, as empty as a canyon. He’s so familiar with emptiness, he’s afraid of feeling anything at all. He curses to himself under his breath, running wet fingers through his perfectly tousled hair. Maybe he should get back, they’re probably worrying about him. 

Carter saunters back to the table, forcing a light-hearted grin on to mask the oncoming storm. He eases back into his chair, tuning out everything once more to focus on Raleigh and Zach. Okay, maybe they’re not. They appear to be locked in conversation, Raleigh actually giggling over on his side, a blush on his cheeks. “Uh, did I miss something?”

“Oh, nothing.” Zach sips at his water, side eyeing Carter with his straw in the corner of his mouth.

His face falls flat. So that’s how it’s going to be huh? “Whatever you say, Matthews.” He clears his throat, “So, we should order.” Carter flags down their waiter, ordering steaks and another drink for Raleigh. In the meantime, conversation falls flat while they wait for their food, an awkward air making Carter’s skin crawl. “I can leave again if you guys want?” He asks, tone inscrutable.   
“I mean, I’d be out of a ride then, wouldn’t I?” Zach laughs. “I kid, I kid.”

“I’m sorry, Carter, I was just getting caught up on what Zach’s family’s doing, so we didn’t want you to feel left out.” Raleigh purses his lips, shifting his eyes to Zach. “We can talk about something else, though, right?” 

He groans, “Do we have to? I was just getting to the good part of the story.” 

“Zach!”

Zach shoots Carter a look, shrugging. “Whatever.” 

“Why are you so pissy all of a sudden, Matthews?” 

“Me? I’m fine, just peachy.” Zach crosses his legs, leaning back against his chair. “Raleigh, you don’t have to lie for his sake, y’know.” 

“Huh?”

A grin is plastered onto Raleigh’s face, speaking through gritted teeth. “Oh, uh, what do you mean? I’m not lying about anything, Zach.” 

“We were talking about you, Handsome.” 

“Wha- What about me?” Carter’s fingers tighten into fists, his nails digging into his palms, dread filling his chest. 

“Well, nothing I haven’t told him yet, just recapping some things.” 

He drawls, “I thought we were trying to move past that?”

“Oh, we are.” He glares into Carter’s face. “I just can’t help but be bitter still, y’know.” His voice drops low. “Let me be frank, I don’t trust you still, Concord.” 

What did he do now? Carter gets the impulse to get up and leave, to forget about this whole arrangement. “But… I’m really trying, why can’t you see that?”

“Sorry, but I don’t buy the act.” 

“I’m not acting-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” 

Carter’s voice catches in his throat, “Okay, fine, I’m not here to argue with you, we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.” 

Their waiter comes by with the food and drink in tow, Raleigh drinking it like it’s water. Carter almost considers getting himself a shot or two, if only to get through the rest of the night. The rift between Carter and Zach grows as time goes on, the trio silently eating their food. By the time they finish, Raleigh has downed another drink and a half. He manages to uplift Carter’s mood with his subdued smile, the lights shining on his cute face. He checks his watch with a sigh. “So, what say we get out of here, it’s kind of late.” 

“I have work in the morning, anyway, so we may as well.” 

Carter pays for all three of them, holding Raleigh’s drunk form up with a hand on his waist, Zach on the other side, boxes in tow. Other patrons watch the trio with interest at the guys carrying their date out of the restaurant, all the while Raleigh snickers to himself. On the way back to Raleigh’s, Carter holds his hand, Zach keeping a stare on them as they pull up to the curb. “Okay, looks like this is where I get off, guys.” He sits, eyeing his beetle out the window. “I’d really love to stay, but, y’know.”

“It’s okay, Zach.” Raleigh glances back to him with a tiny smile. 

“You sure? I- I don’t mind being late, I’m sure someone could cover for me for the first hour-”

“We’ll be fine,” He slides a hand over Zach’s knee, giving it a light squeeze. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” 

Zach’s mouth tightens, holding back his words. He stares at Carter in the rearview. “Just make sure you take care of him, got it?” 

“You don’t have to worry about him, Matthews. I’ve got it covered.” He reassures him with a bright grin. “You go get some sleep, alright?” 

Zach steps out of the car, hands tucked into his jacket pockets. “Don’t have too much fun, you two.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t.”

He waits for Zach to get into his car before pulling back out, taking the long way to his apartment. He carries him up the stairway, Raleigh too drunk to be trusted to not trip over himself.   
“You feeling alright?” Raleigh leans against the marble counter, his shirt messily unbuttoned, a glow of sweat on his skin. His eyes are unfocused, but he reassures him with a grin. 

Carter rubs his face against Raleigh’s neck, his beard tickling his skin, coaxing a chuckle. At least he could do that. They sit for a while, Carter massaging Raleigh’s lower back while he leans against him. The light from the bedroom peeking from around the corner. The rest of the apartment is freezing cold, but Raleigh is secure in his arms, drowsiness making him melt against Carter’s heat. 

“Wanna go to bed, babe?” A weak nod and he scoops Raleigh up, carrying him to his big bed. Pulling back the plush, clean white sheets to lay him down. He runs a finger along the line of his face, seeing how exhausted Raleigh is. He carefully undresses him, tossing his clothes along with his own to the floor. He gets on his own side next to him, pulling the layers of blankets up over both of them. Flicking the lights off, he pulls him into him, and spoons the hell out of him. “Hey, Carter?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mm.. I’m sorry.” 

“For what?”

“Ruining your night earlier, I, uh, didn’t mean to talk about you behind your back.”

Carter’s tone is light in an attempt to soothe Raleigh. “I really don’t mind, it’s okay.” 

“You - you sure?” 

“I’m sure. Now, we should be getting to bed, yeah?” Raleigh rolls over to face him, Carter making out the vague outline of his face in the dark. “Something wrong?” 

“No, I just - I… I promised we’d have sex later, right?”

“You’re drunk,” He admonishes him. “It wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of you like that.” 

“I know, but, I promised.” 

Carter cups Raleigh’s face in his big hand, thumb running over the line of his lower lip. He leans in close to give him a single kiss, the aftertaste of fruity alcohol on his mouth. His heart swells as he looks down at him, his eyes growing watery. “We can save that for another time, alright? You don’t have to force yourself.” 

Raleigh snuggles closer to him, his face tranquil. “‘Kay.” 

Carter holds Raleigh close to him, waiting for the gentle rhythm of his breathing to signal he’s asleep before falling asleep himself. Sweet words overwhelm him, prepared to put his heart on his sleeve.   
“Hey, Raleigh?” 

“Mm?” 

“Can I say something real quick? I’ve just, uh, got this thing on my mind.” 

He answers back, fading fast. “Shoot.”

“I think I’m in love with you.” His face turns bright red, stuttering. “I mean, if - if that’s okay with you! If not, I - I don’t know?” 

“Huh?” 

“Nothing, forget I said anything.” 

“No, I mean,” He yawns, “That’s cute. You really think you’re in love with me?”

“It’s not weird, is it?”

“No, no, no…” He pats Carter’s cheek, pressing his face into the pillow. “Why do you care so much about what I think? I can’t dictate the way you feel.”   
“I know, I guess I’m not really used to expressing my feelings. So, it’s kind of tough for me.” He rolls over onto his back, staring into the shadow of the ceiling fan slowly rotate. “I was always by myself as a kid, so I have a lot of trouble connecting with people, being, uh, autistic and all.” 

“Uh huh?” 

Carter gulps, “Yeah. So, that was, uh, it. Sorry for being stupid.”

“Don’t call yourself that… you’re not stupid!” 

An edge enters his voice. “I’m just different, right?”

“No? You’re perfectly normal, Carter.” 

Carter’s fingers clutch at the blankets. “I’m sorry, I’m just used to people treating me like I’m not a thirty year old adult once I tell them.” 

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of doing that to you.” He offers a warm smile. “Trust me, I know how it is.” 

“You- you do?”

“I mean, you’re not the only autistic person in the world, y’know.” 

“Oh, baby… let’s get some sleep, okay? We can talk about this more in the morning.” A giddiness spreads inside him, making Carter a little bit too wired to immediately fall asleep, but Raleigh passes out as soon as his eyes close. He lies in bed, his fingers twitching with joy as he hums a soft tune to himself, repeating the same part over and over until he tires himself out. He falls asleep to gentle fantasies of Raleigh and him together, an urge to see this come to fruition coming over him. This time he cannot fuck it up.


	12. Moonstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some soft morning stuff

Carter wakes at the crack of dawn as he does every morning, tugging a still sleeping Raleigh in close to simply bask in his warmth. He presses their foreheads together, sharing the same pillow as he stares down into his face, putting every subtle detail to memory. For the first time, he actually looks relaxed, the bags under his eyes telling of many sleepless nights. He wonders what exactly it is that he’s lost so much sleep over?

He blushes like a smitten teen with a crush, entirely content with waiting for him to awaken. Birds chirp outside his window, Carter humming another nonsensical tune to himself. Easing closer, his pulse thrums in his ears, stealing a single groggy kiss. Raleigh opens a single eye, squinting into Carter’s face. “...Huh?”

“Good morning!” He chirps, “How’d you sleep? Good, I hope?” 

“Uh, yeah?” He rolls over onto his back, staring up into the ceiling, an arm over his sleepy eyes. “What time is it?” 

“Around five? Why?”

Raleigh groans, shoving a pillow over his face. “I’m going back to sleep. Good night.” 

“No,” Carter softly whines, “What am I supposed to do with myself?” 

“I’m sure you’ll live, Carter.” 

He sighs, voice pitching low, “Okay, fine, but before you do, can we talk about last night a little bit?” Carter rests his face against his forearm, staring expectantly at him. “I feel like I overstepped… if I did, I’m sorry. I just, I felt so much, I felt like it was the right time to do it, but-”

“Carter, it’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Look, you don’t need to apologize for how you feel, it is what it is, yeah?”

Carter sucks in his lower lip, considering his words. “I guess so, I’m not used to feeling this way; it’s so - so…”

“Foreign?”

“Yeah, exactly.” He eyes the clock, pressing one last kiss to Raleigh’s neck before he rolls out of bed. “I’m going to shower, feel free to grab something from the kitchen if you get up, okay?” He gets to the door, a hand on the frame, glancing over his shoulder at the prone form under his soft sheets. A spark ignites in his heart, a flickering flame he fans to life. With a dreamy sigh, he drifts into the bathroom, stepping into the cold shower, lingering thoughts of Raleigh in his head. Carter spends a few minutes sitting under the warm water, being interrupted by a knock on the door. “Hey, Carter? Someone’s on the phone asking for you - Yeah, I know, I’m trying, god.” He groans, “For the last time, I’m not a twink- Okay, okay.” 

Raleigh forces himself into the bathroom, Carter’s phone to his ear, putting it on speaker. A deep voice fills the bathroom that fills Carter with mixed annoyance and dread. “Hey, ugly.” A cough. “So, I like I told your twink - which, by the way, you never told me or Mom about? You have my number still, right?”

“He’s not-”

“Anyway, Mom’s been complaining to me so much about ‘oh, Carter never calls me, maybe you could call him for me, Cole.’” The line falls flat, “You listening, Carter?” 

“Yes, I am.” 

“Good. Mom wants you over Friday for dinner, got it? If you don’t show up-”

“-She’s writing me out of her will, right.” Carter rolls his eyes, “Anything else?”

“Well, no. I guess you can bring your twink with if you want? I don’t think they’ll mind.” 

“His name’s Raleigh, Cole.”

“And you expect me to know that? Amazing.” Ahem. “That’s all I had to tell you, so, see you Friday, ugly.” 

“Bye Cole,” He mumbles.

Raleigh stands on the tiled floor, Carter’s phone in his hands. “So, that’s your brother huh? He sounds like an asshole.”

Carter sighs. “He isn’t that bad, really. Cole just likes to give me shit about everything.”

“I can tell.” He quips back, a cloud of silence falling over them, Carter letting the water run over him, eyes on the floor. “I can step out if you want?” 

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry, I’m just thinking about what to tell my parents.” He runs a hand through his wet hair, biting on the inside of his cheek. “I’ve never really brought a guy around before, so I can’t help but be a little nervous.” 

“You don’t have to bring me? Or you can just say I’m a friend?”

Carter turns the water off, fishing a towel off the hook right outside, wrapping it around his waist. He steps out into the chilly air, leveling his gaze onto Raleigh. “I want to, though.” A smile brightens his face, holding a hesitant hand out for him to take. Raleigh obliges and is pulled into a rather wet hug, the oversized shirt he’s in growing damp. With Carter’s vice grip around him, there is no escape.   
“You know you’re still soaking wet, right?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Carter retorts, squeezing him tighter. “You don’t mind though, yeah?”

Raleigh rests his cheek against Carter’s collar, doing his best to wrap his arms around his thick upper body. The warmth radiating off him makes Raleigh want to curl up and fall back asleep. “Of course not.” But, unfortunately, they have work later. “I’m going to get ready, okay?”

“We have a couple hours, though, babe.” His hands massage Raleigh’s lower back, that familiar dopey grin on his face. “We can take our time, hang out a while longer.” He whispers into his ear, “Together.”  
“I… I guess we can?” His cheeks burn a soft pink, leaning back to look up at Carter. “What’d you have in mind?” 

“Oh, you just wait right here.” He raises a finger as he steps out the door, “I’ll just be a minute.” Carter changes into a pair of orange sweatpants, Raleigh watching him from a distance like a shy cat, a hand wrapped around the door. “Something wrong?”

“No…”

Carter approaches him, placing his hand over Raleigh’s, gently tipping his head up to look at him, a thumb running over his cheek. His wet hair falls over his forehead. “You know you can tell me anything.”   
Raleigh avoids his gaze, “I just like you a lot.”

“Well, I like you too - Didn’t I mention that last night?”

“Yeah, but, I just feel like I might do something wrong and mess it up.” He frowns, “It’s like I’m walking on eggshells.” 

Carter tugs Raleigh into the room by the hand back towards the bed, sitting down on the soft sheets side by side, Raleigh leaning his head down on Carter’s shoulder. Carter pets his hair, waiting for the right moment to say something, anything to make him feel better. “You know, you don’t have to worry about that with me.” He kisses his forehead, “I’ll love you no matter what you do.”

“Huh?”

“What? That’s just what people do, right?” 

“No, I mean-” Raleigh breaks off to shake his head “-Nevermind. Thanks, though.” 

His brows droop momentarily, eyes wide as he realizes what he means. “Oh, you meant the love part?” His voice drops low, “It, it isn’t too much, is it?” 

“No,” He nuzzles further into Carter’s shoulder, “We’ve been over this, it’s okay. It’s kinda sweet, actually.” 

Carter whispers, “Does that mean I can keep using it?” 

“Isn’t that moving a bit fast? We aren’t even dating yet, right?” 

“Uh, right, right,” He laughs, trying to regain his usual cool air. He brushes his nose with the back of a finger. “Well, about that, actually…” 

“Yeah?” 

Carter bites his tongue, putting himself on the spot. “It’s just a question, but maybe I should save this for a better time?” His eyes drag down Raleigh’s full form, from his watchful, gentle eyes, down to his toes. “Perhaps when we aren’t half naked?” 

Raleigh gives him a Look, a grin hiding his nerves. “It’s not like you’re asking me to marry you or something, right?” 

“No, it’s nothing like that!” He shifts underneath him, “I just want the moment to be, uh, perfect. For it to feel right… y’know?” 

Raleigh cocks a brow, face scrunched up with a mixture of confusion and frustration. “I think I do?” He rolls his eyes, “I’m going to get some breakfast if you’re not going to come out and say it.” 

“But-“ 

“Are the next words out of your mouth going to be what I wanna hear?”

“Uh, no…”

He folds his arms, “Then I’m getting breakfast.” 

Raleigh pulls back, walking out to the kitchen with his arms wrapped around himself, the cold of the apartment getting to him. 

“Babe?” 

“Sorry, I can’t hear you.” He waits for the coffee maker to fill, leaning against the counter, Carter trailing out of the room into the kitchen after him. A look of guilt is on his face as he approaches, slipping his hand over Raleigh’s. He tries to steal a kiss, but Raleigh turns his head away. “No, sorry. Try again after you’ve told me.” 

“Babe…” Carter whines, “I want to tell you, I just, I don’t know?” 

“Here’s an easy solution; tell me.” 

Carter sighs, “Okay, fine.” He places heavy hands on Raleigh’s shoulders, pressing their foreheads together, gazing into his eyes. His hands slipping down to his waist, tugging at his shirt. 

Raleigh’s soft voice brings him back to the present, “Carter. Are you going to tell me or not?” 

“Oh yeah. Uh, sorry.” He lets his hands idle at his waist for the time being. Raleigh maneuvers himself around Carter, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “You know I have feelings for you, right?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” 

“Well, I was thinking of doing something about them… I’m sure you can assume where I’m going with this.” 

“I think so, but I want you to say it.” 

Tears well up in Carter’s eyes, a hollowness in his throat. All the times he’s said it first, he’s been met with negativity. “I… I want you to be mine, to be my boyfriend.” He watches Raleigh’s face for a reaction, nothing given away but a thin smile at the edges of his lips. He holds his mug in both hands, looking down into the steaming liquid. 

“Is that it?” 

“Wh-what do you mean, ‘is that it?’” Carter asks, quiet and hesitant. “I know, it’s stupid, but it’s how I feel. I get this weird feeling about you, I don’t know how to explain it, other than that it feels right.” He pauses, “If that makes sense?” 

“First off, it’s not dumb, Carter.” Raleigh sighs. “And yeah, I get that. Second, I thought we were already dating? I mean, at least that’s what I felt?” 

“I guess we have been? I just wanted to make it official.” His fingers knead Raleigh’s hips, placing a kiss on his collar. Raleigh takes a sip of coffee, humming contentedly. “So it’s a yes, right?”

“Did you really think I’d say no?” He chuckles. 

“I don’t really know what to think?” He mutters against his skin, “You’re so closed off, I’m never sure how you’ll react.” 

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“I mean, you’re so careful all the time? Like… like you’re scared of something?”

“I’m not scared of anything, Carter.” He gives him a tiny smile as a sign he’s alright, but Carter has seen that same look too many times to fall for it. 

“I don't buy that for a second, Babe.” 

“I’m, I’m not!”

He steps back, waiting for Raleigh to set down his mug so he can hold his hands. “You can tell me, you know? I mean, if I can put my heart on my sleeve for you, I think you should feel comfortable doing the same.”

“I… I guess I could?” He mumbles, “There is stuff I’m afraid of, so, I guess I lied.” Carter cocks his head, his encouraging smile beaming at Raleigh. “I’m scared of people’s reactions when I say no. I… I don’t like making people disappointed in me, it makes me feel guilty.” 

“So you said yes to me out of... obligation?” Carter implores. 

“No, of course not! I really like you!” Raleigh runs a hand through his hair, “You’re so cute, I didn’t really expect for anything like this to happen, y’know?”

“Yeah… same here.” His smile only broadens. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, is that I’m not used to guys caring about how I feel? Like…” He gropes for words, his lips parted. As his thoughts come together, his expression flicks through a dozen different phases. His lower lip quivers, attempting to hold himself back from ugly crying. “I was just someone to be with, he didn’t really ever care about me.” 

“Raleigh? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He manages to get that out before he actually ugly cries, breaking down into a mess of tears, sobbing with his hands over his face. Carter pulls him into a tight embrace, petting his head, muttering gentle platitudes into his ear in an attempt to calm him. 

“It’s gonna be okay, alright? It’s okay, it’s okay… just breathe for me.” A shaky breath shudders through Raleigh’s body, leaning his full weight against him, knees growing weak from all the crying. Carter gently pries away the hands shielding Raleigh’s face, letting his eyes wander over his tear-streaked face, his puffy and red-ringed. “Baby, what’s wrong? You don’t have to tell me right now, or at all. I just want to know that you’re gonna be okay.” 

He rubs at his eyes with the back of his hand, letting out a deep breath. “I’m okay,” He states, monotone. “I mean, I think.” 

“So… who is this guy?” Carter’s jaw clenches, a flicker of anger in his eyes. “I think I can safely assume he was the one who hurt you?”

“Uh… yeah.” 

Carter speaks carefully, “Would it be too much for me to ask what he did?” 

“No, it’s not that big of a deal. I mean, it is, but, you know what I mean.”

“I don’t have a clue, but, go ahead.” As they talk in hushed tones, Carter relocates Raleigh to the couch, letting him settle on his lap, his thick arms around him. “So, you were saying?”

“I guess I should start at the beginning, yeah?” 

“Wherever you want,” He reassures him. Raleigh fidgets with his shirt, his fingers running over the fabric in repetitive circles.

“His name was Travis, I met him near the end of senior year. He graduated the year before and was helping the football team train.” 

“You were into sports?” 

“Just track, really,” he says. “But it didn’t really last that long.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“I kind of threw myself into the ‘relationship,’ or whatever it was.” His face scrunches up, “He was the only thing I knew for most of that summer, it was like he didn’t want me seeing anyone else? Like even Zach?” 

“He sounds like a royal asshole to me,” Carter scoffs. 

“Looking back, he was, but, I didn’t really notice it at the time.” He sighs, disgusted. “I can’t believe I was so blind.”

“It’s okay, it’s hard to realize things in the moment.” He squeezes him a little tighter. “At least you got out of that situation, yeah?” 

“Leaving was the only choice I had.” Raleigh gulps, his throat dry. “He outed me to my family and my father he… took it pretty badly.” He grows quiet, eyes on the floor. “Pretty sure he disowned me?” 

“Oh, fuck, I’m, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize.”

“No, it’s okay. I hated him - and that stupid town.” 

Carter takes a moment to mull over his words before he poses a question, “And Zach knows about this, right?”

“Honestly? I never got the chance to tell him. I left a letter with my mother, but I don’t know if she was able to give it to him.” Raleigh shrugs, “I should probably let him know huh?” 

“I would say so. It’s the least you can do.” Carter pulls Raleigh into him as he rolls over, holding him to his chest. They sit for a few minutes, Carter’s hands steady on his waist. Warm light falls onto them from the window as the early morning fades, Raleigh’s head heavy on him. He whispers, “You feeling better, baby?” He glances down into his boyfriend’s sleeping face, cocking a brow. 

With a roll of his eyes, he supposes they could both use just a little bit more shuteye before work. Besides, it’s not like Carter plans on going anywhere, he may as well be trapped for the meantime. Getting himself comfy, he closes his eyes and decides to wait it out.


	13. Perfect Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach and Raleigh have a Moment

Carter and Raleigh sit at a table in the cafe, gazing at each other like newlyweds, love in their eyes. The sun’s dying light falls over them, making the scene rather romantic. Zach watches them from his vantage point behind the counter, taking a moment away to greet his partners. Well, it might seem like that to someone on the outside, but he still has his doubts about Carter. Sure, things are fine now, but if his relationship with Raleigh turns sour, he certainly won’t be surprised. 

He knocks on the table, “Morning, lovebirds. Hope you slept well? Got any news for me?” 

“We slept fine, he was out like a light the moment he touched the pillow.” Carter lies with a grin, “Nothing noteworthy, Matthews. Just some small talk.” 

Zach turns to Raleigh, “So, you two really didn’t talk about anything? I find it hard to believe.” He hooks his thumbs into his apron pockets, brows raised, a sly grin on his lips. “C’mon, Raleigh, you know you can tell me, right?”

He looks between the two, tension in his posture. “I don’t know if this is the right place. I, I mean, I want to tell you - I also don’t want you blowing up on me.”

Zach tutts away, “Oh, come on, when have I been known to blow up?” 

“Actually-”

“Shut up, Concord. This is an A and B conversation at the moment, can’t you see yourself out of it?” He snaps, pulling up another chair to sit in at the corner closer to Raleigh. He grinds his teeth. “Sorry, I’ve just been really tense lately, okay? You’re not making this any easier.” He lets out a sigh from deep within, nodding to Raleigh. “You were saying?”

He toys with his fingers, biting his tongue. “I just wanted to ask you something.” 

“Well, what is it?”

“...Did you ever get that letter I left for you?” 

“The what? You must be playing a joke on me.” Zach leans back in his seat, rolling his eyes. “But, to answer your question, no, I didn’t.” A pause. “Why?” 

“I just wanted to know, but clearly you never got it, so that’s that, yeah?” He laughs. 

Zach’s anger bubbles up through his words, “Raleigh… can you not be clearer with me?” 

“I left a letter. With my mother.” He glances down at the table, “She was supposed to give it to you, but I guess she never did.”

“Wait a sec, so what you’re telling me, is I-” He presses a hand to his chest “-spent years blaming myself for what happened? And you put all of it in a letter I was somehow supposed to know about? What the fuck, Raleigh?” 

Carter shifts in his seat, a protective air about him. “Zach, I think we’d both appreciate it if you calmed down a bit.”

“I’m calm! I’m so calm right now.” He rakes fingers through his hair, “I’m just, I’m in disbelief! You couldn’t have told me, Raleigh - me, of all people?” 

“I didn’t have time to-”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, you could’ve told me if you wanted!” He turns to Carter, sneering coldly. “So, what else did he tell you huh? Since obviously, you’re more important than me all of a sudden.”   
Zach groans rather loudly. “You show up and after a few weeks it’s like I’m no longer the best friend that was always there - It’s like I’m just some asshole.”

“Zach… please, I really mean it.” Tears leak down his cheeks, “I had to get away from there.”

“And leave me by myself? Without a word of where you were going, or what was happening?” 

Raleigh stares into his lap, speaking slowly, ”I, I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“Anything? Anything at all? Like, I don’t know, a ‘Sorry, Zach’ would work?” He shoves himself out of his seat, glaring down the middle of the table, refusing to look at either. “You can’t just expect shit to be all hunky-dory after turning up out of nowhere after seven years, Raleigh!” His voice cracks, “I spent so much time trying to forget you, but nothing felt right. And just when I thought I was fine… you show up again without a single explanation.” Zach closes his eyes, hands on his hips. He takes a moment for his vitriol to subside, leaving a weariness in its place. “What happened to the Raleigh I knew?”

“It’s still me, Zach,” His voice shrinks. 

“It’s not the same! I thought it would be like old times, just the two of us again - but clearly I was wrong.” He balls his hands into tight fists. Ever since Raleigh came back into the picture, everything had a rosy tint to it, a fond feeling that had been missing these past years. He wanted it to be like high school again, with nothing to lose or find. But, he has to take his glasses off and face reality. “I know I said I’d give this whole thing a try, but I just don’t think this’ll work out.”

“Just sit back down and we can talk this out like we did before - what do you say?” 

“Fuck off, Concord.” Water clouds Zach’s vision as he sneaks a look down into Raleigh’s crumpling face. “I can’t do this, I can’t sit around and pretend like shit is going to be okay when it clearly isn’t!” He lets out a whimper, molten tears cascading down. “I’m sorry for being such a fuck up.” The movement of a chair catches his eye and Carter pulls him into a hug, Zach keeping him at arm’s length. “Stop it, I’m not in the fucking mood!” 

“Zach, it’s okay - there’s nothing wrong with crying.” He rubs his back, Zach too tired to fight it anymore. Carter hums, akin to a cat’s soothing purr. “C’mon, Raleigh, there’s enough room in here for you too.” He slides into Carter’s arms, pressing his face into his chest. Thankfully it’s after hours so no one else is here to see Zach cry like a baby in the arms of his boyfriend. Carter gives them a while to cry, Zach muttering curse-filled apologies under his breath into his tear-stained shirt. Carter speaks, whispering his careful observation. “I think you two still have some things to go over.”  
“Yeah, what gave you that fucking idea?” He retorts, wiping his face on his jacket sleeve. 

“I know it’s not my place, but…” Carter’s grip tightens, “I just want you two to talk this out, so we can move on - together.” 

Raleigh has been silent the entire time, a forlorn look on his face, eyes downcast. He glances up at Zach, voice growing more unstable as he goes on. “I don’t know if I can do that, some of the things I’ve went through… I don’t want to think about.” 

“You don’t have to go into detail, just tell me whatever you can, okay?” Zach grins, “We can go back to my place, yeah? How does that sound?”

Raleigh nods. 

“You can let go, by the way. I’m fine.”

Carter frowns, reluctantly releasing his prisoners, giving the duo their space. “I’m going to, I don’t know, work out or something? Just call me if you need me, I guess.” He stares at them with a serious demeanor. “Or I could call later, just to make sure you’re alright?”

Zach groans, “No need, just go home and relax, we’ll be fine.” 

Carter takes a few tentative steps away, half of him turned towards the elevator. He rocks from foot to foot, blurting his feelings out. “I- I love you.” 

Zach’s face falls flat, brows low, shifting his eyes to Raleigh. He covers his mouth with a hand, whispering into his ear. “What’s gotten into him?”

“I don’t know? He said it to me last night. I think he’s just getting used to it.”

“We’ll let you know how things go, alright?”

Carter sighs, visibly unsatisfied with the answer, but it’s all he’s going to get. “I just want things to work out for us, is that so much to ask?”

“Sometimes stuff just doesn’t go the way you want it,” Raleigh answers, face tightening at his words. His eyes trail up to Zach’s, an aching deep within them only he can see. 

Zach splays his hands out, “Listen, like I said, we’ll update you. Try not to worry too much - but we really need to get going if we’re going to do this… so, yeah.” 

“Oh, sorry, I’m keeping you, aren’t I?” Carter stumbles over himself, “I just - I really want you guys to know how much I care about you, okay? That’s, that’s a lot, if you didn’t know, but you probably did, so, uh, yeah.”

Zach nods along, tugging Raleigh by the hand past Carter. He parts with a curt grin.

The drive to Zach’s apartment is silent, both stewing in their brooding emotions and lingering regrets. Raleigh looks like he might cry again. Zach keeps his eyes on the road to keep his cool for what’s to come; another heart to heart. He isn’t good at this kind of shit, talking about his feelings only seems to backfire. Especially with the years of bottling up between them? 

Absolute honesty doesn’t seem like a good idea at this juncture of their relationship. Zach parks the car on the curb, letting out a breath, hands still on the wheel. “So, you ready?”   
“Do we have to do this?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” 

Raleigh keeps looking out the passenger window. “I just kind of hoped we wouldn’t have to talk about it.” 

“And pretend like the last seven years didn’t happen for either of us?” He questions, “I know we both had fucked expectations, but I, personally, want you to know.” His voice lowers. “I haven’t told anybody - shocker, right? - so I apologize in advance if I turn into a giant mess.”

“I think I’ll be right there with you.” His hand eases over Zach’s. 

Inside the apartment, Zach busies himself tidying up as much as he can while Raleigh stands in the threshold. He carries a hamper full of clothes past him into the laundry room, cursing under his breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t usually have company… I’ve been meaning to clean up for a few days, I just kinda put it off.” 

“I mean, I can help if you want?”

“No, it’s okay. Just sit down, you’re making me nervous.” He ushers Raleigh to the couch in the living room, sitting close enough for their elbows to brush. He forces a laugh, “So, let’s get started, yeah? Should I go first?”

Raleigh’s eyes wander the living room, scanning all the frames filled with old photographs of them dotting the shelves and coffee table amongst potted succulents. “You… kept all this stuff?”

“Well, yeah, why?” Zach rubs the back of his arm, repeatedly squeezing his hand into a fist. “It’s not weird, is it?”

He replies, “I guess I never thought I was that important to you.”

“That’s all my fault - like I said before, I was too much of a chicken to say anything. But, some things happened that made me realize how much you mean to me…” Zach’s voice trails off, “You know, I really tried to get over you. Not like I wanted to, but I really thought you were gone for good.” 

Raleigh leans against him, a gentle smile lightening his expression. “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“I know, I know that now, but - there was a point I got really low. Like really low.” His voice breaks as he chokes down tears. “Every relationship I tried, nothing would go right. All I could think about was you, how I’d never feel like that again. I-” He bites his tongue. 

He slips a hand around Zach’s, to coax the walls around his heart to lower. “It’s okay, whatever it is, you can say it.” 

He shuts his eyes, letting go and throwing his feelings to the wind. “I thought about hurting myself. A lot.” He whips around in his seat to face Raleigh, tears streaming down. “I, I was really lonely, okay? I didn’t know what else to do! I had no one - nobody!”

Raleigh poses an innocent question, “What about Carter?”

“What about him? He was just a fucking pity fuck. At first anyway.” He pauses to mull over his thoughts, “I might’ve projected a little bit onto him, I couldn’t help myself. He was so charming and I was so infatuated and when shit didn’t work out like I wanted? I blamed him for it.” 

Zach lays his head against Raleigh’s shoulder, forehead in the crook of his neck. He cries like a baby, clutching fistfuls of his shirt. He expects Raleigh to comfort him, but he just sits there like a statue. This only makes him cry harder, a punch in the gut. “Please tell me everything’s going to be okay again… something - anything!” He leans back to his respective side, looking through bleary eyes into his best friend’s face. He has a far-off look as if he’s staring through Zach. 

“I don’t really know,” He mutters. “I don’t have that answer…” 

“What do you mean you don’t know!?” He stifles himself, shaking with emotion. “Why the fuck are we doing this, then?” Zach stands, restlessly pacing the small living room, gesturing with his hands. “Don’t do that typical Raleigh thing where you say you’re sorry, I know you’re fucking not!” 

“But... I wasn’t-”

“That’s exactly what you were going to do! Did you forget how well I know you?” He leans his head back, hand covering his eyes. “Just give me an honest answer, that’s all I’m asking for.” 

Raleigh’s brave face folds in on itself, breaking down himself. He mutters frantic apologies, “I, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

Zach’s expression softens, settling back onto his place on the couch. “I’m not upset - okay, maybe a little - but I just want you to talk to me about this. I know it’s hard, but I don’t want to be strung along thinking everything’s alright.” 

Raleigh’s eyes are puffy and red. “I can’t.” 

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen… can’t we just pretend?”

Zach gives a simple shake of his head. “I’m not doing that anymore. We’re going to settle this here and now.” He lays a light hand on Raleigh’s shoulder. “But, c’mon, we’ve made it through worse, haven’t we? I feel like everything has to happen for a reason, right? So, why else would we meet like this? It can’t be just to separate again, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on, you know, you just don’t want to hurt my feelings. It’s okay, whatever it is, I promise I won’t be mad.”

“I just, I don’t think things will ever be the same.” 

A hopeful note shifts into Zach’s voice. “Well, yeah, but we can embrace the differences and move on regardless, yeah? I mean, I love you.”

“I know, I love you too, but I don’t think that’s enough this time.”

The years worth of fairy lights lacing the idealized picture of Raleigh flicker, a few bulbs dying out at his heavy words. “I’ve just been holding on for too long huh?” 

“Zach, it’s been seven years. I was really hopeful too, I was excited! But maybe, maybe this isn’t the right time?” 

“And you know what I’ve been doing for those years? Waiting for you.” He grits his teeth, “I’ve said it before, I’m not fucking letting go of you that easily.”

“Zach, please…”

“No! I’m not giving up on us.” He slams a fist down onto the arm rest. “Why don’t you believe we can do this?”

Raleigh closes his eyes, the bags under them heavier and darker than usual. “I’ve just been really tired, okay? I’ve been burnt out for so long, I just don’t want anyone worrying about me.” 

“You don’t need to feel bad for asking for help, babe.”

“It’s not that. I don’t feel okay, I haven’t felt okay in so long.” He gropes for words, “Do you remember that summer before senior year? How I said I didn’t think I’d make it that far?”

“Yeah…?” 

“I really didn’t plan on being there that year. You kept me too busy to think about it much.” A tiny grin shines between his dark clouds. “Thank you, by the way. I wouldn’t be here without you.” 

Zach takes his hands in his. “Raleigh, promise me you won’t hurt yourself. I don’t know what I’d do without you - and before you say anything, yes, I mean it.” 

“But-”

“No but, we both fucking care about you so much! Why can’t you accept that, babe? What is the problem here?”

“I don’t think I deserve it.” 

“You’re so wrong.” Zach stops himself short, raising a finger. “You know, you still haven’t given me a single straight answer yet. Why did you leave?”

“I had no other choice - I, I couldn’t be there with him any longer.”

“Him?”

“Uh…”

“Raleigh now’s not the time to close up. Tell me, please.”

“Travis,” he numbly spits out.

“You mean that sleazy fuck from school? What about him?”

Raleigh turns his face away, staring down at the carpeted floor. “He raped me.” His words echo endlessly inside Zach’s head, bouncing back and forth as he slowly processes them. White hot anger rises up and he swears his aorta bursts from the pressure.

“Oh my god… he - he fucking hurt you?”

Silence. 

“Why didn’t you tell me instead of keeping it a secret? There’s nothing to be ashamed of, I would’ve helped you, you know that!” He pulls him into a tight embrace, Raleigh’s entire body tensing up.   
“Please, don’t touch me.”

“Raleigh, it’s just me? You’re okay, you’re with me-” 

“Zach - stop!” 

“Wh- What? I’m just trying to comfort you?”

“I know, but please, let go.” Raleigh shoves Zach back, holding him at arm’s length. Zach is at a loss for words, mouth frozen into a grimace. “I just need some space.”

He stands, clutching the denim of his jacket as he turns away, eyes wide. Zach takes deep breaths, chest heaving with the effort to calm down. He cocks his head to look down at Raleigh, stomach reeling with guilt. “I’m sorry, I’m being so fucking stupid - I’m focusing so much on myself, like a fucking douchebag!”

Raleigh holds his hands in his lap, taking slow breaths. Zach leans against the wall, the light from outside his door shining on him in sickly greens. The sun has faded for the night, the inside of the apartment has grown dark. Raleigh sits inside the shadows, a comfortable cocoon for him to sit in and stew. Zach watches him cry his eyes out, not knowing what else to do. He doesn’t want to impose, despite the need to put his demons at ease. 

His frown only deepens as it goes on, Raleigh curled up in a ball on his couch. “Can I do something to help?”

Raleigh lies on his side, sniffling with his face pressed into the cushion. “No, I’ll be okay,” He gives a weak answer. 

“You really don’t look okay to me.”

He rolls over onto his back with a sigh, an arm over his eyes. “I just need some more time to stop thinking about it.”

Zach leans over the couch, hands moving Raleigh’s arm away from his face. He presses a kiss to his forehead, free hand caressing his face. “I’ll be right here until you do.”

He places himself on the floor in front of Raleigh, letting him press into his touch. He knows that someday, everything will be okay. Maybe it won’t be exactly like the good old days, but Zach couldn’t ask for anything more than to spend the rest of his time with his dearest friend. 

Zach closes his eyes, listening to the city noise outside, leaning his head against a hand. He could sit like this all night if he has to. 

Raleigh breaks the silence with a whisper, “...Zach?” 

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“I just wanted to say I love you.”

A reflexive grin lights up Zach’s face in the dark. “Well, you know I love you too.” He yawns, “Shouldn’t you be getting to bed soon?” 

“Right, I should probably be getting home.” He squishes his face in an effort to dispel the weariness. 

“You could always stay over, you know? My bed’s big enough for both of us.” While Raleigh makes up his mind, Zach flicks on the hallway light. “So, what do you think? Good idea?” 

“Yeah, I don’t really want to be alone tonight anyway.” 

Zach rushes to prep for bed, discarding his clothes onto the chair in the corner. He’ll deal with it tomorrow like he does everything else. Raleigh steps into the room, squinting at his choice of underwear. “Are those-?”

“What?”

“-Alien boxers?” 

Zach places a disgruntled hand on his hip. “Yeah, what about it?”

He snickers from behind a hand, “Nothing, they’re cute.”

“You just fail to appreciate how cool they are.” 

Raleigh unbuttons his shirt, quirking a brow at him. “Whatever you say.” 

When he finishes stripping, they flick the light off, getting in on either side like an old married couple. Raleigh gets to be the little spoon. Zach’s lips graze the back of Raleigh’s neck, his familiar scent so calming. Despite this, a nagging thought itches in the back of his mind. “You don’t have to tell Carter if you don’t want. I mean, not yet.”

“No, I know. I’ll have to some time. I just don’t want him to resent me for keeping it from him, you know?”

Zach scoots closer to him, pulling the covers further over them. “Do you want me to be there when you do it?”

“Could you?”

“I’d love to. Just don’t worry so much, okay? I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”


	14. Raindrops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~solo zach chapter~

Zach stands outside underneath the awning above his door, a lit cigarette wedged in his curled fingers. He leans against the wall, staring at a far-off point of the courtyard, caught up in his thoughts. The soft patter of rain on concrete fills his ears, pleasant background noise to his ruminating. His dress shirt is half open to air his skin out from the mugginess of his room. With how it is, it doesn’t help much. He doesn’t mind at all, the cool weather a welcome change. 

He had slept all day, refusing to be a part of Carter and Raleigh's little trip. It wasn’t his place to invite himself along to another outing, they would include him if they wanted. He takes a final drag of his cigarette, stamping it out beneath his flip-flop. Now, without something to keep his focus on, his hands are twitchy, idle, tugging at the fabric of his shirt. He tucks his hands into his jeans pockets, words filling his mouth, things in hindsight he wished he had said. They roll around in empty space, teasing him with how they sit just out of reach, like a certain man in his life. 

Regardless of how close they always seemed, there was a genuine lack of feeling from Raleigh’s end. He sensed it even at a young age; whether it be a grin or a laugh, the lack of interest was apparent. Many summer days, they would go out to the forest preserves and mindlessly walk through the meadows. Zach remembers how a mere guiding hand on Raleigh’s wrist would slip into their fingers interlocking once they were away from any possible prying eyes on the path. They would smile at each other, exhilarated at the rush that came every time. 

They wade through tall grasses, the sun adding a hazy golden glow to everything in sight, even Raleigh. Zach would look back every couple minutes, mustering up an excuse of how he liked to check up on him, but in actuality it was to steal a look at his subdued face. There was always a far-off look in Raleigh’s eyes-whether he realized Zach noticed it or not-something other people would chalk up to being childlike awe, but Zach knew better.

He always had a lot on his mind, things he would never vocalize unless Zach asked. He had less control of his temper than he did now, growing frustrated with Raleigh’s nonverbal moments on more occasions than he would’ve liked. He still regrets that.

Their afternoons of exploration would end up at the magnolia tree on the high hill above town. They liked to think it was their tree, that no other two people could have possibly claimed this spot as their own before. They would sit in its cool shade, watching the leaves sway with the breeze, catching sunlight between its branches. Zach would ramble on, often until sunset, about whatever was on his mind in an attempt to fill the silence between them. 

As the day grew on, they themselves grew closer. At first, sitting a ways apart, Raleigh inching bit by bit until they were practically sharing the same spot. 

One cool evening, a week before Raleigh had gone missing, they had managed to take their hike up to the hill that day. For reasons Zach hadn’t known, Raleigh had grown increasingly distant from him, making excuses for why they couldn’t see each other. He refused to tell him the reason why. 

Raleigh lays on his back, staring out at the lavender sky. He poses a typical Raleigh-esqe question. “Can I ask you something?”

“You know you can ask me anything, we go over this every time.”

“Yeah, I know,” He laughs at himself, as light as the night air, the first genuine sound he’s made the whole summer. “Um, but, promise me you’ll answer me seriously, okay?”

“It’s a promise.” 

He can tell it takes him a while to find the right words, face scrunched up in concentration. “Do you think we’ll ever get out of this town? I don’t want to end up like the rest of my family.” He shakes his head. “I don’t think I could handle being stuck here forever.”

“Listen, wherever I’m going, you’ll come with, alright?” Zach folds his arms, putting on a mock-serious demeanor. “I mean it. I’ll smuggle you to college with me.”

“And live in your closet like a ghost?”

“Something like that.” He snorts out a laugh of his own. “But seriously, I’m sure we’ll both be going somewhere nice, away from this shit hole.”

Raleigh sits up, leaning back on his hands. He glances over his shoulder to Zach, fear in his eyes, as if he’d forgotten the most important thing he wanted to say. He shakes his head, a solemn gesture. “I don’t want you to forget about me, okay? I know you’ll probably find cooler friends in college, but even if I end up being something you regret, I want you to remember me.”

“I could never forget about you, Raleigh.”

Raleigh continues on as if he didn’t hear him. “I just want you to know, that no matter what happens, no matter how far we grow apart, we’ll always be friends.”

Those words leave a chill deep inside him, an icy breath on the back of his neck. His head droops low, the clouds obscuring the expression on his face. His stare falls on the statue in the middle of the courtyard; an angel with her hands splayed, cherubic face upturned to the darkened sky as if she’s soaking in the gentle rainfall. To him, the drops cascading down her face look more like tears.  
He never realized just how much he needed Raleigh, a fact he tried to avoid for so long until recently. But, it hasn’t been the same. He isn’t sure why he’s been on this train of thought for so long, as if he’s been settling in while taking a daily commute through his memory. 

Summer had a way of bringing out the melancholy in him; the eventual scream of cicadas and onset of sticky weather and he finds himself back there. And so - the hilltop yet again. This time, back in the tall grass, Raleigh is ahead of him, their hands tightly clasped. They’re at a jogging pace, but in his mind’s eye, they’re moving in slow motion. The whole scene is blurred at the edges, the lines of his silhouette against the dying light distorted. He asks a question without any sound. 

“Raleigh, what would happen if we never met?” 

Raleigh looks over his shoulder, the light hitting his face in such a way that makes Zach’s heart ache. The scene burns away like film, leaving him staring into space, the projector in his mind spinning. What would Raleigh have said then? He already knew the answer many times before, but they were usually him brushing off the question with a vague answer. He has to know how he really feels. 

An impulse comes over him, a whisper coaxing him into his apartment to search his room. Maybe the answer’s in plain sight? He ambles along through his apartment, stumbling through the dark hall, approaching his room like one would a casket at a funeral. He wraps his fingers around the handle of his closet door, anxiety tight in his chest. As he flings it open, he closes his eyes, afraid of what skeleton might be lurking in the dark. But nothing comes. He peeks an eye open and all that greets him is black. He shifts his clothes to the side, almost in an effort to look for some sort of magical keyhole or sign, but all he manages is to feel the back wall of his closet. 

The answer was here all along; it was the absence of one. He would never know what Raleigh’s real answer would be, fully doubting at this point that he would answer him truthfully even if he asked.


	15. Around You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Raleigh (mostly) solo chapter~

Raleigh sits on his kitchen floor, a lazy hand scratching at Cooper’s exposed belly. The only thing on his mind at the moment is Carter. It’s Friday, the day they’re supposed to visit the Concord household. He hasn’t the vaguest idea of what they’re like, or if his brother is going to be there or not. He hopes the latter. When is he going to get the time to tell him? Maybe he can put it off for later, not say anything and pretend he did? But, of course, that would get them nowhere. The issue would rear its head at another point in time and he can’t keep playing whack-a-mole with his problems anymore. “Coopie…” He coos, letting him rub on him. “How do I talk to men?” He chirps at him, licking at his hand. Raleigh curtly nods, “You’re so right, I should just tell him. Thanks for the advice, buddy.” 

He leans over to kiss Cooper’s head, rain thrumming on the roof of his apartment. It’s only six o’clock, but Raleigh cannot fall back asleep, regardless of how heavy his limbs grow. He has been awake since three, a heavy weight, a demon, perches itself over his shoulders, threatening to tear off his thin veil of patience.

He yawns into his palm, cradling his face in a hand, watching Cooper clean himself. The drone of the fridge fills the silence on this lazy summer morning. He lets out a sigh, pulling himself into a chair, stretching his arms out on the table around the vase of roses. His fingers toy with the soft texture, plucking off any dead petals. They’re somehow still here, clinging to life, much like himself. If they can do it, surely he can manage to stay a little while longer. 

The light from the window adds a silvery hue to the kitchen, waiting for the vase to fill underneath the faucet. He leans against the sink, staring into his reflection in the shiny crystal. His face is fragmented, refracted multiple times, turning it in his hands. 

It reminds him of his high school years, ugly memories that rear their head in the most still and mundane of moments. When he’s too busy to focus on it, he easily ignores it. But when he lets his mind wander, all of his demons jump on him from behind a dark corner in his mind. It’s why he tries so hard to focus on something, someone, other than himself. He doesn’t like dissecting his feelings and analyzing them anymore, what he really wants is for his life to start anew, like a beautiful blooming rose. 

He knows he had no other choice but to be honest with Zach, but he wishes he would’ve simply left it alone. There’s nothing he can do about it now but continue on the path he’s forged, stumbling to and fro wherever the merciful wind decides to take him.

He has never had control over his own life. 

As much as he wants to fight like Zach often does, he has none of the energy. All he wants to do is lie down and submit. But neither Carter or Zach would allow that, he’s sure.

He carries the vase back to the table, laying his head down on the edge, hands spread out on the cool wood. Raleigh stretches, flexing his fingers, the cold air on his skin. Back to that town he goes, the whistle of winter in his ears. 

Fluffy snowflakes float down from the sky, Raleigh shuffling along beside Zach back up to the old tree on the hill. Its branches are bare, a light coating of powdery snow the only decoration on them. He exhales a frozen cloud, rubbing his gloved hands together. Zach steps towards the tree, placing a hand on its bark.

“This is going to be the last winter we spend here.” He looks back to Raleigh, smiling, bittersweet. “It’s kind of crazy to believe, right?”

He nods along, sensing how somber the situation is for him. To Raleigh it was always just a tree, nothing more, nothing less. They did have some fond memories of this hilltop, now that he thought of it. They had their fun, didn’t they?

“Could you come over here for a second?”

Raleigh moves beside him, Zach gripping his hand tighter than he ever has before. A whimper comes out from between gritted teeth, tears in his eyes. Raleigh holds his breath, afraid to make a misstep. His voice comes out tight and tiny. “What’s wrong?”

Zach spares a single glance into Raleigh’s eyes, freezing him at his core. He doesn’t answer, only crying harder. In that moment a rift forms between them, sheets of ice breaking apart, never to be seen again. They take refuge inside themselves; a protective, warm cocoon from their reality. They don’t speak for the rest of that chilly night. 

When winter comes along, all of the beautiful things that once bloomed in summer die. Nothing can be the same.

Just like that, the memory melts before his eyes. Raleigh wishes he wasn’t such a coward. Perhaps he should do something, ask someone other than his cat for advice? The only person he knows who would be able to help is his uncle. He is the reason he’s been living in this apartment in the first place. Technically, it belongs in his name, but he lets Raleigh stay as long as he pays a portion of the rent. Raleigh always loved Uncle Andy more than his own father, a fact solidified at a young age. He doesn’t understand how someone so gentle and sweet can be related to the world’s biggest douchebag. 

He takes a deep breath, deciding it would be better to call rather than show up unannounced. Besides, he didn’t feel up to going anywhere until he had to leave with Carter. He spends five minutes searching for his phone in the grey of dawn’s light, listening to it ring in his ear in the threshold of his kitchen. 

He picks up on the first ring, a soft spoken voice answering. “Good morning, Raleigh.”

A grin unconsciously comes to life, “Morning, Uncle.” 

He knew he would be up, as Andy typically rises at the crack of dawn to make coffee and get ready for the day. He assumed things hadn’t changed much since the short period he stayed with his husband and him. “Is everything okay? You don’t usually call me unless it’s an emergency.”

“Yeah, I mean, kind of? It’s not an emergency this time, I just need some advice.” 

“About? - You know, you really need to let me know how you’re doing more often, you know I don’t like to pester you as much as your mother would prefer, but I’m talking too much. Go on.” 

Raleigh sighs, “I know, I know… I’m trying to be independent, don’t you remember?” 

“Of course I do, which by the way, I’m so proud of you for.” Andy’s voice swells with love. “I’m sure you’re getting along just fine, I just can’t help but worry about you, what with after the whole college incident and running away from home-”

Raleigh cuts him off, “Can we not get into that? I thought we talked about that stuff enough? Besides, it happened years ago.”

“I’m sorry, I keep interrupting. Go on.” 

He glances to the roses on the table again, wetting his lips. “Could you maybe come over? I’d prefer to talk about it in person.”

Andy groans good naturedly from his end, “You always do. Alright, give me a couple minutes for these old bones to warm up and I’ll stop by.”

“Okay! I’ll see you soon. I love you, Uncle.”

“Love you too, Ral.” 

Raleigh looks around at his apartment, embarrassment swelling inside him at the untidy state it’s in. Uncle Andy would make him eat his words if he saw clothes and dust strewn all over the place. He pulls out the vacuum from the closet, getting on all knees to clean, barely recognizing the time fly past as a brisk knock on the door catches his attention. Brushing himself off, he eases it open. Before him stands a tall man of stocky build, a flannel and jeans clinging to his wide frame. His full beard exudes lumberjack vibes, but the softness in his hazel eyes as he gets the pleasure of seeing his nephew breaks this facade. 

His uncle pulls him in for a bear hug, easily lifting him off his feet. “Ral, my boy! I haven’t seen you in months!” Andy practically cries right there, setting him down onto the linoleum floor. “How have you been holding up with that new job, by the way?” He gives a hopeful smile.

“About that…” 

“What? Did something go wrong?” Andy idly cracks his knuckles, voice deepening. “Did somebody do something to my nephew?” 

“No! Nothing like that!” Raleigh rolls his eyes at the display, crossing his arms. “I can fight my own battles, Uncle.”

He chuckles at himself, “I know, Ral. Just saying, if you ever need me to intimidate some shitstain of a human being, I’m just a call away.” 

Raleigh sits at the kitchen table, Cooper winding around Andy’s legs. He picks him up, holding him like a baby as he sits down. Cooper purrs like a motorboat. He presses a kiss to the top of Cooper’s head. “I see my little man is happy, too. So, what is it you need advice with?” He smirks, “Could it be boy trouble? I recall a point in time you asked me for my thoughts on - what was his name? That old friend of yours-”

“Zach, Uncle.” 

“Right, right - I always liked him. What’s he up to nowadays?” 

Raleigh’s thumbs toy with each other, his hands held together. A blush creeps its way onto his face. “You really wouldn’t believe it, but I’m actually dating him.” 

“No shit-”

“...And Carter.” 

His brows droop, lips pursed in confusion. He drawls, “Now who’s this Carter fella?” 

“You don’t have to worry, he’s really sweet! I’m actually going to go visit his parents later. But, uh, that’s not what I wanted to ask you about.”

“So, wait, let me get this straight - you have two boyfriends?” 

“Maybe.” Raleigh laughs, preparing for a lecture.

Andy lays a gentle hand on his knee, grinning at him. “I’m happy for you, kid. Now, tell me more about this Carter person.” 

“Well, I don’t know where to start? He’s really tall - taller than you, Uncle - and he’s really strong, his biceps are the size of watermelons, and he treats me really well, and-”

“Okay, I think I get the gist of it.” He scratches at his beard. “So, what’s the issue you need to my help with, then?” 

Raleigh’s enthusiasm comes to a halt, looking down at his hands. “I don’t know how to tell him about… what happened with Travis.”

Andy says nothing, but he can feel the intense gaze on him. He looks up into his uncle’s glimmering eyes. His tone is serious, the playfulness gone. “Oh, Ral, from what you told me about him I’m sure it’ll go fine.”

“I’m not worried about that, I just, I don’t want to be treated differently because of it.” 

Andy slides a heavy hand over Raleigh’s. “I can have a talk with him if you like?” 

“You don’t need to do that, Uncle. Besides, I just need some advice, not for you to go and do… that.” 

Andy snorts, “I never said I was going to, I just wanna talk to the boy. But, remember, if you ever need me to-” 

“No, Uncle.” 

“Just a suggestion.” 

“I’m sure I won’t be changing my mind any time soon,” He states, a hint of annoyance creeping out. 

Andy rubs Cooper’s belly, his brow creasing with worry. “Is something else going on with you? You sound like you have a rather short fuse today. Sleep enough?”

He stares at Andy, his face a flat canvas. His eyes, however, shine with an intent unable to be placed, a face in a fogged up mirror. He runs a hand over his face, rubbing the ache out of his skin. “I’m fine, Uncle. I’m just tired.”

“Okay, just know I’m a phone call away-”

“I know.”

Andy raises his brows, “Listen, there’s no need to snap on me, Ral. Use your words.” He pauses, long and thoughtful. “Do you think you should really go today? I’m sure he’d understand if you rescheduled-”

“I can’t just do that, Uncle! I promised him.”

“Any man who can’t take no for an answer doesn’t deserve you.” 

“I know, I should know that by now huh?” He slumps against the back of his chair, trembling face in his hands, fingers tugging at locks of curly hair. “I can’t help but be afraid. I don’t know how else to be, Uncle.”

His uncle’s strong arms wrap around him, the soothing smell of burnt wood taking him back to when he would hold a younger, crying Raleigh. It happened more times than he would ever admit to. Raleigh was and still is a crybaby at heart. “Oh, don’t go crying now, you know I’m a sympathetic crier. We can’t both be emotional messes here.” 

Regardless, they both cry their eyes out at the kitchen table. Neither of them notice the knock at the door.


	16. We Were Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~high school time~

Zach had met Raleigh in freshman year, an awkward beginning for both of them. The high school was one floor, small, and held not even a thousand people including staff. Everyone knew each other, except for Zach, that is. He had moved with his parents over the summer, a change of scenery from the hustle and bustle of city life, they told him. He had no friends for the first few months, spending countless hours lying around the house.

It wasn’t until the first day at school did he meet Raleigh. His father let him wear his old leather jacket, a thing he still has to this day. A fifteen year old Zach stands at the bus stop, separate from the other kids who obviously know each other from middle school. A gentle shower rains down onto the asphalt. He slumps in his doc marten boots that are a bit too big for him, the leather almost swallowing him up. His hair is shoulder length, tied back off his face. He puts on a scowl to deflect from how shy and awkward he is. 

His eyes wander, stopping on a scrawny kid in horn-rimmed glasses near him, a determined look on his face as he stands in the rain. He has no jacket on, assumedly choosing to brave the unfortunate weather. He rubs at his puffy eyes, sniffling to himself.

“Hey, are you okay?”

The kid answers in a mousey voice, refusing to look Zach in the eye. “I’m fine.” 

He takes a step towards him and he reflexively flinches. “Fuck - I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to freak you out.” Zach slips his backpack off, letting it drop at his feet. He tugs off his jacket. The boy appraises him with distrust in his eye. 

“What are you doing?”

Zach shoves his leather forward, dressed in all black. “Listen, man, I’m just trying to be nice.” He rolls his eyes, “Besides, my mom told me I need to make more friends. So-” He makes his impatience known with a shrug. “-you going to put it on or leave me hanging here?”

He takes the jacket, tentative, unsure. He slips it on and it’s even bigger on him than it is on Zach. A tiny grin shines on his face. It’s like he forgets to be polite, blurting out a question. “So, uh, what’s your name? I’m Raleigh.”

“I’m Zach.” He grins wide, leaning in to keep their conversation private. His braces glint in the sunlight. “I’m the new kid on the block and you’re kind of the only other kid I’ve met so far. So, would you mind if we sat together?”

“Oh.” Raleigh stares into Zach’s face, the bus pulling up ahead of them. He lowers his eyes to his feet, worry etched into his little frown. He must be overthinking this simple request. “Sure, I don’t see why not?” The smile he gives is a little bit awkward but Zach swears that was the day he fell in love.

They sit side by side on the bus every day they can, Raleigh taking the window. Zach is always more than happy to hear Raleigh ramble about whatever topic he’s currently fixated on during the ride, often times arriving to the bus stop early just so they can talk. Day by day, Zach coaxes him out of his shell, a gentle side in him he never knew he had. 

He would never tell anyone, but he often had fantasies of them living together after high school. Was that not what friends did when they really liked each other? To him, it made perfect sense, like it was simply one of the many other absolutes in the world. 

One day during junior year, a particularly chilly October afternoon, Zach sits in the library. It’s relatively empty save for the librarian, everyone else busy getting ready for Homecoming. His booted feet are folded, a small leatherbound notebook in his hand, a pen stuck between his teeth. His leather jacket is zipped up, a light green sweater on underneath. He groans at his lack of creativity, attempting to do what he’s been trying to for months; write a poem about Raleigh. Of course, he’s not going to show him, but he has to get these feelings out for his friend somehow. What better way than putting them on paper?

If only he could do that in the first place, though. He squints at the blank space, scratching out letter by letter, unsure. 

_You’re like the moon  
And I’m your tide_

Is this the best he can do? A pressure falls onto his shoulder from behind, a voice in his ear. “What’cha working on, Zach?” Of course it’d be Raleigh. He jumps in his seat, scrambling to shut the notebook. 

“Uh, uh - nothing! Just some last minute homework, you know I’m the king of procrastinating.” 

He sideeyes him. “But aren’t you on the honor roll?”

“What’s your point?”

“So what were you writing?”

“Like I said, it’s just homework.”

Raleigh crosses his arms, a cocky air about him. “It’s not like you’re writing a love poem or something, right?”

Zach only blinks, fear in his heart. Did he read it over his shoulder? “...No?”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m being honest!”

“Then show me.”

He considers his options of either lying or coming clean. Zach looks down into the worn cover, tightening his grip on the thing he’s spent hours pouring his heart into. There’s no way this could turn out in his favor, they were just friends, after all. He’s never had it in him to confront these feelings, decidedly shelving them. He grimaces at the thought of hypothetically ruining their friendship over such a silly thing, holding the notebook out in Raleigh’s general direction. “Fine. You can look.” When the weight in his hand is lifted, the sound of pages flipping in his ears, he mutters out an afterthought. “Just try not to make fun of me for anything in there, okay? It’s… kind of personal.”

Zach prepares for the eventual grilling, watching Raleigh flip carefully through the lined pages. His eyes quietly scan through, expression relatively blank. Zach rubs the back of his neck, shifting in his seat. “So, are you done yet?”

A “No” is all he gets, followed by five minutes of uninterrupted, silent reading. He appears to reach the page he was working on, tilting his head at the two simple lines. Without a word, he hands the notebook back, Zach squinting into his face. “So, uh, what did you think?”

Raleigh’s eyes wander up to the ceiling in thought, hands folded behind his back. “You should tell this person, I think.”  
“...You think so?”

“Yeah!” He enthusiastically nods. “What could go wrong?”

Zach stares, opening his mouth to speak, and then thinking twice, he keeps it shut. A knowing grin forces its way onto his lips, Raleigh returning it good-naturedly.  
“I think it’s a great idea - don’t you?”

“...If I’m gonna be honest, it’s not the best you’ve come up with.”

Raleigh idly flips through pages. “Regardless, I think the person you wrote this for is gonna be super impressed.” His face lights up. “It’s cute!”

“You really think so?” Zach blushes, eyes glimmering. He holds a hand out to retrieve his book, letting out a warm sigh. “Thanks, man. I know I can always count on you.”

The image of Raleigh smiling back into his face is all he can focus on, one of many images reflecting back into Zach’s eyes like some kind of vision. He sits on the edge of his bed, hands clutching either side of his head, fingers grip at tangles of hair. His heart is in his throat, as if he’s about to vomit. He’s sick to his stomach, an endless churning that’s been following him throughout his entire day.  
Raleigh wasn’t at school today. This he was used to, but normally he would let him know when he was taking a day or two off. He never gave specifics, only using the excuse of family problems to keep Zach at bay. His breath comes out ragged, choking on hot tears. He hasn’t seen him all day, his phone going to voicemail every time he’s called. Zach can only imagine the worst. 

He curls up on his bed, staring at the distant wall. Closing his eyes, he does his best to calm himself with slow, steady breathing. Maybe things will turn out okay by tomorrow? Maybe Raleigh simply forgot to charge his phone? Yeah, that’s all it is. He’ll see him tomorrow at school and everything will sort itself out. Zach will scold him like he always does and they’ll go about the rest of their day. Together.  
Except tomorrow comes and the exact opposite happens, Raleigh isn’t ready at the door for him to pick him up and his desk remains empty first period.

Zach loses his mind. He can’t focus on anything else that day but where Raleigh is, the coming weeks a lonely hell. The sun is an unforgiving heat on his back, Raleigh a distant mirage in the heat-ridden air. The late spring is making way for summer, a season he wishes he could skip over entirely. Without his best friend by his side, the previous joy and recklessness mean nothing. He spends his days inside, lazing around his room in a humid haze. His trash can is full of balled up paper, a pen angrily crossing out shitty lines of pointless words. Zach has no one to show his work to, the unfinished poem from last year taunting him from its page. There’s no point in finishing it now.

Depressing music blares from the old record player in the corner of his room, precariously placed on top of his dresser. Zach sits across his armchair, notebook in hand, gritting his teeth. He flings it across the room onto his bed, crying to himself in the empty room. His windows are wide open, the hot breeze winding around him. Sweat drips down his forehead, something that he would normally find comfort in, but it only exacerbates his aggravation. 

A soft knock is at his door, probably his mother wondering how he’s doing. “I thought I said I wanted to be left alone!?”

Regardless, the doorknob twists open.


	17. I Got You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~solo carter chapter~

The door swings open, Carter leaving the door ajar to let the rush of steam pour out. He stands before the mirror in a towel, wiping away condensation. Running a hand through his damp hair, he grins at himself. Today is the day, the fateful encounter with his family. He would be lying to himself if he wasn’t a little bit nervous, unsure of how exactly they’d react to his current dating situation. Still, he keeps his optimism about him, just as he always does. He prefers to look on the bright side of things because someone has to. Facing situations head-on is his specialty. 

He meanders around his apartment, leaning against the counter with a warm mug of coffee in his hands, taking in the simple peace mornings always have in store for him. The faint sounds of people getting ready for work, his neighbors’ doors locking shut. All the while he contemplates his partners, his heart overflows with love. Carter likes to think of himself as a romantic, in love with love itself almost as much as he is with Raleigh and Zach. He wishes they could see the good he sees in them, all the cute little quirks he’s grown used to. The constant gentle air about Raleigh, forever refusing to make a big deal about anything, hiding his true feelings behind a subdued smile. Zach, his refusal to be stifled, making sure you know exactly how he feels about you. He wastes no time with fake pleasantries, calling things as he sees it. As abrasive as he comes off, Carter admires it. He’s clearly the most outspoken of the three, the perpetual voice of reason. Some days, he wishes he were more like him.

He appreciates these qualities and more, words he’s unable to fully grasp, expressing himself a thing he’s never been terribly good at. Often times he’d rather say nothing than fumble poorly at trying to come off as charming. He might make a mistake or two, but he always has his heart in the right place. 

Which is why it pains him to see them hurt so plainly, knowing he should do something, but not knowing exactly what that something is. He’s stuck in an odd position, watching his boyfriends deal with the complicated history between them, hashing things out in the only way they know how. All Carter can do is cheer them on from the sidelines and act as a shoulder to cry on if need be. It’s the absolute least he can do, after everything they’ve gone through. Even with the minimal amount he’s been able to get out, he knows there has to be a mountain behind it. But, they have all the time in the world for that. Besides, some things are better left unsaid.

Regardless, he’s always going to be here. Carter Concord isn’t one to give up something once he’s put his mind to it. Sure, he’s stumbled in the past, made mistakes, but he’s trying to better himself. He’s more than enough of a man to bear this weight on his shoulders. With how turbulent their lives have been, they need someone steady to cling to. 

It’s not as if he wants praise or recognition, he’s just playing his role to the best of his ability. All that matters at the end of the day is that they’re happy. Sure, they might get snippy or disagree with him, but all he can do is grin and bear it. He loves them, plain and simple.

Carter spends longer than usual getting dressed, fussing over little details, needing to perfectly fit the role of suave boyfriend. His hair is perfectly slicked to the side, a spritzing of his favorite cologne at his neck. He tugs a short-sleeved turtleneck over his head, idly flexing in the mirror. He’s sure Raleigh will swoon regardless, but he can’t help but push the envelope, the natural show-off that he is. If you got it, why not flaunt it?

He sits poised on the corner of his bed, his shoes in hand, getting caught up in a daydream. He hums, face flushing at the pipe dream that everything will go alright, everything will turn out better than it was before. He wasn’t equipped to give Zach what he needed back then, choosing rather to disengage from anything difficult than try and work it out. Carter grimaces, full of regret and the desperate need to right this wrong. He knows Zach still doesn’t trust him, he probably won’t ever in the same way and that’s fine. He deserves it. 

Now, back to the home movie in his head. He can see them now, parading his partners around as if he were the luckiest man on earth, without a single care in the world. There is no backdrop in view, just a blank page filled only by Raleigh and Zach. It doesn’t matter where they are, he doesn’t care what they do, they will always be the first thing on his mind. They fill him up with a sweetness unlike any other, this feeling almost unreal to him.

The gentle sway of a magnolia tree is distant, picturing them from a far-off vantage point, as if he were looking through a telescope. They’re together, sitting under the shade, sunlight forcing its way through the slowly blooming flowers. There isn’t anything particular about the scene, other than the sweet smell of spring, and the echo of soft laughter in his ears. Their fingers fit together perfectly, the weight of their heads on his shoulders the most comforting sensation. This is his ideal, his endgame. All Carter wishes is for them to finally be truly happy. Hopefully he’ll be there to see it.

His eyes glisten, dabbing at them with the back of his hand. Some days he doesn’t feel like he truly deserves this opportunity, this chance at something beautiful. Even further off, a storm cloud is on the horizon, dark and full of heavy rain. As much as he puts his all into this relationship, it’s partially as a means to distract himself from his own insecurity. All his life he’s been by himself, stumbling from one thing to the next without any real direction. He spent most of his college days angry and bitter without real reason, his self-titled Punk Phase. He used to smoke packs a day, refusing to let himself get close to anyone out of fear. Everyone called him the Bad Boy, but from what he remembers he wasn’t all that bad. He was more lonely than anything.

It all began in high school, constantly being compared to his Achillean older brother. It seemed for a while as if his parents cared more about Cole than they did him. So, he became the family black sheep. He craved attention and validation, despite his standoffish appearance. Eventually, he thought he got what he wanted. A boy in his class that he had his eye on since junior year, one of Cole’s friends from football. Nathan was his first love if you can even call it that. It was more of a fixation, a delusional fantasy, now that he looks back on it. His emotions were manic and high, the need to feel everything he possibly could too strong to be held back. Nathan was more than happy to oblige, making his heart flutter with that southern twang he could recall even now. The heaviness of his hand on his waist, the heat of his lips on his body. Nathan was his first. 

He thought this was the man he would marry, that he would whisk him out of his simple life and off to places unknown after high school. He didn’t care back then, he only wanted to get away. They never talked much about the future, Carter waiting for Nathan to bring it up. But he never did. He would coax Carter into a sense of security, assuring him that everything was okay as he pressed kisses into his neck in the backseat of his corvette. 

Carter was lost at sea, Nathan was the lighthouse, a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Or so he thought. It wasn’t until after they drifted apart did he realize his mistake. Nathan never loved him, he only saw him for a pretty face, something to pass the time with. This fueled his anger in the coming years, a thing he constantly turned inwards, blaming himself for everything. 

But, Carter chooses to not dwell on it for too long. He’s since forgiven himself for his stupid mistakes, there’s no point in focusing on the past anymore. He has other priorities to focus on, rather cute ones at that. Carter has wasted too much time in his thoughts, slipping on his black leather. He collects his things, making his way downstairs to his puma. He fidgets in his seat as he rolls up to Raleigh’s apartment, a tightness in his gut that only increases as he goes down the hall. His hands are oddly clammy, rubbing his palms off on his jacket. Carter eventually gains the courage in him to knock.


End file.
